Reading signs

Good morning, God!  A new day is here, and I get to use it trying to help students to understand a novel, all of the intricacies and details that normally would go right by them--if I do it well.  I would much appreciate your presence there so that I can stay focused in ways that will help them.

As you know already, there's a situation at school that's somewhat ridiculous, and that makes me very frustrated.  It truly makes me wonder if I made a mistake in coming here to teach, as the lack of organization and vision here are truly difficult to deal with.  I don't understand often how people can not do things that they're supposed to do, and then not see any problem with not having done it.  This school, I think, is going to lose several teachers next year, and that's going to mean another difficult year of transition.  And the loss won't necessarily be for good reasons.  Oh, well--I'm trying to look at the signs and decide whether this place is a good fit for me, and whether I'm a good fit for this place.  I know that the way it is, the school and I are not a good fit.  I always look to the ways that it could be, though, if I need to make important decisions.

I'm not asking for a reply this morning, obviously, since I need to live soon.  But I do know that sometimes you can help me to see things more clearly, or with less bias.  And that's what I ask for as the window for my decision comes closer--discernment.  Please help me to see things in different ways, in clear ways, in helpful ways.

Preparedness

Good morning, God, and thank you very much for this new day and this new week.  I have ahead of me many new chances to accomplish major and minor things, and I do appreciate the opportunities.

I'd like to ask you about my difficulties in being prepared--or rather, my perceived difficulties in being prepared.  Sometimes I get extremely stressed out because I feel that I'm unprepared for something, yet it usually turns out that I'm fine--that I've done all I needed to do in order to be ready for the situation.  This is especially true in teaching.  Every Sunday and every Monday morning I feel a strong sense of stress, even though I know that I'm usually okay, and that nothing's going to go wrong during the week.

I guess the bottom line is that I put a lot of stress on myself with my imaginings of failure or folly, the way that I see possible disasters occurring when no disaster is actually looming.  I'd like to change this habit, but it seems to be sticking with me even though I know of it, I recognize it, and I accept it and try to deal with it.

A reply:

Every one of you on this planet is reliving your childhood over and over again.  Most of you have moved on far enough so that you're reliving only a small part of it, only minor portions that usually have to do with your greatest fears.  Growing up in an unstable household in which alcohol addiction played a major role, you--as you know already--are dealing with many issues that are typical of adults who grew up as children of alcoholics.  The two issues that affect you most--as you also know--are the fear of relationships and the fear of failure, of being criticized for not doing what you were supposed to do.

The most important steps for dealing with these issues have been taken care of--you recognize them, and you accept them.  But now you want to banish them from your life, which is completely understandable.  How can you banish a fear that seems to arise on its own?  How can you banish a thought that comes unbidden?

Your fears, of course, originate in your thoughts.  And really, that's all they are.  For you, the best way to deal with the fears has been to be completely prepared, for then you know that there will be no problems making class work.  And that's one way that you can take care of the fears before they happen--trade time that you normally would spend doing something else, and use it to prepare for the things that stress you out the most.  You know how you spend your time--where can you find time to prepare for the things that give you the most stress.

Remember that very often, you're not stressed because you're not prepared, but you're stressed because you didn't use time that you had available to do the work that needed to be done before you did other work.  Certain work on certain things can wait until after the grading is done.  Other work can wait until after your lesson plans are done.  It's always a trade-off.

Ask yourself very clearly and give yourself an honest answer:  Do these thoughts result because of the situation itself, or are they a part of your life because of the ways in which you've prioritized?

Today

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in our lives! Where we are, the wind is blowing very strongly and it's raining, a combination that makes for a lovely Sunday morning. I like the cloudy weekend weather in the winter--it gives me an excuse for staying indoors and enjoying the day in a very relaxing way.

It's very, very hard for me to believe that it's almost February. By the end of this week we'll be in the new month. And of course, I see life in a day-to-day fashion, but the months going by are a nice reminded of the fact that this all will end, relatively soon. A new month arriving reminds me to take care of things I want to take care of, to do things I want to do, to stop neglecting things that I've been neglecting. At my core, I don't even believe in time, but since I'm here and we're all using it, I do pay attention to it as much as I need to.

I have no big issues at the moment, but maybe soon. I just wanted to say thanks for the day, and thanks for days of rest!

A reply:

You're welcome. And thank you for taking advantage of it, and not squandering it!

Let me show love. . . .

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in our lives.  On this day I'll be going out there once more, doing my best to be the best person I can be, and doing my best to be a positive influence on the other people with whom I come in contact.  And since most of those people are young people, high school students, I hope that the influence that I'm able to have is a good one, one that reflects the love with which you created us, the love that we're all here to experience and spread.  If I could ask one thing for this new day, I would ask you to help me to spread that love unconditionally, whether spreading it means encouraging, correcting, helping, listening--whatever.  And please help me to recognize the best ways of sharing with all of the different individuals with whom I have contact.

Thanks!

A reply:

You're welcome.  I will be with you.  Stay focused on the work that you're supposed to be doing, and you'll find that by fulfilling your calling, you're doing just what you ask here.  And everything else that seems to be above and beyond the calling--the encouragement, the kind words, the caring--really are part of your calling, too, whatever that calling may be.

And I thank you for wanting to spread the love that's so important to me, to the world, and to each individual soul who is spending time on your planet.

Tuesday

It's Tuesday today, God, and I thank you for this new set of hours, this new day with light and fresh air and colors and laughter and even stress and problems.  I have a new set of hours to work with, a new set of experiences and opportunities, so thanks very much.

It's good to wake up in the morning and not be stresses about work.  It's good to have a more positive perspective on work, since that's where I have to be all day each day, and where I do the most of my giving to the world.  If the negative feelings had continued, then I'm not sure how things would have gone.

I don't have any pressing questions at the moment, just a thanks for the day.  I do ask you to be with me during the day so that I can make decisions that are positive and life-affirming, and so that I can react to students in loving, caring ways, ways that will be most beneficial to them.  Help me to see clearly so that I can recognize things like pain and fear rather than seeing them as defiance or trouble-making.  Help me to be a calming influence rather than someone who brings out the kids' fears.  With your presence all day long, I can be a much more positive influence on all the kids, and I thank you for that possibility.

Have a great day!  I'll do my best to do the same!

A New Day

Hello, God, and thank you very much for this new day.  I have many more opportunities for many things in my life today--new connections with people, new ideas to learn and ponder, new things to read and to see and to enjoy.  Of course, there will also be new problems arising, but I'm sure that I'll be able to deal with those.

I do have a question for you today--sometimes I ask you in the morning to be with me throughout the day so that you influence me more than my stress or other people or my fears influence me.  Then the day starts taking on its own life, and that prayer is no longer a part of my conscious self--instead, it sinks to the depths of my mind, and I don't even remember it until much later, if at all.  And sometimes as I reflect on the days that have gone by, I wonder if you really were there with me, or if I just went about doing things my own way (as I'm often wont to do).  In my contact with my students, were you a big part of it, or was that contact all me?  I'd like to think that the former is the case, as I think there would be more love and compassion present in the interactions, but I can't be sure.  Perhaps I'm looking for surety, which of course isn't possible, but even if I am, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I guess the simple question is this:  If I ask you to be there with me the whole day, are you there the whole day?  Are you a strong part of who I show to the world, or a weak part?  Must I keep you in the forefront of my mind all day in order for you to be present in my thoughts, deeds, and actions?

A reply:

This one is simple:  I am always with you.  Always.  Sometimes you get so caught up in the life that you're living that you don't access all that I offer, but I'm still there.  Always.

Remember, prayer is for your sake, and it's something that allows you to focus--and stay focused--on higheer ways of doing things, of better and kinder ways to approach life.  I don't punish you for not praying, but you do feel the effects of not accessing such a positive part of who you are--me.  I do have many gifts for you, and I do offer peace of mind and heart, and I do offer direction.  Always when it's asked for, and sometimes when it isn't asked for.

For most people who do trust in me, the asking doesn't have to be conscious, and it doesn't have to be constant.  Yes, if you ask me to be with you all day in the morning, then I am with you all day.  You have accessed my presence and my gifts and my abundance.  It's not so much that I'm with you all day, but that you've opened the door to me all day, and you do have access to me all day long, as I have access to you all day long.

Love

Good morning, God!  I thank you for this new day, with all its promise and potential, all the good things that can happen, and yes, even all the not-so-good things that can help me to grow and to learn.  I'm coming off of a sick day, a day spent at home instead of at school, and I do feel a bit refreshed and invigorated.  I do feel more healthy than I felt yesterday, too, and I'm hoping that what I had has passed.

I've been reading a book that I've had for a while that's called "The Courage to Teach," and I'm impressed by much of what I find there.  The author, Parker J. Palmer, actually has the nerve to talk about things like love when he talks about teaching.  And not just in the sense that someone loves teaching, but in the sense that one of our most important elements of being a good and effective teacher, and that's something that I need to be reminded of regularly, because I forget it regularly.  I'm not in a classroom  for the paycheck or for the passing on of information--I'm there because I love the people whom I'm teaching (and who are teaching me important lessons about life, too).

Why is it that love--which should be our primary motivator in anything that we do--is so rarely recognized as such?  Why do we view the word with suspicion?  It's a tremendous gift that we have, this ability to love and to be loved, so why don't we view it as such and put it out there, making it transparent and obvious?  Is it because we fear that our love will be trampled on and disrespected, and that we may not be able to love any more if it is?  Do we fear that others will view our use of the word "love" with suspicion?  I want love to be my primary motivational force, but I almost always relegate it to a secondary role.

Why is that?

A reply:

You've learned well, in many ways.  You do understand already some of the reasons for which people are hesitant to share and spread their love.  And perhaps that's one of the major aims of being alive in the first place--to learn how to share love clearly, fully, and without condition.  You see the results of many people doing so--the Mother Teresas and the Leo Buscaglias, for example--and their examples are beautiful examples of people living up to their potential in life, and living fully and happily (even if their version of happiness doesn't match the versions of others).

One of the things the world needs more than anything else nowadays is to have more people be role models of unconditional love, more people who are willing to risk love and show love and live love.  There aren't enough people out there doing that, and our young people have precious few role models.  And when you do find someone who is living that way, then share their writings or their films or their art so that others can see that it is possible to focus on love and still get by, still make a living--to still thrive and experience abundance on this planet.

Take your love into your classroom.  In your case, you need more reminders in the form of notes or signs, for you forget things very quickly and easily, and you get caught up in the day very quickly, losing you focus on things like love and focusing instead on things like how they're doing, and what they've gotten right and wrong, and who's improving and who isn't.  Love them all, no matter what.  It's the unconditional love that's going to turn a heart, and that's going to allow that young person to grow up and share unconditional love with others.  Eventually.

Caught up in Tasks

Good morning, God--and thanks for this new day.  I have another new day during which I get to enjoy all the benefits of this planet on which we find ourselves--the food and the shelter and the people and the beauty and the challenges and the rewards for having met challenges.  I thank you for all that.

These days are kind of difficult for me, to be honest.  I think that this time every year is a bit difficult, as I find myself trying to make sure that my students get everything they're supposed to get from me before they move on to their next classes.  I feel a great sense of responsibility towards them, to make sure that they aren't missing anything that I should be giving them.

Sometimes, though, I find myself getting caught up so much in the little tasks involved with life and teaching that I forget some of the beauties of life.  Sometimes I'm working so much on little things that end up taking hours that I forget (or neglect) to do the spiritual reading that I love to do; I forget to write in the journals that I keep; I neglect to encourage or help people.  Sometimes I get so focused on doing the little things that the big things go right by me.

I'll give you a good example.  Yesterday was a snow day, so we had a day off from school.  The day before, I had noticed a problem on a website that needed to be fixed, so do you think that I spent the time on our snow day enjoying the day off and getting the most out of it?  Or did I spend most of the day dealing with that problem?  Of course, you know the answer to that question.  I don't feel that I wasted the day, by any means, but I do find it difficult sometimes to redirect, to take my time with little problems like that instead of trying to get them all done right now.

On the other hand, there is value to taking care of problems when they come up, and not having them hang over my head, isn't there?

I suppose that what I'm asking you about right now is discernment, and the ability to choose wisely when I need to decide what I'm going to do and when I'm going to do it.  Sometimes I even get so overwhelmed by the variety of choices available to me that I don't do anything at all.  But that's another story, isn't it?

A reply:

Much of your problem stems from the fact that you've gone through so many trainings for things such as time management and organization that you feel that you should be better at choosing what you do and when you do it--the fact that you aren't better at it frustrates you, and you judge yourself harshly for not being able to put into practice all that you've learned.

Keep this in mind, though:  I didn't create you to be a super-organized person.  I created you to be who you are, and if you try to be something that you're not, there will be a lot of dissonance.  Right now you're frustrated because some things overwhelm you, and you feel that they shouldn't.  But the feeling of being overwhelmed is a valuable feeling to have, especially for a teacher--how can you possibly have compassion for how your students feel if you don't feel it yourself?

There is no way that a snow day should be spent.  There are no rules as to what people should do and when.  These are rules and needs that you create yourself.  It's good that you feel the sense of responsibility that helps you to get things done--follow that need, for that is part of who you are.  And don't worry so much about who you are not, and what you're not doing.  Do what you're doing well, and remember that when tomorrow dawns, that other task will still be waiting for you.  Use what you can from what you've learned (lists work well for you, it seems), and do the best you can--and do it with love.  That's all I ever ask. 

A New Day

Good morning, God--

I guess this morning I don't have much to ask or to talk about.  I just want to use this entry as an opportunity to center myself a bit, to get a strong sense of focus before I head to school so that I can do the best that I can while I'm there and hopefully help the students with whom I work.  I know that I'm an important part of their lives no matter what, even if they don't necessarily see me that way, and it's important that I take that role seriously if I'm to have any positive effects at all.

There are so many frustrations, though.  I work with kids who don't believe in themselves or their futures, kids who have no desire to learn because they don't see any reason to do so.  It gets hard to be in the classroom because we cover the information that we're supposed to cover, but they honestly make little effort to learn the material--they just want to pass over it and move on to the next thing, whether they actually know the last thing or not.

But my frustrations are my frustrations, and I should not take them out on the students.  That's simply not fair.  So I keep doing what I'm doing, and I do my best to help them to learn material that they really do need to know.  And they will do what they do, and hopefully, eventually they'll see that there is some importance to what we do, some importance to knowing the material that we're covering.  Because if they never realize this, how is the time they spend in the classroom with me ever going to help them at all?

Holding on to Junk

Good morning, God.  I have to say that I'm astonished that we're finishing the first week of the year today--it doesn't seem possible that so much time has gone by.  Whether it seems so or not, though, here we are--the seventh day of January.  And I thank you for getting me this far into the year so far, and this far into my life.

Right now I'm dealing with an unpleasant issue in my life.  When I interviewed for my job here, I made it very clear that I was interested in one particular aspect of the job--coaching--an extra that most schools are ecstatic to have people interested in.  During the second week in the school year, a position came open and I immediately applied for it.  Unfortunately, four months have gone by since that application, with no action taken on it at all.  Last week I withdrew the application, as there will be no way to properly prepare for the job in the limited amount of time that remains before it begins.

What I'm holding onto these days is resentment and anger.  If I had been told that I wouldn't have any real opportunities for coaching my entire first year here, I most definitely would not have taken this job.  If I had been told that an application would sit around for four months without any action being taken on it at all, I would not have taken this job.  So  now here I am, having accepted a position that turns out to be much more negative than I ever would have dreamed.  I've started to feel that I made a huge mistake when I accepted the job.

And I need to let go of the resentment and anger.  I need to let go of the frustration.  I still have too many other responsibilities to allow those feelings to interfere, to change me and the ways that I treat others.  I don't want to be fixated on it any longer, though in my life, staying focused on things like this always has been something that I've had difficulties with.  Any suggestions?

A reply:

This is very difficult for you, I know that.  And just so that you're fully aware, no, I didn't plan it in order to teach you a very valuable lesson.  I can make good of it, but it is a result of other people's actions, not of my will.

You are where you are.  Your reasons for accepting the job you have are irrelevant right now, though you are using them to justify your anger and your frustration.  And that's understandable--not helpful or healthy, but definitely understandable.  Because you are where you are, your focus should be on doing all you can for the people you're with, something that you recognize and acknowledge already.  That said, it's important that you are successful in working your way past the feelings that you have now, for those feelings are holding your down and back, keeping you from seeing all the brightness in your life right now.

Shift your focus.  Try to stay focused on the things that you like.  Yes, coaching is very important to you, and yes, you were looking forward to this opportunity.  I don't think you've made a mistake in withdrawing your application, if for nothing else than to point out the complete disregard with which the people who should have done the hiring weeks or months ago have shown the applicants.  Sometimes something like pulling yourself out of consideration--and you're a very highly qualified candidate--sends a very important message to other people in the process who need to know that others aren't living up to their responsibilities.  And the amount of frustration that you would feel taking on a task that needs much more preparation than a few weeks would allow would be just as bad as the frustration that you feel now, I fear, so it could be better to get these feelings out of the way as quickly as you can.

Of course, these are feelings we're talking about.  They aren't necessary controllable; when you choose to shift your focus to other things, your mind will want to drag you back to these feelings.  All you can do in that case is recognize what's happening, acknowledge and accept the feelings that you have, and then make every effort to shift your focus back to where it's going to be more positive for you.  Feelings are powerful, but you are the one who gives power to them.  It's not good to ignore them, but it's also not good to allow them to determine whether your day is a positive one or a negative one, whether you show love or frustration to others.

It's not easy.  But it is up to you.  Your feelings may be justified--frustration and anger very often are--but that doesn't make them helpful.  Try to find the feelings that are helpful, and allow them to be a positive force in your life.