Sometimes, God, I just don't get it. I watch the world, I read the news, I talk to people, I try to understand things--but I still just don't get it. Human beings continue to do awful things to the planet and to each other, and there doesn't seem to be much anyone can do about it. We try to educate people, but other people screw up the educational system so that it becomes much less effective and useful. We try to police people and cities, but some people just find ways to avoid that policing and to harm others any way they can. We try to take care of the less fortunate, but many people just do their best to manipulate the system and take advantage of it.
What are we as human beings doing? Even more important, what are we as spiritual beings doing? Why are we so strongly focused on movie stars and athletes, and not on our siblings and our children? Why do we look for ways to compete with and harm each other instead of trying to find ways to cooperate with and help each other?
I get confused when I see the anger in the world. I feel admiration when I see the love in the world. I see people killing people and I feel disheartened; I see people contributing to food banks and I feel hope. And I wonder why more people can't give and share and encourage, and why fewer people don't feel the need to harm and discourage. I see the beautiful forests and I feel elation; I watch people cut down the trees for profit, and I feel confused as to why we don't search out other sources of power and paper. I see a young child's smile, and I feel hope for the world; I hear how his or her parents abuse the child, and I feel a deep sadness and hopelessness for our future as a race.
What can I do? How can I help? Tell me, God--guide me, please, because I'm truly not sure how I can help to make this world a better place, even in the smallest of ways.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Change
Good morning, God, and thank you for today. Thank you for the opportunities I have to experience life, to teach, to learn, to love, to share, to taste and feel and enjoy the many facets of life. We're near the end of a school year, which means that for my wife and me, significant change is right around the corner. We'll be moving to a new town in a new state in a few weeks, and I'll be starting a new job in a new school come fall. Both of these changes mean new opportunities for growth and for meeting people and for facing and meeting challenges, and we both thank you for them.
Sometimes, though, I have to wonder why the conditions here reached such a point that we both felt that change was necessary. We both know we have to leave here, but is that because you know that the situation here isn't healthy for either of us, or because of things that we've done or felt? We know that our situation here is not at all positive for us, but is there something that we could have done differently to make it healthy, or is this simply your will for us, to put us at a point at which we really needed to make a decision that would matter in our lives?
Both of us feel your hand in this. It's not like you messed things up just so that we would move, but we do feel that the message to move on has been very strong and undeniable. Our goal is to heed those messages as best as we can. We both know full well that there is a possibility that the messages actually were saying "Stay and help to fix things," but we also both feel very strongly that that's not the case--the negative situations from which we're moving are deeply rooted, and the people in them are very much entrenched in their ways.
In any case, thank you for allowing us to see clearly when life is giving us messages, and thank you for giving us the strength to heed them. Both of us feel that the move we're making is a very positive one, and we both want very much to make it. And so far, all is going very smoothly with it, which we also see as a very positive sign that this was meant to be. So thanks.
Sometimes, though, I have to wonder why the conditions here reached such a point that we both felt that change was necessary. We both know we have to leave here, but is that because you know that the situation here isn't healthy for either of us, or because of things that we've done or felt? We know that our situation here is not at all positive for us, but is there something that we could have done differently to make it healthy, or is this simply your will for us, to put us at a point at which we really needed to make a decision that would matter in our lives?
Both of us feel your hand in this. It's not like you messed things up just so that we would move, but we do feel that the message to move on has been very strong and undeniable. Our goal is to heed those messages as best as we can. We both know full well that there is a possibility that the messages actually were saying "Stay and help to fix things," but we also both feel very strongly that that's not the case--the negative situations from which we're moving are deeply rooted, and the people in them are very much entrenched in their ways.
In any case, thank you for allowing us to see clearly when life is giving us messages, and thank you for giving us the strength to heed them. Both of us feel that the move we're making is a very positive one, and we both want very much to make it. And so far, all is going very smoothly with it, which we also see as a very positive sign that this was meant to be. So thanks.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Opportunities
I want to thank you today, God, for the opportunities that we have in our lives. Today I'm going to be renting a moving van, loading it up, and driving it 500 miles to the place that will be our new home. It's going to be a lot of work, but I do the work with gratitude for the ability to make this move--we can afford the truck, we can make a change that we know is necessary for us, and we're limited only by the limits that we place upon ourselves. Our world is full of opportunities that we don't take advantage of, and I'm grateful for the fact that my wife and I are willing and able to make a change in our lives that is necessary.
Not everyone can pack everything up and move, of course. There are many limitations in life that are real and unavoidable. But over and over again I see people with great chances in their lives turn them down or avoid them because of fear of change or fear of being alone. I've seen students turn down full scholarships to wonderful colleges because they didn't want to be too far from home. I've seen people turn down the chance to live in beautiful places that are much nicer than their current homes simply because they're comfortable where they are. What a word, "confortable." It seems like such a nice goal, yet it's so destructive to us if we want to learn more about life and living.
So God, today I just want to thank you. Thank you for the open doors, thank you for the ability to look for those open doors, and thank you for the life that I'm living. Please allow me to see all of the opportunities that come my way, and please allow me to have the discernment necessary to make the most out of all those opportunities.
Not everyone can pack everything up and move, of course. There are many limitations in life that are real and unavoidable. But over and over again I see people with great chances in their lives turn them down or avoid them because of fear of change or fear of being alone. I've seen students turn down full scholarships to wonderful colleges because they didn't want to be too far from home. I've seen people turn down the chance to live in beautiful places that are much nicer than their current homes simply because they're comfortable where they are. What a word, "confortable." It seems like such a nice goal, yet it's so destructive to us if we want to learn more about life and living.
So God, today I just want to thank you. Thank you for the open doors, thank you for the ability to look for those open doors, and thank you for the life that I'm living. Please allow me to see all of the opportunities that come my way, and please allow me to have the discernment necessary to make the most out of all those opportunities.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Letting Things Go
My wife and I will be leaving our current home soon, the third time we've been more or less forced to do so in the last several years. While we don't necessarily want to go, we know that staying where we are would lead to more frustration and more financial problems, so we need to move on. One of our most important questions that we've asked ourselves over and over is what you want us to do, God, and the answer of "stay" never felt right for either of us.
So now we have to let go of things again--places and people and friendships. We have to say goodbye to things that have become dear to us over the last couple of years, trusting that you will provide for us when we move on, that you'll be watching over us and helping us to see the right decisions to make, the right places to go, the best options for us to take. It's difficult in a lot of ways, God, but we're willing to make the move because we both feel strongly that it's what's best for us--and what you want for us.
Letting go, I suppose, is at its core an exercise in trusting you. When I let go of something, I have to trust that I won't be lacking something that I absolutely need later on. When I allow something to slip into my past instead of continuing to be a part of my present, I'm trusting that my present won't be full of need, but that something else will take the place of what I've let go, and that something else couldn't have made its way into my life unless and until I had let go of the limiting something from before.
So we put all this in your hands. Life moves on and on, and it's not up to us to try to control its directions--it's up to us to live it as best we can and contribute to the world in all the ways that we can. We'll move on, and we'll do so with trust in you and trust in life. Thanks in advance.
So now we have to let go of things again--places and people and friendships. We have to say goodbye to things that have become dear to us over the last couple of years, trusting that you will provide for us when we move on, that you'll be watching over us and helping us to see the right decisions to make, the right places to go, the best options for us to take. It's difficult in a lot of ways, God, but we're willing to make the move because we both feel strongly that it's what's best for us--and what you want for us.
Letting go, I suppose, is at its core an exercise in trusting you. When I let go of something, I have to trust that I won't be lacking something that I absolutely need later on. When I allow something to slip into my past instead of continuing to be a part of my present, I'm trusting that my present won't be full of need, but that something else will take the place of what I've let go, and that something else couldn't have made its way into my life unless and until I had let go of the limiting something from before.
So we put all this in your hands. Life moves on and on, and it's not up to us to try to control its directions--it's up to us to live it as best we can and contribute to the world in all the ways that we can. We'll move on, and we'll do so with trust in you and trust in life. Thanks in advance.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Today
Hello, God, and thanks for being here today. And thanks for allowing me to be here today. It's Monday, which means that it's off to work with me--another day at school as we count down to the end of the school year and the beginning of summer break. I do have to say that I really do appreciate the opportunity that I have to work with young people, to help them to learn to write and read more effectively. It is a very rewarding job, and a relatively stressless one at that. Of course, with all the pressures being put on teachers these days, it gets to be more and more stressful, but that's just something I need to deal with until I decide not to do the job any more.
On this new day, I have many blessings. I woke up in a warm bed, and I had food to eat and heat to turn on. I have clothes that I can wear today, and I have a computer that I can work on and write these words on. I have a car that I can take to school, and many things at school that make my job there much easier.
In addition to the material things, I have my health. I'm in the late stages of a head cold, but that certainly could have been much worse, and that's not much of a thing to complain about, is it? I have a beautiful drive to work, with lots of nature and scenery to look at. I work with nice people with whom I get along, so there certainly are many blessings in my life on this new day.
What I'd like to ask you is that you be with me to help me to keep my mind on the blessings, and not think much about the other things that currently are not blessings. I tend to lose focus on the positive things sometimes, including you, so if you could just help me to stay in tune with the life that I'm continuing to lead on this day, I'd truly appreciate it.
thanks!
On this new day, I have many blessings. I woke up in a warm bed, and I had food to eat and heat to turn on. I have clothes that I can wear today, and I have a computer that I can work on and write these words on. I have a car that I can take to school, and many things at school that make my job there much easier.
In addition to the material things, I have my health. I'm in the late stages of a head cold, but that certainly could have been much worse, and that's not much of a thing to complain about, is it? I have a beautiful drive to work, with lots of nature and scenery to look at. I work with nice people with whom I get along, so there certainly are many blessings in my life on this new day.
What I'd like to ask you is that you be with me to help me to keep my mind on the blessings, and not think much about the other things that currently are not blessings. I tend to lose focus on the positive things sometimes, including you, so if you could just help me to stay in tune with the life that I'm continuing to lead on this day, I'd truly appreciate it.
thanks!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
A New Morning
Good morning, God, and thank you for a new day in our lives. I really do appreciate the time that you've given me, and the things that surround me that I can cherish and enjoy. Today may be a bit rainy, which will be good for the plants and flowers and trees; it will also keep me indoors for the most part--I love curling up on the couch on a rainy day.
I'm just five days from filling up a U-Haul with all our stuff in storage and moving it over to our new home. We won't follow the stuff for several weeks, but it will be nice to get it over there and not have to deal with it later. We're both hoping that this is our last move for a while, as neither of us ever had planned to do this much moving at all.
It really is perplexing to think of how things have gone over the last five years. When I started teaching high school instead of college, I thought that it would be a simple change. But after less than two years at my first school, I got laid off, along with twelve others. Why? Because we had advanced degrees, and we were more expensive than newer teachers would have been. So they fired us to get cheaper teachers. Pretty simple. Unfortunately, we had just bought a house in town, as we had planned to spend a lot of time there. So we lost the house to foreclosure and had to move into our RV. It wasn't a pleasant time for us, but we dealt with it.
Unfortunately, the only job I found (five months later) was four hours away from home, so we ended up having to pay two rents, and saw each other only on weekends. It wasn't a pleasant time, even though I did enjoy the students at the new school, which was on the Navajo reservation.
Unfortunately, there was virtually no opportunity for my wife to work on the reservation, so we decided to move somewhere where we might have been able to find more opportunity. That worked out for me, but not for her.
But you know all this, God. So why am I telling it to you? I guess to help to clarify, to help to understand how we've come to the point at which our RV is about to be repossessed and we feel the need to move again to try to find more opportunity. We've trusted you completely during every step of the last five years, and things have simply gone very poorly. Which of course brings up the question, was our trust misplaced? That's something that I have to come to terms with.
I'm just five days from filling up a U-Haul with all our stuff in storage and moving it over to our new home. We won't follow the stuff for several weeks, but it will be nice to get it over there and not have to deal with it later. We're both hoping that this is our last move for a while, as neither of us ever had planned to do this much moving at all.
It really is perplexing to think of how things have gone over the last five years. When I started teaching high school instead of college, I thought that it would be a simple change. But after less than two years at my first school, I got laid off, along with twelve others. Why? Because we had advanced degrees, and we were more expensive than newer teachers would have been. So they fired us to get cheaper teachers. Pretty simple. Unfortunately, we had just bought a house in town, as we had planned to spend a lot of time there. So we lost the house to foreclosure and had to move into our RV. It wasn't a pleasant time for us, but we dealt with it.
Unfortunately, the only job I found (five months later) was four hours away from home, so we ended up having to pay two rents, and saw each other only on weekends. It wasn't a pleasant time, even though I did enjoy the students at the new school, which was on the Navajo reservation.
Unfortunately, there was virtually no opportunity for my wife to work on the reservation, so we decided to move somewhere where we might have been able to find more opportunity. That worked out for me, but not for her.
But you know all this, God. So why am I telling it to you? I guess to help to clarify, to help to understand how we've come to the point at which our RV is about to be repossessed and we feel the need to move again to try to find more opportunity. We've trusted you completely during every step of the last five years, and things have simply gone very poorly. Which of course brings up the question, was our trust misplaced? That's something that I have to come to terms with.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Good Morning, God
Well, God, here we are in today. You and I and all the other people and animals and other beings with whom I share this planet. My frustration level is very high, but it's important that I not let that color the way that I approach this new day and all the potential gifts that it brings. Even though there seems to be very little going right with us at the moment, there is change in the air, which we hope will bring more potential and possibilities to our lives.
I suppose the biggest question that I have for you is why the people who are good, who do good and who give to the world, so rarely have things go very well for them. Is it because if things were going well they would get more complacent and not do the good things? Is it because there's more to learn from adversity than there is from things going well? It perplexes me to continue to see people who give and give and give still struggling, still feeling as if the world isn't willing to bring anything good their way. Perhaps this is just my projection of how things in the world go, and I'm feeling like I'm being swept under because of the way things are going in my own life, but I do think it's a valid question.
So what do you really want for us? Everything I read and hear says that you want abundance and peace for us, but is that just the preacher holding up a carrot with which to lead us on? Especially recently, I don't see too much abundance around me. And as a schoolteacher, I see even less of it these days among my colleagues as states continue to cut funding from schools, making many more people get by with much less. It's difficult to watch.
So should I try to find the abundance, or should I turn my back on that idea and simply serve others with no thought of recompense? I know that I could accomplish much, much more if I had a decent financial reserve to work from, but I have no financial reserve at all--I simply have debt, that has added up since the layoff a couple of years ago. In spite of all the work that I continue to do, I have fewer resources now than almost ever, and I simply don't understand that. Perhaps you could let me know how this works?
I suppose the biggest question that I have for you is why the people who are good, who do good and who give to the world, so rarely have things go very well for them. Is it because if things were going well they would get more complacent and not do the good things? Is it because there's more to learn from adversity than there is from things going well? It perplexes me to continue to see people who give and give and give still struggling, still feeling as if the world isn't willing to bring anything good their way. Perhaps this is just my projection of how things in the world go, and I'm feeling like I'm being swept under because of the way things are going in my own life, but I do think it's a valid question.
So what do you really want for us? Everything I read and hear says that you want abundance and peace for us, but is that just the preacher holding up a carrot with which to lead us on? Especially recently, I don't see too much abundance around me. And as a schoolteacher, I see even less of it these days among my colleagues as states continue to cut funding from schools, making many more people get by with much less. It's difficult to watch.
So should I try to find the abundance, or should I turn my back on that idea and simply serve others with no thought of recompense? I know that I could accomplish much, much more if I had a decent financial reserve to work from, but I have no financial reserve at all--I simply have debt, that has added up since the layoff a couple of years ago. In spite of all the work that I continue to do, I have fewer resources now than almost ever, and I simply don't understand that. Perhaps you could let me know how this works?
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Frustration
I get frustrated with life, God. Here I am, trying to do the best I can to give to others, to help others, to use my skills and talents for the benefit of other people, and what do I get for it? Well, three years ago, I got a layoff, and the resulting debt burden is weighing very, very heavily on my wife and me. I got laid off from a school where I was doing an exceptional job, doing tons of extra work, and giving all I had of myself, and all that I (and twelve others) got for our efforts was the letter saying we wouldn't be re-hired. The school district didn't have the money to keep us--they were going to hire brand-new teachers who were much cheaper than we were.
So here I am, still giving and still doing my best to help others, sinking not so slowly under the debt that came about because of that layoff and our ensuing move. My wife hasn't had full-time work for two years, and we just face new pressure after new pressure after new pressure--enough pressure so that we have to move again to a new area where my wife may be able to find work.
You made us a lot of promises, if the Bible's accurate. I don't want to be rich. I don't care about wealth. But this pressure that's over us constantly is getting to be very difficult to bear, and there doesn't seem to be anything that we can do about it. I get frustrated, I get annoyed, and I start to think that there's no hope. Every penny I earn is gone as soon as the paycheck arrives. It makes me feel like there's no real hope, because I really haven't seen any sort of light at the end of the tunnel. I do pray to you for the strength and wisdom to deal with the problem, but I haven't seen any answer to those prayers. I do try to stay positive, and I don't whine and complain about our finances, but here's a chance to ask you directly: what's up with all this?
It certainly makes me understand why people would turn to crime, where the return is much higher. It makes me understand why people stay away from or leave the teaching profession--there's very little return here. It makes me see why some people give up hope. I don't want to do any of these things, but where is the end of my rope? I don't know if I'm near it or not.
So these are my thoughts for now, God. I honestly don't know what to do or how to proceed. I keep trying to ask you for guidance, but I see and feel no reply at all. So just what do I do?
So here I am, still giving and still doing my best to help others, sinking not so slowly under the debt that came about because of that layoff and our ensuing move. My wife hasn't had full-time work for two years, and we just face new pressure after new pressure after new pressure--enough pressure so that we have to move again to a new area where my wife may be able to find work.
You made us a lot of promises, if the Bible's accurate. I don't want to be rich. I don't care about wealth. But this pressure that's over us constantly is getting to be very difficult to bear, and there doesn't seem to be anything that we can do about it. I get frustrated, I get annoyed, and I start to think that there's no hope. Every penny I earn is gone as soon as the paycheck arrives. It makes me feel like there's no real hope, because I really haven't seen any sort of light at the end of the tunnel. I do pray to you for the strength and wisdom to deal with the problem, but I haven't seen any answer to those prayers. I do try to stay positive, and I don't whine and complain about our finances, but here's a chance to ask you directly: what's up with all this?
It certainly makes me understand why people would turn to crime, where the return is much higher. It makes me understand why people stay away from or leave the teaching profession--there's very little return here. It makes me see why some people give up hope. I don't want to do any of these things, but where is the end of my rope? I don't know if I'm near it or not.
So these are my thoughts for now, God. I honestly don't know what to do or how to proceed. I keep trying to ask you for guidance, but I see and feel no reply at all. So just what do I do?
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