Coming up on the end

Good morning, God, and thank you much for this new day. We've had quite a bit of snow this week, and the world outside is quite pretty--and cold! It's appropriate, of course, for the season in which we find ourselves. It's almost Christmas, and the snow and the cold help to make the season seem even more Christmasy--to me, anyway.

Now that the end of the year is almost upon us, I find that I'm not quite sure how I feel about the year that's just gone by. It's been a challenging year in many ways, and strangely unfulfilling in many ways. I published a novel, but I don't have any marketing or sales success. I've started a new job, but while I've felt good about teaching the class, now that I'm back at the university, I'm back to having much less of an idea of who my students are, what they need, and how to help them. While I obviously don't want to dwell in the past, it is important to take lessons from what has gone by in order to do things better in the future, isn't it?

These landmarks of our lives--new years, birthdays, graduations, moving, etc.--can help us to keep focused, I suppose. They can help us to reflect upon what we're doing and how we're doing it. But I also know that if we're living life day by day, then we have to be focused on this day right here, right now, not dwelling on the past or thinking about the future. So when something like this changing of the year comes along, I do have to wonder just how much I should be focused on reflection. The year just gone by has been positive for the most part, but with significant negative elements added in. Can pondering these things really help me with the next year of my life, or would it be better for me to simply focus on the present moment and keep on keeping on.

A reply:

It's an interesting balance, is it not? From one side you hear "stay focused on the moment," while someone from a different direction is telling you that it's important to reflect on what has gone and what's to come if you want to live life fully. Still another side might tell you to just do as you're told and don't worry about things that aren't what you're supposed to be worrying about, while another will tell you to accept all things that come your way without worrying about what they mean or how they affect your life. Perspective--it's a wonderful thing.

There are certainly drawbacks to thinking too much about what has been. Yes, you can avoid future problems if you're able to identify causes and effects, and avoid the particular causes in the future. You can pacify yourself and make yourself feel better if you reflect on something and realize that you did the best you could, even if the outcome wasn't what you hoped it would be.

But remember something very important: all of these so-called "landmarks" are artificial, created by human beings in order to bring some order to an existence that they saw as unordered. Does time even exist, if we consider it subject to certain rules that can prove existence? What is a birthday but a designation that on this day, something happened. If there were no calendars, would there be birthdays? Would there be a New Year? Absolutely not.

You're a part of a race that feels a bit lost if it loses its methods of measurement, especially where time is concerned. You depend on your watches and calendars to give you a sense of place in time. Your home gives you a sense of place in space, but your watch gives you a sense of place in time. If you value that sense of place less than others, then your watch becomes less important to you. If you're comfortable with a higher level of uncertainty than other people are, then you won't need to feel that sense of place nearly as much as your fellow humans do.

That said, if you are able to function with a greater level of uncertainty, then you probably are a person who reflects on life and living on a regular basis, and there's a good chance that you don't need the artificial reminders of the passage of time to remind you to stop and take stock of where you are, what you're doing and what you've done, and perhaps even where you're going. And shouldn't that be a goal of life if you don't want to be centered in the material world--to be centered on life and living and the passing of each moment rather than trying to think about an entire year near the end of December. Think of all that you have to consider if you wait--and how much you'll forget and miss.

Life is a process, not an end result. You live the process each day, each moment. All forms of measurement of these moments are artificial, and they sometimes lead to less effective decisions about how to lead your life ("Oh, that can wait until the end of the month" isn't always the best thing to say!).

I've given you moments. Lots of moments. My hope is that you'll fill them with positive, loving, and compassionate thoughts and actions. If you want to know how to do this, just ask!

People are dying

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day of ours.  I hope that I'm able to make the most of it and turn it into a very special day.

I have a rather heavy heart today.  More people killed in a mass shooting, this time in Bakersfield.  All these people dead, for no reason.  I know that people are killed every day, all over the world, not just in the States, but it's starting to feel like our society is degrading into a horrible mess, where people don't just not love each other, but actually are starting to hate each other just because of their differences of opinion or different outlooks on life.  We live in a society where it's becoming increasingly common for people to try to solve disputes with weapons, rather than words or reconciliation.  There are so many good people here, yet so many who have reached a point at which they want to hurt and kill others.

Why does our society not see what's going on and make a concerted effort to change things?  We have millions of people who are hurting, but very few ways for them to find help.  We have people who want companionship, intimacy, love, friendship--but who are unable to achieve any of those things that they desire.  We have people who are so desperate for something that they see their only viable option as picking up a weapon and hurting others.  Can we do anything to stop this?

A reply:

Such is the human race.  As a race, you have allowed yourselves to be swayed more by fear than by reason or compassion; more by anger than by a sense of unity.  In fact, you actively deny your unity in order to feel more justified in being angry.

What your country is suffering through now is a symptom, not a disease.  The disease has been around forever, as long as humans have been around, and it will stay with you until your communities become loving, supportive entities based on love and compassion rather than on retail and power struggles.  You need to focus more on teaching people their value and teaching them of things like effective conflict resolution.  You need to teach them what you all have in common rather than focusing on your differences as most of you do now.  You need to teach young people how to be helpful rather than helpless, and how to relate to other people on equal footing rather than on limited and artificial social structures.  You need to teach people to be responsible not just for their own actions, but for the well-being of their fellow human beings.  I can tell you honestly that apart from the mental illnesses, most of the people who have killed would not have killed if they felt themselves a part of a loving, caring community where they had a lot of support and in which they felt good about themselves.

You are the most individualistic society in the world, and that's getting even more extreme.  Young people spend many hours in front of screens--computers, games, television, movies--alone, when they could be spending that time with friends or families, learning about social rules and learning how to get along with others.  If they were to spend time with others, they also would get more encouragement, and they would start to feel better about themselves and their place in this world.

This symptom is going to go away only when you start to teach your young people to get along with each other.  Only when you pull them away from screens and teach them to be a part of a community in which they can receive good as well as give it.  Only when you start to focus on cooperation rather than competition.  Only when you teach compassion rather than judgment.  Only when you stop your politicians from bad-mouthing each other and calling each other names, providing the worst kind of role models possible for our young people.

This can be fixed, but you must start with the people and their hearts, not with the symptoms.

Work and money

Good morning, God, and thanks for this new day!  We have three degrees below zero right now, but we have a warm place for shelter and warm clothes for protection against the cold, so we have much to be thankful for.

It looks like my work situation is changing significantly, and I want to thank you for that while at the same time expressing my fear, or discomfort I guess, about the resulting financial insecurity that will come with the change.  Of course, I need to bring in an income, but there's much less income guaranteed in some situations than in others.  My fear, of course, is not having enough money to keep going.  I'm working hard at what I do, of course, but that has never been a guarantee of anything in the past.

I guess my prayer, then, is that our needs continue to be met during a transition period that's anything but safe and secure.  I appreciate the work and opportunities that I have, of course, but I do still have responsibilities and obligations that must be met.  My prayer is that I am able to meet them while still being able to get the most out of life (and you know that my wants and needs are not extravagant).

A reply:

That shall be, just as you pray it.  You have fear now, but think back to other times when you've had fear--you've ended up not just surviving, but thriving.  No, you've never gotten rich, but you knew when you chose to become a teacher that such a thing wouldn't happen.  You've met your responsibilities for the most part, and when you haven't, it's been part of a larger plan that ended up working out for you, in ways that were better than they would have been otherwise.  You've foreclosed on a house, but what would have happened had you not foreclosed would have been much worse.  You've had other problems, but the alternatives to those problems would have been very drastic, indeed.

As change comes along, the main thing I would encourage you is to be active in making the changes, rather than simply sitting back and waiting for changes to come.  You have passions and you have likes and dislikes, and you should search out that work that allows you to work within the realms of your passions.  Don't just wait around for something to come up.  Make things happen.  You can do it, and your happiness and fulfillment are at stake.  Keep your faith in me and life--it will help you to make it through the times of doubt and anxiety.  You'll do fine.

Another new day

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day--even if it is -2 degrees outside, it's still a beautiful day, and I still have much to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving has gone by already, and we're moving on to the Christmas season.  The sales that now define our Thanksgiving holiday have passed for the most part, though our obnoxious retail advertisers are trying to extend them all through the weekend, all the way to Monday, now.  It's such a shame that we've become so materialistic.

But all in all, things are going well.  I just wanted to say hello because I've done so little here in November.  While I have talked to you in other contexts, I do value talking to you in writing because it helps me to focus and clarify so well.  I thank you for this wonderful new day, for the gifts I have, and for the life I'm living.

A reply:

You're welcome.  Enjoy the day--that's what I made it for!

Other people

Good morning, God, and thank you much for this new day.  As I write, it's dark and cold outside, but here in the house we have heat and light to keep us comfortable and allow us to be up so early on such a day.  I do want to thank you for the things that allow us to live our lives in comfort and relative ease--had we been born into a time period in the past, we would have experienced life with very few of these things.

Today I'd like to ask you about the role of other people in our lives.  This perplexes me, because no matter how hard I try to be positive, no matter how hard I try to accomplish things and contribute to organizations and groups, someone always seems to sabotage my efforts, in any of a multitude of ways.  It's important, I know, to go into life with a good attitude and to do our best at all we do, but it's very hard to do this when there are so many people who seem to be doing their best to bring other people down.  We seem to be at the mercy of other people's whims, other people's likes and dislikes, other people's moods.

And when these other people are in positions of influence over us--bosses, supervisors, teachers, parents--they can really make our situations difficult.  Even if they're on the same level we are--colleagues, fellow students, friends, acquaintances--they can make things difficult for us, too.

Of course, there are those people who try to lift up, encourage, strengthen, and brighten.  They seem to be rather few and far between, though.  I think that I would like to be this kind of person, but I'm not sure I have it in me to be.  I try, but I don't think that I succeed all that often.  And I don't want to be one of those people who are "false enthusiastic," who say how wonderful something is even when it's not wonderful.  Honesty is too important to me for that.

So why, God, are others so important in the ways our lives go?  Is it possible to live without giving them too much importance, even if they're our bosses and they can have a strong influence on things like our livelihoods?

A reply:

There are people who want to bring you down, either to their level or lower.  They think that doing so makes them feel better about themselves, but it really doesn't.  Even after they put you down, they still fear you and they still feel fear about their own weak self-esteem.  The problem with this becomes exacerbated when they are given some form of control over other people, such as when they're promoted to a position of authority and they can do things like assign hours, hire and fire, or give performance reviews.  They tend to use these things not to be accurate or honest, but to fulfill their own needs for building their sense of self, for making themselves feel better by "taking care of" anyone who seems to present a threat to their authority.

You live in a time when things are getting worse, too.  Think for a moment of what it would mean for a subordinate to tell his or her boss "I disagree with that."  Now, there are many bosses out there who are able to deal with disagreements just fine, but they're not in the majority.  Most bosses will see this disagreement as a threat to their authority, and they think that it's necessary for them to "do something about" this threat.  And you know the results of this.  As life gets more fragmented and more people spend more time with their technology than with other human beings, the feeling of being threatened by others is going to become even more common.  The defensiveness that comes with the feeling of being threatened will increase.  And given the lack of human interaction, people will have learned fewer strategies for resolving conflict, and will more often resort to the exercising of their "power" over others--e.g., firing or writing people up--in order to deal with their own insecurities.

The bottom line is that it truly is important that you keep working on not letting other people's actions affect you as strongly as they might.  Of course, it's impossible to not let them affect you at all, especially when it affects your paycheck or your job or your personal relationships, but you can minimize the effects a great deal by keeping in mind the fact that you are doing your best to be open and honest, and a bad reaction shows much, much more about the person reacting than it does about the person who has spoken the truth as he or she knows it.

Hang in there.  Things may not get better, but you will get stronger.  People are people, and while they are wonderful overall, there's much about them that can be annoying and even harmful to others.  Learning to deal with them is one of the most important lessons in life.

Waiting for Change

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in my life.  We have about six inches of snow outside, and it looks like we've turned the corner from the warmish part of autumn into the second part, which will lead into winter.  It's beautiful outside, and I thank you very much for something as pretty as snow.

Classes are going pretty well, though they are almost over--we have just five weeks left of class, which is kind of a surprise, kind of normal.  Time seems to go very quickly during a college semester.  In any case, I thank you for the classes and for the time that I've been able to spend with the students--it's been very valuable to me.

I titled this "Waiting for Change" because I feel that there's a huge need for change in my life, especially in the area of work.  I know that what I'm doing now isn't sustainable financially, and I need to find something else that will pay the bills more reliably.  I say "waiting" even though I know that I need to actively pursue change--it doesn't just sneak up on me and happen one day.  The problem is, though, that things could go in any of several directions, and I'm not sure which direction is right for me at this point in my life.  Should I focus on my writing?  On online classes?  On teaching at the university?  There are so many possibilities, yet I'm not sure which one would be the most effective or the most reliable or the most beneficial.  Help!

A reply:

You find yourself at what many people would call a crossroads.  You have several different paths that are open to you, but no knowledge at all of what lies down any of the particular roads.  I'm surprised that you didn't mention the fear--this type of situation almost always brings about fear.

Me:

May be the fear's too strong, too prevalent for me to even notice it for what it is.  Or perhaps my faith is finally growing strong enough that I don't fear such situations any longer?

A reply:

Both of those are possible, of course.  But that would be a discussion for a different time, when our focus is on something else.  You're concerned about these different paths that you may take.  And not so much with the paths themselves, but with the results that the paths create in your life.  If you choose writing, for example, and you're not able to earn enough money from it, then you'll have major financial problems.  If you choose the university and you're not able to get enough classes, then you'll have the same problem.  It's fascinating--and rather dismaying--that your major concern when considering the paths you should take in your life is money.

And it doesn't dismay me as a result of what you're doing or thinking.  It dismays me in the sense that you live in a society that doesn't value helping people to reach their potential and follow their gifts--you live in a society that has come to worship money and profit, and that has made it very difficult for people to follow paths that contribute to the financial side of the world in indirect ways.  You're a teacher--your contribution to your society's economy is extremely vital to that economy, yet because no one sees any short-term profit from your work, you're marginalized financially through weak financial rewards for your work.

But you're aware of that.  Now you stand at a crossroads that demands a decision from you--either you move wholeheartedly in one direction and give it your all, or you take a few hesitant steps in two or three of the directions, hoping for some sort of sign that you're on the right road.  I think that you know from reading that sentence which is going to be--in the long run--the most beneficial choice for you to make.  Now you need to look in your heart and spirit and decide what you have a passion for, what makes you feel best about yourself and all that you do.  Will it be the short steps and no commitment to a direction, or will it be full commitment, come hell or high water?  (Sorry, but some cliches I allow myself because they're so expressive!)

You can wait for change if you'd like.  Or you can be the agent of change and make the changes that you know are best for you and yours.  Your faith is growing, and I would encourage you to make your faith an important part of your decision-making process.  You'll do fine, whatever direction you choose.  You just want the direction that will help you to grow and prosper in the ways that you're supposed to.

Restructuring

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in my life.  It's cold here now, and it looks like winter is on its way!  I thank you for the changing seasons, for the way that the world goes through cycles that help us to remember that life isn't always one way and that things don't always go consistently--that we don't have to worry if some sort of change is occurring in our lives, because change is the nature of life.

Right now, I feel changes coming on.  I feel that my teaching days are coming to an end, and though it isn't something that I've planned on or pursued, it's not something that dismays me.  I want to switch to working on my writing, but the financial risk is going to be pretty difficult to handle if I do so.  Also, it's kind of hard for me to pursue writing if I waste so much of my time in unproductive ways, which happens every now and then.  I would really love to make a living as a writer, and I would appreciate any guidance that you have to offer me in pursuing such a dream.

A reply:

You almost didn't write "dream."  Why not?

My reply:

Because in my experience, my dreams don't come true.

Another reply:

And hasn't this been the reason for which you haven't pursued writing in the past?  Because you think that to make money as a writer would be something of a dream come true, and you doubt that that can happen to you?  If that's the case, then join the club--many, many people limit themselves and their own opportunities in just the same way.

Do you have talent as a writer?  Absolutely.  Can you win a Pulitzer Prize?  Who knows?  One never knows where one's writing may lead to when one devotes oneself to it completely.  Your fear right now is that if you devote yourself completely to your writing, you and your wife will not be able to "make it" financially.  Your needs and desires are simple, of course, and neither of you are extravagant spenders, but you feel the need for some sort of assurance that you won't go under and lose everything if you try to make your living as a writer.

That's assurance that I cannot give you.  I am here to support you and to guide you, but what if your most important piece of writing in the future results from the difficulties that you encounter when you devote yourself to the craft?  What if your relationship with your wife, rather than being weakened by struggles, is strengthened by struggles?  What if your major contribution to the world comes out of your struggles rather than from your comfort?

Think about it.  How many of the most important works in the world have come from people who were living in comfort?  Many of them have, of course, but most of them have not.  Look at a list of truly important works and see just how many of their authors went though significant trials.

Now your counterpoint would be very valid:  you've already gone through more struggles than most people ever do.  That's true, to a certain extent.  Perhaps if you dedicate yourself to the writing, your past struggles will provide you with the material you need to succeed.  Perhaps the struggles you've already gone through will be enough for your work to be truly meaningful.

But remember this:  Much of the success in life comes as a result of risk.  If I guarantee you that you will face no trials if you shift gears and move in a different direction in life, what risk is there?

You will always have my love and my support, and I will not let you fall.  But I cannot promise a life without problems or trials.  What would life be life if I did?  I do have every confidence in you, for I know the talents that I gave you.  Please use them for all that they're worth, and make your decisions based on your heart and your faith.  I'll be with you, no matter where your road leads you.

Do dreams come true?  Of course they do.  Do dreams come true without someone taking a risk to help them come true?  That's another question.

This new day's gifts

Hello, God, and thank you very much for this new day in our lives--I really do appreciate it.  I have a beautiful autumn day ahead of me, and I promise that I'll try to do all I can to make it positive and joyful.  Of course, all the golden leaves on the trees and today's blue skies and cool temperatures will help a lot, and I than you for those things, too.

Sometimes it really is fascinating to slow down and to think of all the beautiful things that surround me every day.  All the time.  I'm surrounded by amazing things every minute of the day, yet somehow I get caught up in my life and its issues, and I stop seeing just how fantastic this world really is.  Is that what it means to become jaded?  To stop seeing the miraculous in the "ordinary"?  To stop appreciating the beautiful and the sublime?  If that's the case, then I don't want to be jaded--I want to keep my appreciation and my awareness of the beauty and magic of the things around me.

One of the things that I pray for is a constant awareness of the good things in life, as opposed to a constant focus on the bad things.  I do need to be aware of the bad things, to know what they are and how to deal with them, but I can't let myself stay focused on them.  I believe that a focus on them will attract more of the same to me, and it would also be a shame to know that I've been given so many great gifts that I don't enjoy because of the very few real problems that I choose to make the major part of my focus.

I don't want to be one of those people who get fifteen wonderful gifts for their birthday, yet spend the day moping because of the one thing they wanted but didn't get.  I want to fully enjoy my fifteen gifts.  So thank you very, very much for all of the gifts of today.

A response:

You're welcome.

In a way, I want to stop there.  But I know that you appreciate my answers and that you really do think about them, so I'll say a little bit more.  I like your focus here.  It makes sense.  And it also will help you all through life, for when you foster appreciation for the things that you have, your life will be filled with more of the positive things.  And you'll also feel better when you appreciate your gifts--you'll feel stronger when difficult things arise, for you'll know that the difficult things are far outweighed by the amazing things.  And that does not diminish the importance or severity of the difficult things, but it does provided a healthy perspective based on balance.

I want your life to be a gift, and not necessarily a trial.  You were born into this era because of the lessons you can learn here and the person you can become.  The trials you go through are different than those of people who were born into different eras and different times.  And those trials are much easier to bear when you keep in mind that the gifts that you have available to you are many, and are much more accessible to many more people than they ever were.

Enjoy your day, and enjoy your life!

Another New Day

Good morning, God, and thanks for this new day of ours.  It's supposed to be another beautiful day, which is very nice to have in October.  The leaves here are at their peak all around us, and we have a lot of beautiful golden scenes to enjoy.  It's been warmer than usual, so it doesn't feel as autumn-like on the skin, but that's a very small thing when all is said and done, isn't it?

It seems like my last few notes to you have been about worries.  I'm not saying that's bad, because if we can't discuss our worries with you when they come up, then with whom can we discuss them?  I do want to take today, though, and move away from the worries.  I still have them and I'm still working on them, but I don't want to have my entire conversation with you to be focused on them.

Instead, I would like to focus on the positive things in my life right now.  I ran a race on Saturday and ran it pretty slowly for me, and still got second place and a nice prize package--thank you for that!  It was a beautiful day then, too, and we really enjoyed ourselves over in McLeod.  I believe that my slowness was due to the heavy wind that day, as everyone else was slow, too.

My classes are going well, and so is the job that I'm doing at CC.  It's very nice being a part of two completely different worlds, as my brain is being used in several completely different ways, and I'm learning things from several different perspectives.

I need to work on getting focused enough to finish a couple of writing projects--perhaps you could help me out there?

We have a nice place to live, we have food on the table, we have work, we have a lot of opportunities that we hadn't had before we moved here, so thank you for all that.  I do try to be grateful as much as I possibly can--you know that--but the worries do move themselves into my life sometimes and make things difficult.  In any case, thanks for all that's going well!

A reply:

You're welcome, but of course, you have a lot to do with things going well yourself.  There's a bit of a myth among people who "believe" in me that all good things come from me.  The truth is, though, that you create a lot of the good yourself through your actions and your decisions.  Your gratitude for that good, though, is extremely important, as it helps you to create more good (and therefore feel more gratitude, etc., etc.)

Yes, things are going well for you.  No, they're not going as well as they could, but one of the most important lessons in life--one that you've learned already, even if you don't always put it into practice--is not to focus on what we think things should be rather than what things are.  Financially, most of the people in your country are having difficulties, and that situation is a precursor to change.  I don't know what the change will be, but the situation is reaching crisis proportions, so there will have to be some sort of change soon.  It can go in any of several different directions.  But the main thing for you to take from that is the fact that your financial situation isn't completely your doing.  You're a member of your society at a time in history when people of your class have a harder time making ends meet.  And you also have several financial responsibilities that aren't yours, but which you and your wife have taken up in order to help other people--and you've got to keep that in mind.

Why am I talking about finances when you didn't?  Because the worries are still there.  I know you want to be positive, yet sometimes it's much more important to work your way through confusion and concerns than it is to put on a happy face and pretend that nothing's wrong.  If it takes another week, another month, another five years to work your way through these issues, I'll be here to help you do so.  Put your faith in me.  Put your faith in the life I've given you and others.  You'll find that when you trust me and life, the day-to-day stress diminishes significantly.

And thank you for your thanks.  I don't expect it from people, but I do appreciate it when it comes.

Worries about Tomorrow

Good morning, God, and thanks much for this new day that we have--I really do appreciate it.  I hope that I'm able to do many positive things during this day.

I've been thinking more of the things I've been writing about recently, mostly about the fact that our financial situation has taken several huge hits and that I've been spending a lot of time worrying about what that means for our future.  I'm not in a situation right now in which I can simply go out and get another job, given all of the time commitments that I have; I also don't have savings that I can access, due to other hits that we've taken in the recent past.  We've tried to save regularly, but each time we build up a comfortable reserve, something completely out of our power to control comes up and snatches it away, it seems.

In some ways, it feels like we're being penalized--we're losing our savings because of someone else's actions, and we have no way of avoiding being hurt by that.

But be those feelings what they may be, today I'm more interested in talking about what's going on now--the worries that I'm feeling about next month, next week, even next year, due to my current job situation.  I do recognize that I can't do anything about next month or next year, and that I have control only over what I do today.  I also recognize that worrying won't help anything--it will just bring me down today.  But those two pieces of knowledge don't necessarily keep me from worrying--they're true, but the worry has a life of its own.

Which brings up the missing piece of the puzzle, I think.  Trust.  Trusting you.  Trusting life.  You know as well as anyone that I have trust issues due to my upbringing--deep trust issues that are very hard to overcome.  It's hard for me to trust you or anyone else, and when things like this keep happening, that makes the trust all that much harder to come by.

If I could trust you fully, I wouldn't be worrying today.  I wouldn't have any concerns about where the money's going to come from in the future.  I wouldn't worry about not being able to afford the rent or the food.  That is, of course, if I could trust you fully.

The frustrating part is that I know that I should trust you.  Many, many people have done so, and you've come through for them.  And I know in my mind that their trust is the thing that allowed you to come through.  My lack of trust could be one reason for which so many things go wrong--simply because I don't give you a chance to lead my life in the directions that are the most productive and fulfilling.  If there are setbacks now, those setbacks will contribute to a happier and fuller life for me--down the road.  That doesn't have to happen here and now.  Right now, we have a place to live, we have food to eat, we have work.  I am grateful for that, but I mix that gratitude with worry that we won't have the same things tomorrow.  And that's due to a lack of trust.

Sometimes I've thought about the question, "If I could have any one thing in the world. . ."  I think that today, if I could have any one thing, it would be trust.  Faith in you and in life.  Faith that I can go about doing my best in all that I can do today without worrying about tomorrow, for I know that tomorrow will take care of itself.

A reply:

And that's an incredibly important thing to desire.  So many people don't live their todays fully and completely, for they spend their todays worrying about their tomorrows.  And so many of those worries are justified.  The important thing to remember, though, is that just because something is justified doesn't mean that it's the best thing for us.  If your child steals a dollar, you're justified to show him no trust when you find out; but is showing your child no trust the best thing to do?  Absolutely not.

You can trust me.  You've seen it in the lives of others, you've read it in the many books that you've read--you've felt it in your heart.  I am there for you today, I will be there for you tomorrow.  I don't meddle in your day-to-day lives as a control freak or a micro-manager, but I do care for you, and I do care about your life and your state of mind.  After all, I need people on the planet who are at peace and who share their love and caring with others--and how are you supposed to do that if you're constantly worried about just getting by?

Your current financial difficulties are also balanced by you having more free time, and I've been glad to see that you've been using that spare time to help others.  The training that you're going through for your church simply wouldn't have been possible if you had had a full schedule--we both know that.  Some other work that you've been doing wouldn't have been possible.  And you've been very observant to see that just because you're making less money doesn't mean that you can't contribute in other ways.  And you have been contributing.  That's a great thing.

But you also have been worrying.  That's a natural thing.  Not exactly productive or helpful, but still quite natural.  You do have financial obligations and responsibilities to meet.  Though I wish I could, I cannot get into your mind and erase that worry.  You've recognized the truth that in order to banish the worry, it's going to take an act on your part, an act of choice to trust that things will be okay, even if they seem not to be.

It may be that one year from now you're in the same home; it may be that you're in one that's smaller and less expensive.  It may be that you're at the same jobs; it may be that you're doing something entirely different.  It may be that you're driving the same cars; it may be that you have different cars.  It's not part of who I am to tell the future in order to comfort you, but I can tell you quite unequivocally that you can trust that what will happen, will happen for your best.  You will be able to deal with situations and to adapt, and you will be fine.  Not just fine, but thriving, especially considering some of the directions you've recently decided to go in.

Hang in there.  Follow your instinct and trust me.  Here's why:  when you do trust me, you'll be able to put 100% of your energy into your current affairs, without spending much of that energy on something useless such as worry.  That's why I want you to trust me.  It's not an ego thing with me--it's about giving you a chance to concentrate fully and completely on what you're doing so that you can do it as well as possible.  I can be trusted, just as you can.  Trust that fact, and you can trust me.

Several possible directions

Hello, God--and today I say "good afternoon" instead of "good morning."  I don't usually write anything here in the afternoons, but here I am.  Life's been getting more than a bit strange, more than a bit complicated, and I'm not sure that I'm handling it too well.  I've spent the last week being sick, which usually is a result just as much from stress as from any bug or virus that I've encountered.  And it's very true--I'm very stressed these days, and there really isn't any indication that there's any sort of financial change in my future that will relieve me of the stress.  We're in a very precarious situation, and I have no idea how I should approach it or try to deal with it.  I'm simply unprepared for this sort of thing.

I know in my heart that my faith should be strong enough to keep me from stressing out about possibly running out of money.  It's never happened in the past, and it shouldn't happen now.  But I've made so many efforts to have a positive effect on our finances that I'm finding it hard to believe that anything I do is going to succeed.  I have some tiny bit of success, but no real true success.  In fact, we're now going to have to use the last of my retirement money (which isn't much to begin with) just to make it through this winter, it appears.  And things are happening all at once--car problems, annual insurance payments, etc.--so it's not simply a question of a few bills that we need to take care of.

I suppose that the most important question of all is where I should go from here.  I know what many people say about following our passion and doing the things that we love to do, but I've been trying that for a while, to no avail.  On the other hand, I don't see how getting an extra low-paying job is going to make much of a difference, other than turning me into a miserable person who doesn't have time to spend with his wife or on things that I love doing.  I might get paychecks, but I most certainly wouldn't be living my life fully and richly.  Is this latter idea just a pipe dream, or is it something I should be expecting out of life?  Could it be that my own fears and attitudes are keeping me in financial straits?  Somehow, I'm not sure that I see the value in blaming myself for thoughts and ideas that have been ingrained in me by others for so many years.

So I give it to you.  Yours is now the financial situation, and yours are also the choices that I'll be needing to make about my future.  Are there opportunities out there for me?  Or am I doomed to constantly worry about money, never quite having enough no matter how much or how hard I work?

A reply:

We've talked about this before.  But I understand that after many years of building certain beliefs and expectations, it's not really possible to simply change them on demand, even if you hear something from me.  All I can tell you is that I want you to thrive, not to suffer; I want you to enjoy life, not to fear it.  And you should be able to thrive in any situation, as long as your basic needs are being met--and so far, they are.  What's happening is that you're worrying about what will happen "when the money runs out"--you're worrying about a future that you don't know is coming.  The first thing for you to do is to focus on the present, know that all of your needs are being met right now, and be grateful for and happy about that.  When you're able to do that, we can talk more.  I don't want to go into too much detail now because I think that you really should focus on this particular "assignment," if you will.

Good morning

Good morning, God!  A new day is here, and I have a lot to do on this day.  I'm grateful for that fact, for I've had days when I haven't really had many opportunities to accomplish things, and those days were very difficult.  So though I'll be very busy today, I'm thankful for the chance to be busy.  And I know I won't be busy for the next two days, so the busyness today isn't going to keep me from enjoying the autumn days that I've been given.

So thank you!


A reply:

You're welcome.  Just keep your eyes and heart open for all the opportunities that you have to share the love inside you, and your day will be marvelous.

When It Rains

Hello, God--

Today is here, and I have a whole day ahead of me now, a day that I can make the most of, or a day that I can squander.  I thank you for this day and the opportunities that it brings to me, and I sincerely hope that I can make the most of them.

Of course, today also means a trip to the dentist.  That's a mixed bag, there, for it's very positive--the dentist is going to fix a problem that I have with a tooth--and very negative--it's going to cost a lot more than we really have to spare right now.  In fact, it's one more thing piled up on top of many more things that are making our financial lives quite difficult right now.  Car issues, fewer hours at work, the loss of a steady source of income, annual bills coming due--all these things are adding up to a huge problem these days, and it's getting almost impossible to see any light at the end of the tunnel.  I know that we're not unique in this way--millions of people are having problems making ends meet these days--but it does get quite frustrating and demoralizing.  One of the most difficult parts of it all is knowing that we work hard, and we do good jobs in all that we do--much better than average jobs, yet there isn't any corresponding return on the great amount of effort that we give.

What are we supposed to do when we watch our bank accounts draining, when we look to the future three months from now and realize that there isn't going to be anything left at the end of a month?  What do we do when we work very hard and well, only to be paid less than many other people who do much less work?  How do we deal with it when we're trying so hard to reach a level of stability with our finances, only to see another $500 go away to get a car fixed?

I'm not at that point, but I can certainly understand how people can turn away from God and religion when such difficulties arise in their lives.  How are we supposed to maintain faith when we're promised over and over that God will take care of us, yet we can never get ahead and we can never find financial security?  How can we be living our lives fully and getting the most out of life when there are worries about money on our minds almost all the time?  It simply doesn't make sense.

A reply:

I can certainly see your logic about faith.  I want you to know first and foremost that it is not in my plans to have anyone suffer from worry or from poverty.  It does happen, and it happens far more than I would like to see.  It is not my desire to see anyone feel hopelessness and frustration, except that they function as catalysts to cause people to move on to better things in life and even better lives.  There are no true paradigm shifts in any areas without a sense of crisis to bring them about--and some people need greater crises to cause them to make changes that will improve their situations.  It is not in my plan to see you suffer from worry, but is it possible that the negative feelings you have that result from worry may provoke actions on your part that will make such worry negligible or even non-existent in your life?

And those changes need not be major changes--they may end up being changes in attitude, changes in perspective, changes in acceptance.  Or changes in trust.

One thing that does concern me constantly is the fact that so many people would look at your situation--or the situations of so many others that are similar--and say that it's your fault.  From a worldly perspective, they would say it's your fault because you have the wrong jobs, because you haven't saved enough, because you've squandered money on other things.

From a spiritual perspective, they would say it's your fault because your faith isn't strong enough, because you're not "right" with me, because you need the lessons that money problems and worry will provide you with.

I will say very clearly:  it is not your fault.  Yes, some people do squander large amounts of money and end up suffering financially because of it.  That is not the case here--I know it and you know it.  That is not the case for millions of people who have similar situations and worries.  It's important that you know that you're not facing these problems because you bought a pair of shoes last month instead of leaving that money in the bank.  It's not happening because you ate out three times last month.  It's simply happening.

And it's hard for me to say "have faith in me" when you have had faith in me up until now, and you're still facing these problems.  In all fairness, why would you believe me when I say "have faith"?

One thing that every problem needs is time.  They're rarely solved quickly and neatly.  Over time, you'll watch things fall together in ways that you couldn't predict, and you'll see your problems diminish, slowly and surely.  You'll learn ways to cope with what's happening, and you'll develop strategies for compensating for the issues.  I will help you through that process.  I'll help you to open your eyes to solutions and strategies, and I'll help you to deal with your worries effectively instead of letting them overwhelm you.  I will do all that I can to give you peace of mind and peace of heart, for when you're facing life from a peaceful place, it's easier to see what's needed.

I would love to say "Give your problem to me and I'll solve it immediately."  Life, though, has never worked that way.  It isn't designed to work that way.  It's hard to hear "Hang in there and keep at it, but don't worry," but that's essentially what I'm saying--with the offer to take your worry over myself.  Give your situation to me and give your worry to me, and I will work with you to bring a resolution to them both.

Fears Are Back

Good morning, God.  Thanks much for this new day and the new opportunities that it brings to live, to love, to appreciate, and to cherish.  These new days are very important to me, and I'm grateful for them.

I'm going through quite a lot these days, especially concerning work.  My hours have been cut dramatically at one job, and I'm experiencing a lot of fears of authority figures that I haven't experienced in many, many years.  It's the old fear of judgment coming back, the fear that I'm going to be told that I'm doing something wrong or bad and that I'm not going to have the chance to defend myself, or that if I do have that chance, I'm not going to be believed.

I know where this fear comes from of course, but that doesn't help me when it comes in the middle of the night and keeps me up.  And it also doesn't help me to come to terms with it--why, after all these years, is this fear re-emerging?  Why am I having to deal with it at my age?  It's something that should have been relegated to obscurity years ago; instead, I'm finding myself dealing with issues that I've dealt with for years and years--and for no real reason.  The fears are unfounded.  They make no sense.

Add to that the financial fears, and you have a very interesting set of circumstances.  Terry and I just committed to going on a cruise next May, which means that we'll have to spend a lot of money AND that I'll have to take six weeks off from teaching in order to be able to go.  In order to be able to do both of those things, we're going to need to actually have money.  I took the extra job in order to be able to have extra money, yet now it looks like the extra job will be simply compensating for the lost hours.

My two greatest fears, back to haunt me in significant ways.  Why?  What can I do about them?  I feel that the only thing I can do for the first one is to be absolutely perfect in the class or on the job, and there's no way I can be that, of course.  And for the second one, I feel that I'll have to work many extra hours at extra jobs just to have money coming in--is that the case?  I do have other options for income, but they, of course, haven't panned out nearly as well as they could have.  So what do I do here?  How do I deal with these fears?  Is this a question of a lack of faith, or is there something else to it?

A response:

First of all, let me say that this is not about a lack of faith.  "Religious" leaders will often tell you that fears are a result of a lack of faith, but that's not necessarily true.  It hurts me to see so many people turn away from me because they think that they're being "punished" for a lack of faith--their prayers aren't answered, for example, because their faith isn't strong enough--and I wish that people would stop trying to judge the quality of each other's faith.  Your faith is what it is, and given the circumstances under which you grew up, I'm actually a bit surprised that it's as strong as it is.  And I appreciate the fact that you try to keep it childlike and sincere--simple and strong.

You know where your fears come from, and that's a very good start.  When you know their source, at least you can recognize them for what they are--fears, and not reality.  I'm not big on pop culture, but I do like the acronym "False Evidence Appearing Real'; it gives a good idea of what fear is all about.  How do you deal with it, though?  How do you, in your daily life today and tomorrow, put those fears aside and go on with your life in productive and positive ways instead of worrying and wondering?  Isn't that the essential question that everyone must face?  Fears in themselves aren't nearly as destructive as the lack of focus that one experiences when dealing with fears in addition to dealing with all the other things that life throws at you.

I could assure you that everything will be okay, yet if you really can't find a reason to believe that, then my words will fall on rock and not have the chance to grow.  Because let's face it:  if you're not able to take that cruise (and I know that it's your first real vacation in many years), and you still have enough money to buy food and rent shelter with, things are still okay, aren't they?  Your dreams of a vacation have been dashed and you'll be dealing with a very high level of disappointment, but things will still be okay, technically.  But are dashed dreams really okay, especially when they're rather modest dreams that are very realistic and completely understandable?

Your fear of authority and judgment is very real, and it results from your childhood.  It's very common in people who had an alcoholic parent or two in their childhoods.  And this fear triggers a defense mechanism that can be very uncomfortable to deal with--and even very painful in many ways.  I would say that the best way to deal with it is to get to know the authority figures in your life right now--interact with them and learn about them.  They will do things that you don't understand, for they're dealing with a lot of fears themselves.  Their fears will even make them do things that are completely wrong.  But the more you know about them, the better will be your position when things do seem to be going wrong; the more you'll understand what's going on.

Now, some of these people make themselves inaccessible--physically or elsewise--so getting to know them isn't that easy.  In that case, it may make you feel better to write things down.  Write down things that happen so that you're very clear in your mind how things were.  Writing things down, as you know, helps us to clarify thoughts and helps us to see where we might have done something "better" or differently.

This may also help with your money/job issues.  Write down what you need, and write down what you know you have now and what you will have.  Find out what the disparity is.  Then you can brainstorm ways to come up with the shortfall.

And pray.  Pray for guidance and pray for help.  I know that you won't pray for the money in the form of a windfall, but you might even consider that.

Don't play the lottery.  Don't gamble.  Both of those systems are designed to take money, not pay it out.

And try to relax, try to enjoy, and give your best to all you do.  I know you try to do that already, but keep that up.  You can deal with obstacles much better from a place of peace and balance than you can from a place of stress and fear.  Pray for that peace of mind.

A Bit of a Rest

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day and my chance to live it.  It's the first day of rest after six weeks of a really overwhelming schedule, during which I had to neglect many things, including these "chats" with you.  It was a schedule that was kind of forced upon me, and one that I never would have chosen to have.  I prefer to have a more moderate schedule, one with a balance between work and rest and other activities that are often more fulfilling than work.

The rest time now will be much appreciated.  It always takes me several days to unwind after long periods of being overworked, and today is the first day of trying to unwind.  I'm grateful that I got through the time relatively unscathed, though now I'm going to face the task of catching up with those things that have been neglected.  That promises to keep me rather busy over the next couple of weeks, though it's not as difficult a kind of busy for me.

I often wonder about the busy times--I don't like them at all because they put me out of balance, but I do know that they make me appreciate the "normal" times much more.  During the busy times I miss being able to relax, being able to carve out moments of peace in my day.  I miss leaving work behind and going for a nice long walk or run.  The busy times can make a day seem to be more of an ordeal than a gift, and I simply don't like that.  Perhaps they happen to make me appreciate the less busy times more; perhaps they happen to help me to be able to deal with being busy more effectively.  I don't know.

In any case, I'm grateful that now I have a few days of respite to look forward to, a few days of living more slowly and less intensely (I like living intensely, by the way--just not so much when the intensity is because of work).  I look forward to waking up in the morning and knowing that I can use the day as I wish, for the most part.  Thanks for this new day, and thanks for the flexibility it brings!

A reply:

You're very welcome.  As you go through this new day, perhaps you could ponder something about these last six weeks:  maybe they just happened, without any real lesson to bring to you.  Perhaps any lesson that has come to you through the busyness has come from you, too.  After all, you weren't the only person on this schedule, and it would be rather silly to think that everyone who went through this period being as busy as you has received the same lesson.

Life is life.  It's an amazing process and experience, and it does tend to bring people what they need when they need it--or people find what they need in whatever comes.  Will you now find something useful in this time of rest?  Perhaps you'll find new ways of reflecting.  Maybe you'll find the time to start another novel.  Whatever comes of this positive time, you will find ways to make it happen.  Whatever came of your time of unbalance, you found ways to learn the lessons, to understand the points, to comprehend the need to interact with life and living.

Your gratitude is important.  And you know that you're thankful for some of the other elements of the busy time, too--earning more money, getting to work with more people, being able to help more people, and so on.  It's also important that you recognize and understand the lack of balance--many people suffer in life because they never see that they're unbalanced, and thus they never understand that many of their fears and pains are caused by not leading a balanced life.  And when you come through a time of little or no balance, it's very important that you seek out a balance as soon as you can.

Remember also, though, that this is the second time this summer that you've been out of balance.  The first time was when you were finishing your novel, and your unbalance was just as severe as it was now.  The only difference is that you chose to unbalance yourself and your life the first time, so it made more sense to you, as you were accomplishing a personal goal.  The second time was thrust upon you, so it was much more unpleasant.  Unbalance happens in many ways.  Sometimes it's a choice, and sometimes it's not.  Either way, the good thing is that you have learned from it--twice.

Enjoy the restful time.

For a Time

Good morning, God, and thanks for another day in my life.  I don't know how many mornings I have to wake up to, but I'm certainly going to try to enjoy them and appreciate them while I have them.  I thank you for this new set of opportunities to contribute to life in my own ways, and I hope that I live up to my potential as I try to do so.

Sometimes it's hard to see whether or not we're actually contributing.  There are times when I feel like I'm really giving nothing at all, while there are other times when I feel that I'm actually giving in positive ways to others.  I know that all that we can do is our best, and then trust that it's enough, but there are times when I question even that theory.  And the other thing I question is whether I'm even giving my best--or if what I'm giving is simply a substitute for my best, kind of an effort that necessarily falls short.

Either way, I keep on keeping on, and I keep trying.  And I hope that what I'm doing is enough--and that if it isn't, I'll be redirected somehow onto paths that will allow me to give enough.

A reply:

There are very few human beings who haven't felt the doubts that you're experiencing.  This is especially true in the society in which you live, in which achievement is the dominant criterion for judgment.  A contribution, though, is a contribution.  It's something that you give freely, and there really isn't any sort of scale to follow that will define "enough" or "not enough."  There's also no scale for "best" or "not best."  When you give, you give, and that's enough.  And as human beings, there are limits as to what you can give, based on things like mood, strength levels, condition of your spirit, the support that you feel you have, and many more.  One of the signs of growth among human beings is to be able to be comfortable with what you give, and not worry about whether it's "enough."  When you can, give more.  And when you need to, take a rest from giving, and even take.  There must be a balance in life, and if nobody takes, then who can give?

You are contributing.  In small ways and in larger.  Much of your contribution will remain unknown to you, as the recipients move away from you in the ways that people tend to move apart.  Just know that when you give, you are contributing.  Just be careful that there aren't conditions attached to your giving, for then you're no longer giving--then you're bartering.  And while there can be many positive sides to bartering, it most definitely is not the same as giving.

One of the more difficult elements of giving comes along when our giving isn't recognized by others, when there are no thanks offered for it, when no appreciation is shown for it.  This is where letting go comes in.  Another sign of growth among human beings is when you've let go of your need to hear or receive acknowledgement for what you've given.

When you give, you contribute to the world.  Period.  And the ripples start to emanate from your giving, and they really do reach out into the world as a whole.  Trust that fact, and your giving will take on a new dimension, and your doubts will fade.  Perhaps they won't fade away completely, but they will diminish, and they won't haunt you so much.

Good morning, God

When I looked at the date of my last entry, God, I was quite surprised.  It doesn't seem like it's been that long.  I really just wanted to say good morning and thank you for all that I have today--my home, my work, the people with whom I have contact, the beauty all around me, the hobbies that I have that I enjoy doing.  My life really is rather full and fulfilling, and it's important that I constantly keep that in mind and appreciate it.  I do know that I have many gifts, and I don't want to take them for granted.  So thank you for the sun and the rain, for the flowers and the concrete, for the smiles and the frowns, for the uphills as well as the downhills, and for the many opportunities that I have to grow and mature and become more than I am today.

A reply:

You're welcome.  And thank you for enjoying and appreciating--you're one of a relatively few people who do that.  Keep it up!

Belonging

Okay, so you mentioned that I should talk about belonging, so here it is.  It's an extremely difficult topic for me to address, because when all is said and done, I don't think that I've ever felt that I belong anywhere.  From childhood on, I've felt like an outsider, wherever I've been, whatever I've been doing.  And because of the lack of a feeling of belonging, I don't think I've ever learned what it means to act as if I belong somewhere.  I don't know what it means to trust that others see me as a part of any type of group.  I don't have any experience in feeling comfortable in any situation, really.

And the most ironic thing for me is that the lack of a feeling of belonging tends to lead to certain types of friction that keep me from feeling that I belong--a type of never-ending circle, if you will; a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.  I've learned in life not to let myself feel comfortable in any situation involving groups, so I feel as if I'm doomed to stay at the edge of groups, always looking in from the outside, never being a true part of them.  To others, this probably looks like aloofness, or arrogance; to me, it feels like fear and worry.  What will happen if I do feel comfortable in a group?  Will I then be rejected and cast out, and then have to deal with that sort of pain instead of the pain that I feel from not feeling a part of things?

I do know that this is a very painful feeling--there are no two ways around that.  I am happy with my life as it is, but I recognize in it what I feel sometimes to be an incompleteness, a type of emptiness that I'm not sure how to handle or how to eliminate.  Perhaps I'm not supposed to feel that I'm a part of things.  Perhaps my lot in life is to live on the periphery, always looking in at others who are living as a part of the whole while I struggle to make myself feel connected to anything at all.  I do miss connection, partly because I've never really felt it at all when it comes to the world as a whole, and partly because I do want it.

Am I supposed to fill that hole with you?  That's what a lot of the fundamentalist Christians say, but they never say how.  Am I supposed to pray when I have a long history of unanswered prayers?  Am I supposed to give up hope and just focus on the other things in life that I enjoy and that I do well at?  There are so many questions, and so few answers, it seems.

A reply:

These are difficult topics.  And just to be clear, there are several different topics here, all of which are very valid, and all of which are very important, both to you and to me.  I think that one of the most important things to keep in mind is something that you make very clear yourself--there's a difference between belonging and a feeling of belonging.  You definitely belong, in any group, in any situation.  All of the people of this planet belong, though not all of them feel that they do.

Of course, it's not that simple.  You would not feel comfortable in a group of people who are racists and who want to harm people of a certain race.  You would not "belong" in that group in one sense, the sense that uses racism as its deciding factor as to whether or not you feel that you're a "part" of the group.  In another way, though, since all of the people in that group are human beings who feel and who hurt and who laugh and cry and who also want to "belong," then you are a part of that group.  But it's a group that you would (and probably should) choose to avoid.

If you have problems at work, it could be that your lack of a sense of belonging is affecting you there.  On the other hand, it could be something else.  Perhaps your work is not fulfilling, and you're hoping for a way out that doesn't force you to make a decision to leave.  Perhaps the people there aren't the kind of people with whom you feel that it's positive to hang around with.  And perhaps, also, it is your fear--your lack of feeling of belonging--sabotaging you and keeping you from making the contacts that humans so strongly long for.

You were created as social beings, for the most part.  Community is in your genes and in your hearts.  One of the things you need to do, though, as human beings, is to define community for yourselves.  For some people, community means a very small circle of friends; for others, that circle is extremely expansive.  In your case, you don't feel that there's any community of which you are a significant part, and that can be painful.  You've moved all of your life.  You've changed homes over and over again, in the process changing the people you know and work with.  That causes many difficulties that other people simply don't face, the most obvious one being a lack of deep relationships.  In your family, there are no deep relationships.  So where can you "belong"?  And how?

Now here's the hard part:  I want you to rest assured that you do belong.  Believe that you do belong, and act as if you do belong, and you will start belonging.  That will mean speaking up those times when you feel like shutting down and staying quiet.  That will mean volunteering when you want to rest and relax.  That will mean committing yourself to things that may be a bit uncomfortable, that may cause you to spend time with other people so they can get to know you a bit better.  If they do think that you're arrogant and aloof--no matter how wrong their impression--the only way to get them to change their perspective is to help them to learn that the judgment they have of you is wrong.

It won't be easy.  You do have the strength to try, and you do have me here behind you.  You have others behind you, too, even if you don't feel their presence and their support.  Try this, and remember that you have to act as if you belong if you are to belong.  And you have to act that way even if it goes against your feelings of not belonging.

Check-in

Good morning, God, and thanks for this new day that already has started.  I'm just checking in right now--I want to say hello and thank you for all the new opportunities I have this day for new experiences and new feelings and for learning and growing.  I appreciate the fact that I have another new day on this planet to experience all that it has to offer.  I've already lived longer than a vast majority of people who ever have been alive, and I know that's a great privilege.

I would like to ask for your help when I'm dealing with issues that come up in my life.  I would like to be able to deal with all such issues from a spiritual place, from the part of me that knows peace and love.  I don't want to deal with problems from a place of frustration or anger or any other negative feelings.  There have been times in my life when I've actually been pretty good at doing so, but somehow I've come full circle, back to a place where I'm not focused nearly enough on the spirit and far too much on the world and all its problems.  Sometimes I think that all I really need is a reminder, and that the reminder would be enough to help me to focus on the good and the positive in any given situation.

Any hints?

A reply:

What you seem to want is some sort of alarm clock that can be set to go off whenever you start to feel stress.  Something like that would be similar to an aspirin that you take any time you feel a headache--you may be treating the symptoms, but you're not really getting to the heart of any problems.  What you really want is to come from a spiritual place all the time so that you're dealing with everything in a spiritual way.

I would say there are several ways to maintain this focus.  First of all, it's important to make prayer a very important part of your life.  I'm not talking about prayer for show, and I'm not talking about simple repetition of words that someone else has written.  I'm talking about regular check-ins with me and your spirit (which are one and the same thing, by the way), reminders that life is a spiritual adventure and that you can deal with any situation in a spiritual way--and that doing so will be much more effective than being defensive or aggressive or angry or anything else that promises unsatisfying resolutions to your problems.

It's also important to see other people as spirits having a human experience.  They, too, are going through problems, are dealing with issues that change their feelings and behaviors.  Once you see them as spirits, though, on exactly the same level you are, you'll be able to deal with them as such.  And they'll appreciate it, even if not on a conscious level, and you'll then treat each other with more dignity and respect.

Can you wear something to act as a constant reminder?  I'm sure you have something around that you could put on a finger or a wrist or on a shirt.  It should be something that nobody else understands the meaning of, for if they know what it is, then your reminder becomes something you're using to show other people your "spirituality" rather than a symbol that helps you to stay centered.  Kind of like the bandanna you wore around your knee at the summer camp many years ago.  That worked pretty well, didn't it?

Speaking of that, perhaps next time you can write about belonging.  I'd love to hear what you have to say about that topic.

Good Morning

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day that we all have.  I really do appreciate the opportunities I have to meet new people, to live, to love, to learn, and simply to be.  I appreciate the food and the clothing and the shelter that I have, and I appreciate the opportunity to work to earn the money to provide these things in my life.

Life has taken some interesting turns since last I added to these pages.  It's been difficult to contribute partly because of my efforts to minimize Internet time and maximize time spent on other things.  While I do like the flexibility of the Weblog format and the ease of talking to you this way, sometimes the computer is on too much, and I'm on the computer too much.  I've been thinking recently, though, that taking this time with you is more important than some of the other things that I end up doing.  I don't know--it's definitely possible to overthink such things, of course, but in many ways I don't feel the spiritual growth that I had hoped to be feeling.  Somehow I need to kick-start that growth, and what better way to do so than to open lines of communication with you?

What I hope to experience in spiritual growth is simply growing closer to you, making you a bigger part of my life, my decisions, my relationships.  I want to be one of those people who makes it clear to the world that my spirit is extremely important to me--more important than almost anything else.  I want to be able to treat other people as a person of spirit would treat them, and I want to be able to give freely of myself in all ways possible, whenever it's appropriate that I do so.  And I want to be able to discern between those times when it's appropriate and those times when it is not.

I sincerely hope that I'll be able to keep this up and to continue to grow.  I hope to address issues that are very important to me.  I hope to be able to reach points at which I feel good about the choices and decisions I make.  I want to feel a closeness to you, not a distance from you.  Please help me to stay dedicated to maintaining this dialogue, and please be with me when I do so.

A reply:

Of course I'll do so.  The time off that you've spent from this has been necessary time for you; otherwise it would not have happened.  I think you know that even if you haven't been maintaining this dialogue, you still have been growing closer to me.  The blessings of your life have not shriveled up and disappeared simply because you haven't been making blog entries.  My love for you has not diminished.  Remember that it's not possible for my love for you to be broken or destroyed--it's one of the few constants that you experience in the world that you're on, and it's that constant that keeps many people in their faith.

I welcome a dialogue with you.  I welcome a dialogue with anyone who chooses to speak to me and listen to me.  I love it when that happens.  I'm glad that you're back.  That said, though, I never considered you "gone" when you weren't making entries here or in your other journal.  Sometimes learning has to take place where you are, when you are there, and sometimes that learning needs to last a long time before you're able to process it, internalize it, and then discuss it.  I think that our dialogue in our near future will be richer and fuller because of the time that you've been growing in other ways, learning from other people and other situations, and feeling things that you wouldn't have felt had you had a stronger connection to me.  In many ways, you've been walking through a desert, and you've come out amazingly well.  It will be wonderful to discuss those times with you now!