Mistakes

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new today! I have a lot to do today, and I'm grateful for that--having a lot to do keeps me active and it allows me to gain a sense of accomplishment in the things that I do. Today should be a good day as long as I approach it with a positive attitude and as long as I give my best to what I do.

Speaking of things to do, though, I made a huge error last week. I had volunteered to do something, and then I completely forgot about it--well, actually, I didn't forget about it, but I thought that it was on another day. This is something that plagues me constantly, the fear of failure, the fear of having a responsibility and not following through on it. It was like a nightmare come true for me, and it wasn't pleasant. It's a terrible feeling when something like that happens, and I judge myself very harshly for it when it happens.

It frustrates me sometimes that I am so hard on myself, that I'm not able to let things slide without spending a lot of time agonizing over them. I know where the trait comes from, but that doesn't help me to get rid of the trait--it seems to be just as strong now as it was before I learned about the origins of such ways of looking at life.

I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to have failures. That happens to people. What I want is to be able to recover from them quickly without beating myself up about them. I want to learn from them and move on, and let life go on.

A reply:

If I were to say "Welcome to the human race," would that help? I didn't think so. You know already that you're a member of humanity and that making mistakes is a trait inherent in being human. And me telling you that isn't going to help you to feel better about a mistake that you've made.

Remember, much of the reason for which you beat yourself up at mistakes is because you feel that when you do make mistakes, people have the right not to trust you any more. Because of your background, trust is one of the major issues that you have to deal with--constantly. You have a hard time trusting other people, and you spend an inordinate amount of time and energy making sure that people can trust you. When that falls apart, as it did last week, it hurts because you try so hard to make sure that it never does happen.

I also won't say "This, too, shall pass," because you know that, also. None of these platitudes are effective at all, when all is said and done, except as starters, ways to help you to begin to think in different ways.

What I will say is to pay attention to some of the other lessons that you've been learning recently. Look for connections between them and what has happened here. Perhaps the most important thing here has to do with you needing help from someone else and asking for that help. Perhaps it has to do with you receiving forgiveness--from others and from yourself. What is most important is that you not allow what in the bigger picture is a very minor mistake to interfere with your life or your learning. Keep moving forward--don't allow this to hold you back. Right now, you're in a position in which you may actually do so. Don't.