Good morning, God, and thank you for this new today! I have a lot to do today, and I'm grateful for that--having a lot to do keeps me active and it allows me to gain a sense of accomplishment in the things that I do. Today should be a good day as long as I approach it with a positive attitude and as long as I give my best to what I do.
Speaking of things to do, though, I made a huge error last week. I had volunteered to do something, and then I completely forgot about it--well, actually, I didn't forget about it, but I thought that it was on another day. This is something that plagues me constantly, the fear of failure, the fear of having a responsibility and not following through on it. It was like a nightmare come true for me, and it wasn't pleasant. It's a terrible feeling when something like that happens, and I judge myself very harshly for it when it happens.
It frustrates me sometimes that I am so hard on myself, that I'm not able to let things slide without spending a lot of time agonizing over them. I know where the trait comes from, but that doesn't help me to get rid of the trait--it seems to be just as strong now as it was before I learned about the origins of such ways of looking at life.
I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to have failures. That happens to people. What I want is to be able to recover from them quickly without beating myself up about them. I want to learn from them and move on, and let life go on.
A reply:
If I were to say "Welcome to the human race," would that help? I didn't think so. You know already that you're a member of humanity and that making mistakes is a trait inherent in being human. And me telling you that isn't going to help you to feel better about a mistake that you've made.
Remember, much of the reason for which you beat yourself up at mistakes is because you feel that when you do make mistakes, people have the right not to trust you any more. Because of your background, trust is one of the major issues that you have to deal with--constantly. You have a hard time trusting other people, and you spend an inordinate amount of time and energy making sure that people can trust you. When that falls apart, as it did last week, it hurts because you try so hard to make sure that it never does happen.
I also won't say "This, too, shall pass," because you know that, also. None of these platitudes are effective at all, when all is said and done, except as starters, ways to help you to begin to think in different ways.
What I will say is to pay attention to some of the other lessons that you've been learning recently. Look for connections between them and what has happened here. Perhaps the most important thing here has to do with you needing help from someone else and asking for that help. Perhaps it has to do with you receiving forgiveness--from others and from yourself. What is most important is that you not allow what in the bigger picture is a very minor mistake to interfere with your life or your learning. Keep moving forward--don't allow this to hold you back. Right now, you're in a position in which you may actually do so. Don't.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Sunday, June 18, 2017
The most of today
Good morning, God, and thanks much for this new day of ours. There are quite a few hours stretching ahead of us, and I'm glad that I'm able to be here to experience them. What I really hope to do is to experience them well--to appreciate them and to make them count, getting something done during these hours that's worth doing, even if it's just to strengthen a particular relationship in my life or to make someone else feel better about him or herself so that that person might be able to contribute to the life in this world in very strongly positive ways.
Sometimes what I need help with more than other things is recognizing my opportunities to do good things in the world, to contribute to the lives of others. Perhaps I don't see that in a particular situation, and encouraging word would be very helpful. Perhaps I don't recognize that someone is feeling afraid, or depressed, or anxious, and I could help there. Maybe I'm missing an opportunity to change my own life in significantly positive ways because I don't see the chances that are there before me.
So perhaps you could help me with that? Maybe you could help me to open my eyes better and to be aware of chances that I have to contribute to the good and the positive of the world? I already have a huge list of things that I could have done but didn't see at the time, and maybe as I grow older I can have fewer of those things in my life. . . .
A reply:
You're very welcome for this day. I trust that you'll use it as well as you can in this particular time of your life.
You are right about not seeing things--you've missed many opportunities in your life because you haven't seen them or haven't recognized them for what they were when they were present in your life. Welcome to the human race. Remember that much of your goal as a human is to learn to see--to learn to keep your eyes and your heart open to the life that you're living. It takes practice for most people, and a lot of training. Given the fact that your training was not nearly as good as some other people were trained, it's naturally taking you a bit longer to reach points that other people reached when they were quite a bit younger than you. That is life--that's how it goes, and that's how it has gone forever.
But that's okay. You've come a long way from where you were when you started, and you need only look at your siblings to know that you've come much further than many other people who were given similar resources. The mere fact that you want to be awake and aware is extremely important, too.
I will do all that I can to help you, but in the end, of course, it's up to you. I can be here for support, but I can't regulate your life. I'm not going to tap you on the shoulder every time something happens to say "Look!" If I were to do that, your development would be greatly impaired. Every now and again I may do so. Be ready for it.
And hold on to your willingness to learn, to see, and to grow. Enjoy what you've been given, but learn from it, also. What you learn today will most definitely help you tomorrow. Stay awake, and stay aware.
Sometimes what I need help with more than other things is recognizing my opportunities to do good things in the world, to contribute to the lives of others. Perhaps I don't see that in a particular situation, and encouraging word would be very helpful. Perhaps I don't recognize that someone is feeling afraid, or depressed, or anxious, and I could help there. Maybe I'm missing an opportunity to change my own life in significantly positive ways because I don't see the chances that are there before me.
So perhaps you could help me with that? Maybe you could help me to open my eyes better and to be aware of chances that I have to contribute to the good and the positive of the world? I already have a huge list of things that I could have done but didn't see at the time, and maybe as I grow older I can have fewer of those things in my life. . . .
A reply:
You're very welcome for this day. I trust that you'll use it as well as you can in this particular time of your life.
You are right about not seeing things--you've missed many opportunities in your life because you haven't seen them or haven't recognized them for what they were when they were present in your life. Welcome to the human race. Remember that much of your goal as a human is to learn to see--to learn to keep your eyes and your heart open to the life that you're living. It takes practice for most people, and a lot of training. Given the fact that your training was not nearly as good as some other people were trained, it's naturally taking you a bit longer to reach points that other people reached when they were quite a bit younger than you. That is life--that's how it goes, and that's how it has gone forever.
But that's okay. You've come a long way from where you were when you started, and you need only look at your siblings to know that you've come much further than many other people who were given similar resources. The mere fact that you want to be awake and aware is extremely important, too.
I will do all that I can to help you, but in the end, of course, it's up to you. I can be here for support, but I can't regulate your life. I'm not going to tap you on the shoulder every time something happens to say "Look!" If I were to do that, your development would be greatly impaired. Every now and again I may do so. Be ready for it.
And hold on to your willingness to learn, to see, and to grow. Enjoy what you've been given, but learn from it, also. What you learn today will most definitely help you tomorrow. Stay awake, and stay aware.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Away for a while
Good morning, God--
It most certainly has been a long time, hasn't it? Here we are in June, and an entire semester has gone by without a word from me to you. At least, not here. But you know why--a very busy semester that took a lot out of me and that needed me to focus very strongly, and that left little time for other pursuits. It was a good semester, but a very trying one.
I just got back from Spain, and I'm very thankful for the chance to study there once more, if only for a very short time. It was a fascinating experience in many ways, and a good learning experience for me. And I learned much more than just some more Spanish, though I'm still not quite sure yet exactly what it was that I learned. I'm still processing.
In any case, you know that time away from doing something like this is not time away from truly caring about life and living. It's time away from an extra duty that is beneficial to me but that takes a lot more to accomplish than I'm able to give for that period of time. It helps to remind myself of this fact every now and again.
In any case, let's get going once more! I'll keep it up as long as I can!
A reply:
As you know already, no apology or explanation is necessary. When you do give such an explanation of what has happened, you generally do it for yourself, not for me or for the other person. Sometimes it's to make yourself feel better about something, sometimes it's to try to make the other person feel better about something. In a strong relationship, it's really never absolutely necessary, except as a way to make one or the other feel better.
I certainly don't feel neglected or deprived. I know your situations, and they are what they are. In another era of your life, you might have dropped a different task during the semester. This semester, you dropped these notes and responses. That's really okay.
Thanks for the note! We haven't been out of touch--the touch just hasn't been in written form!
It most certainly has been a long time, hasn't it? Here we are in June, and an entire semester has gone by without a word from me to you. At least, not here. But you know why--a very busy semester that took a lot out of me and that needed me to focus very strongly, and that left little time for other pursuits. It was a good semester, but a very trying one.
I just got back from Spain, and I'm very thankful for the chance to study there once more, if only for a very short time. It was a fascinating experience in many ways, and a good learning experience for me. And I learned much more than just some more Spanish, though I'm still not quite sure yet exactly what it was that I learned. I'm still processing.
In any case, you know that time away from doing something like this is not time away from truly caring about life and living. It's time away from an extra duty that is beneficial to me but that takes a lot more to accomplish than I'm able to give for that period of time. It helps to remind myself of this fact every now and again.
In any case, let's get going once more! I'll keep it up as long as I can!
A reply:
As you know already, no apology or explanation is necessary. When you do give such an explanation of what has happened, you generally do it for yourself, not for me or for the other person. Sometimes it's to make yourself feel better about something, sometimes it's to try to make the other person feel better about something. In a strong relationship, it's really never absolutely necessary, except as a way to make one or the other feel better.
I certainly don't feel neglected or deprived. I know your situations, and they are what they are. In another era of your life, you might have dropped a different task during the semester. This semester, you dropped these notes and responses. That's really okay.
Thanks for the note! We haven't been out of touch--the touch just hasn't been in written form!
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