Winter's back

Good morning, God, and thanks much for this new day!  It's a snowy morning again, after several weeks of spring-like weather that had us all thinking that winter and snow were distant memories. And while it's a bit of an annoyance, there are, of course, many positives that come with having more snow. The snowpack in the mountains is being replenished, so there will be more water in the summer. We'll have more groundwater when this stuff melts. And it's really pretty.

It reminds me so much of life--just when we think we've worked our ways past something, we find out that we really haven't. It comes back up and bites us, sometimes making us think that we haven't accomplished anything at all or that we're actually moving backwards in life. I think I'm in that kind of stage with my teaching--I still often wonder about whether I'm an effective teacher or not, about whether I belong in the classroom, about whether or not students are getting what they need from me. Sometimes I think I need to work harder on planning, but then I go and have some of my best classes with no planning at all. Some students don't like having me as a teacher, some students really enjoy my classes.

These are doubts that I thought I had worked my way past. Long ago. But they're back, or they're still here, just rising to the surface once again. It may be a pretty crappy metaphor to compare it to the return of winter, but I guess it seems to work. In any case, if anyone gets what I mean by it, you do. At least, I hope you do!

I guess if I had anything to ask of you as a prayer, it would be that you help me to be the best teacher I possibly can be so that my students will benefit as much as possible. Then, when these doubts start coming up, I can look at the positive side of them, just as I can see a lot of positive aspects of spring snowstorms. Maybe they make me a better teacher. Maybe they help me to appreciate what I'm doing and what I've done in the past that helps me to do what I'm doing now.

A reply:

Spring snow is a beautiful thing. It's a reminder of the difficult times that your part of the world has just gone through, and you know for sure that better times are coming--you just have to get through a few more storms. And it's your choice how you get through them. You can celebrate the snow and the beauty, or you can feel depressed because it's not warm enough and there's not enough sunshine. It's always your choice.

As far as the analogy of your doubts, perhaps you forced a metaphor because when you started writing, you didn't realize exactly what it was that you wanted to write about, but it came to you nonetheless as you wrote more. In any case, the metaphor works for me--I might have used a different one, but it makes sense.

What are the late snowstorms in life? The resurgence of negative things, or the resurgence of positive things? Last year there wasn't as much spring snow, and there were more summer fires. Is it simply a disparity between what you want and what you get? Yes, everyone's ready for spring, but would spring from here on in be the best thing for your area? And I'm not just talking about the people, but the wildlife and plants and the soil and earth itself.

Perhaps your doubts and fears (you don't use the word, but it's there) are the best thing for your students. Would you spend as much time mentally going over your classes if you didn't have them? Would you spend as much time preparing if you didn't have them? This resurgence of your doubts could be a way for you to make sure that you're giving your all instead of becoming complacent and continuing to do things the ways you used to do them, as so many other teachers tend to do.

It's a good reflection. As a teacher you're planting seeds constantly. Your doubts are that spring storm that prepares the soil to be fertile, that provides the water for the rivers two or three or four months from now, when it finally melts. The doubts ultimately give your students a benefit two or three or ten years from now, when they think back on things that they've learned and something that you've taught comes back to them. Live with the doubts--don't let them control you, but don't dismiss them as useless or harmful.

The Nagging Feelings

Good morning, God, and thank you for today. It's going to be another cold and snowy day--winter is back, with a bit of a vengeance, isn't it? That's okay, though, as it's still winter and the few spring-like weeks of weather that we had were very nice to experience. Thanks very much for them--they will make the end of winter something much more bearable.

I guess my major concern today is with nagging thoughts--thoughts and ideas that are always at the back of my mind, trying to bring me down in one way or another, making me think about things that I don't want to think about, making me worry about things that I don't want to worry about. They're almost always there, making me worry or stress about things that are outside of my control. They're about money, about people, about tasks that are ahead of me or already done, about others judging me and/or things that I do. They're about students and colleagues, they're doubts and concerns, they're tiny but they're very strong. I make my very best effort to keep them at the back of my mind, but the truth is that sometimes my best isn't as good as it could be--I still feel stress and I still feel fear.

I wish there were some way that I could banish them for good, or even just evict them whenever they show up to bother me. I know that there are those people who would say that they're the result of a lack of faith, but I don't buy that--my faith is quite strong, and I know that it's not the source of these thoughts. The source is fear, and fear has always been a pretty constant presence in my life. Rarely do these thoughts grow strong enough to ruin a day or create extreme amounts of stress, but they are consistent, and they are unnecessary--they accomplish nothing for me. Any thoughts?

A response:

Of course there are thoughts. First of all, you're welcome. Enjoy the day and all that it brings to you. That's why I made it in the first place.

Second, thoughts like this are a problem for virtually everyone. You have a bit of an advantage in the fact that you're able and willing to recognize them for what they are and accept the fact that they're there--most people do themselves quite a bit of damage when they refuse to acknowledge their existence, much less take them on and try to do something about them.

Your faith does have something to do with them--no, they're not "caused" by a lack of faith, per se. They're not punishment for not believing something strongly enough. But they are let into the back of your mind through spots that your faith isn't strong enough to fill. Think of a bucket full of water--it it's completely full, there's no place for anything else to fit in the bucket. But if there's room anywhere, there's space for something else to get into that bucket. In a way, it depends upon what you fill your mind with, and how full you fill it. You've noticed that when you get completely immersed in something, your mind somehow doesn't have space for those nagging thoughts to be running around in there because you're concentrating so fully on something else. The nagging thoughts that you mention tend to be with you during times when you're not concentrating fully and intensely, no? They kind of sneak in there when there's open space to sneak into.

If that's the case, then it seems obvious that one way of dealing with such thoughts is to keep your mind occupied. That hardly seems possible, does it. Another way of dealing with them is to keep your mind empty, through meditation, which is something that you've never really tried. One of the goals of meditation is to empty the mind of thoughts that are there in order to achieve peace and balance. It's a very effective way of dealing with such thoughts, but in reality, relatively few people choose to meditate regularly.

Another way of dealing with those thoughts is to deal with them actively without banishing them or crowding them out. Accept them, consider them, and learn about them. If it's a thought about money (and many such thoughts are), understand why the worry about money is there and keep in mind that worrying won't change the money situation. Perhaps you're afraid that you'll run out of money--that fear is logical and understandable, but the thoughts that results from that fear are not. Understand that they originate in that fear and that by running around in your mind, they're perpetuating the fear that you feel. The fear may even be subconscious, but it's manifesting itself in your consciousness by creating thoughts that plague you throughout the day. So accept the thought and try to understand it so that you can understand some of what's going on in your mind on deeper levels.

It takes work. It takes effort. Most worthy endeavors do. But freedom from such thoughts most certainly is worth any effort that you may expend in an effort to reach it, isn't it?

Acceptance

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day--thank you for the opportunities that I have to make the day into something special if I choose to do so, and for the chances I have to do things I haven't done and to encourage people and to try to help others out.

I read some quotations on acceptance this morning, and it's a good topic to read about. Sometimes I still try to make things happen in the ways that I want them to happen and it's difficult for me to simply accept that the way things are is the way things are, and that sometimes it's better that way. The balance in my account is what it is, and there's nothing I can do about that at the moment--though I can plan on making important changes so that the balance improves, that road lies in the future--right now it is what it is. And until I accept it, perhaps the plan never would come about.

You've given us an amazing world, but that world is filled with a lot of struggles and challenges, isn't it? I think that most of the stress that we experience, though, is more a result of us trying to fight the way things are in a futile wish that they were otherwise. No matter what my account balance is, no amount of stress that I feel will change it. And my plans for changing things will come from a much better place and be much more effective if I make them from a calm and rational place, right?

I guess I'm just pondering now, rather than actually asking anything specific. In any case, thanks again for this day!

A response:

You're more than welcome, as always. And I think you're right--you're pondering more than asking, but that's okay sometimes, isn't it? Bouncing our ideas off of others is a very effective way of coming to important--and accurate--conclusions. I think that you're definitely on the right track as far as acceptance is concerned, for life is what life is, and you'd be condemning yourself to a pretty miserable time if you fought against everything that came along and accepted none of it. What you didn't mention were the things that you shouldn't accept, things like racism and hatred and prejudice. That said, though, if someone makes a racist comment, it's important not to accept it, but sometimes it's not in anyone's best interests that you speak up against it immediately. Also, you do have to accept that the person who made the statement has at least racist tendencies, and deal with that person with that knowledge from then on. Keep in mind, though, that my acceptance is complete for all people. That racism comes from somewhere--that person didn't ask for it.

Acceptance is a fascinating concept. Keep reading about it and keep practicing it, and you'll find that your experience of life improves pretty dramatically as you get better at accepting things for what they are. Just as I accept you unconditionally for who and what you are.