Good morning, God! I thank you for this new day, with all its promise and potential, all the good things that can happen, and yes, even all the not-so-good things that can help me to grow and to learn. I'm coming off of a sick day, a day spent at home instead of at school, and I do feel a bit refreshed and invigorated. I do feel more healthy than I felt yesterday, too, and I'm hoping that what I had has passed.
I've been reading a book that I've had for a while that's called "The Courage to Teach," and I'm impressed by much of what I find there. The author, Parker J. Palmer, actually has the nerve to talk about things like love when he talks about teaching. And not just in the sense that someone loves teaching, but in the sense that one of our most important elements of being a good and effective teacher, and that's something that I need to be reminded of regularly, because I forget it regularly. I'm not in a classroom for the paycheck or for the passing on of information--I'm there because I love the people whom I'm teaching (and who are teaching me important lessons about life, too).
Why is it that love--which should be our primary motivator in anything that we do--is so rarely recognized as such? Why do we view the word with suspicion? It's a tremendous gift that we have, this ability to love and to be loved, so why don't we view it as such and put it out there, making it transparent and obvious? Is it because we fear that our love will be trampled on and disrespected, and that we may not be able to love any more if it is? Do we fear that others will view our use of the word "love" with suspicion? I want love to be my primary motivational force, but I almost always relegate it to a secondary role.
Why is that?
A reply:
You've learned well, in many ways. You do understand already some of the reasons for which people are hesitant to share and spread their love. And perhaps that's one of the major aims of being alive in the first place--to learn how to share love clearly, fully, and without condition. You see the results of many people doing so--the Mother Teresas and the Leo Buscaglias, for example--and their examples are beautiful examples of people living up to their potential in life, and living fully and happily (even if their version of happiness doesn't match the versions of others).
One of the things the world needs more than anything else nowadays is to have more people be role models of unconditional love, more people who are willing to risk love and show love and live love. There aren't enough people out there doing that, and our young people have precious few role models. And when you do find someone who is living that way, then share their writings or their films or their art so that others can see that it is possible to focus on love and still get by, still make a living--to still thrive and experience abundance on this planet.
Take your love into your classroom. In your case, you need more reminders in the form of notes or signs, for you forget things very quickly and easily, and you get caught up in the day very quickly, losing you focus on things like love and focusing instead on things like how they're doing, and what they've gotten right and wrong, and who's improving and who isn't. Love them all, no matter what. It's the unconditional love that's going to turn a heart, and that's going to allow that young person to grow up and share unconditional love with others. Eventually.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Friday, January 11, 2013
Caught up in Tasks
Good morning, God--and thanks for this new day. I have another new day during which I get to enjoy all the benefits of this planet on which we find ourselves--the food and the shelter and the people and the beauty and the challenges and the rewards for having met challenges. I thank you for all that.
These days are kind of difficult for me, to be honest. I think that this time every year is a bit difficult, as I find myself trying to make sure that my students get everything they're supposed to get from me before they move on to their next classes. I feel a great sense of responsibility towards them, to make sure that they aren't missing anything that I should be giving them.
Sometimes, though, I find myself getting caught up so much in the little tasks involved with life and teaching that I forget some of the beauties of life. Sometimes I'm working so much on little things that end up taking hours that I forget (or neglect) to do the spiritual reading that I love to do; I forget to write in the journals that I keep; I neglect to encourage or help people. Sometimes I get so focused on doing the little things that the big things go right by me.
I'll give you a good example. Yesterday was a snow day, so we had a day off from school. The day before, I had noticed a problem on a website that needed to be fixed, so do you think that I spent the time on our snow day enjoying the day off and getting the most out of it? Or did I spend most of the day dealing with that problem? Of course, you know the answer to that question. I don't feel that I wasted the day, by any means, but I do find it difficult sometimes to redirect, to take my time with little problems like that instead of trying to get them all done right now.
On the other hand, there is value to taking care of problems when they come up, and not having them hang over my head, isn't there?
I suppose that what I'm asking you about right now is discernment, and the ability to choose wisely when I need to decide what I'm going to do and when I'm going to do it. Sometimes I even get so overwhelmed by the variety of choices available to me that I don't do anything at all. But that's another story, isn't it?
A reply:
Much of your problem stems from the fact that you've gone through so many trainings for things such as time management and organization that you feel that you should be better at choosing what you do and when you do it--the fact that you aren't better at it frustrates you, and you judge yourself harshly for not being able to put into practice all that you've learned.
Keep this in mind, though: I didn't create you to be a super-organized person. I created you to be who you are, and if you try to be something that you're not, there will be a lot of dissonance. Right now you're frustrated because some things overwhelm you, and you feel that they shouldn't. But the feeling of being overwhelmed is a valuable feeling to have, especially for a teacher--how can you possibly have compassion for how your students feel if you don't feel it yourself?
There is no way that a snow day should be spent. There are no rules as to what people should do and when. These are rules and needs that you create yourself. It's good that you feel the sense of responsibility that helps you to get things done--follow that need, for that is part of who you are. And don't worry so much about who you are not, and what you're not doing. Do what you're doing well, and remember that when tomorrow dawns, that other task will still be waiting for you. Use what you can from what you've learned (lists work well for you, it seems), and do the best you can--and do it with love. That's all I ever ask.
These days are kind of difficult for me, to be honest. I think that this time every year is a bit difficult, as I find myself trying to make sure that my students get everything they're supposed to get from me before they move on to their next classes. I feel a great sense of responsibility towards them, to make sure that they aren't missing anything that I should be giving them.
Sometimes, though, I find myself getting caught up so much in the little tasks involved with life and teaching that I forget some of the beauties of life. Sometimes I'm working so much on little things that end up taking hours that I forget (or neglect) to do the spiritual reading that I love to do; I forget to write in the journals that I keep; I neglect to encourage or help people. Sometimes I get so focused on doing the little things that the big things go right by me.
I'll give you a good example. Yesterday was a snow day, so we had a day off from school. The day before, I had noticed a problem on a website that needed to be fixed, so do you think that I spent the time on our snow day enjoying the day off and getting the most out of it? Or did I spend most of the day dealing with that problem? Of course, you know the answer to that question. I don't feel that I wasted the day, by any means, but I do find it difficult sometimes to redirect, to take my time with little problems like that instead of trying to get them all done right now.
On the other hand, there is value to taking care of problems when they come up, and not having them hang over my head, isn't there?
I suppose that what I'm asking you about right now is discernment, and the ability to choose wisely when I need to decide what I'm going to do and when I'm going to do it. Sometimes I even get so overwhelmed by the variety of choices available to me that I don't do anything at all. But that's another story, isn't it?
A reply:
Much of your problem stems from the fact that you've gone through so many trainings for things such as time management and organization that you feel that you should be better at choosing what you do and when you do it--the fact that you aren't better at it frustrates you, and you judge yourself harshly for not being able to put into practice all that you've learned.
Keep this in mind, though: I didn't create you to be a super-organized person. I created you to be who you are, and if you try to be something that you're not, there will be a lot of dissonance. Right now you're frustrated because some things overwhelm you, and you feel that they shouldn't. But the feeling of being overwhelmed is a valuable feeling to have, especially for a teacher--how can you possibly have compassion for how your students feel if you don't feel it yourself?
There is no way that a snow day should be spent. There are no rules as to what people should do and when. These are rules and needs that you create yourself. It's good that you feel the sense of responsibility that helps you to get things done--follow that need, for that is part of who you are. And don't worry so much about who you are not, and what you're not doing. Do what you're doing well, and remember that when tomorrow dawns, that other task will still be waiting for you. Use what you can from what you've learned (lists work well for you, it seems), and do the best you can--and do it with love. That's all I ever ask.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
A New Day
Good morning, God--
I guess this morning I don't have much to ask or to talk about. I just want to use this entry as an opportunity to center myself a bit, to get a strong sense of focus before I head to school so that I can do the best that I can while I'm there and hopefully help the students with whom I work. I know that I'm an important part of their lives no matter what, even if they don't necessarily see me that way, and it's important that I take that role seriously if I'm to have any positive effects at all.
There are so many frustrations, though. I work with kids who don't believe in themselves or their futures, kids who have no desire to learn because they don't see any reason to do so. It gets hard to be in the classroom because we cover the information that we're supposed to cover, but they honestly make little effort to learn the material--they just want to pass over it and move on to the next thing, whether they actually know the last thing or not.
But my frustrations are my frustrations, and I should not take them out on the students. That's simply not fair. So I keep doing what I'm doing, and I do my best to help them to learn material that they really do need to know. And they will do what they do, and hopefully, eventually they'll see that there is some importance to what we do, some importance to knowing the material that we're covering. Because if they never realize this, how is the time they spend in the classroom with me ever going to help them at all?
I guess this morning I don't have much to ask or to talk about. I just want to use this entry as an opportunity to center myself a bit, to get a strong sense of focus before I head to school so that I can do the best that I can while I'm there and hopefully help the students with whom I work. I know that I'm an important part of their lives no matter what, even if they don't necessarily see me that way, and it's important that I take that role seriously if I'm to have any positive effects at all.
There are so many frustrations, though. I work with kids who don't believe in themselves or their futures, kids who have no desire to learn because they don't see any reason to do so. It gets hard to be in the classroom because we cover the information that we're supposed to cover, but they honestly make little effort to learn the material--they just want to pass over it and move on to the next thing, whether they actually know the last thing or not.
But my frustrations are my frustrations, and I should not take them out on the students. That's simply not fair. So I keep doing what I'm doing, and I do my best to help them to learn material that they really do need to know. And they will do what they do, and hopefully, eventually they'll see that there is some importance to what we do, some importance to knowing the material that we're covering. Because if they never realize this, how is the time they spend in the classroom with me ever going to help them at all?
Monday, January 7, 2013
Holding on to Junk
Good morning, God. I have to say that I'm astonished that we're finishing the first week of the year today--it doesn't seem possible that so much time has gone by. Whether it seems so or not, though, here we are--the seventh day of January. And I thank you for getting me this far into the year so far, and this far into my life.
Right now I'm dealing with an unpleasant issue in my life. When I interviewed for my job here, I made it very clear that I was interested in one particular aspect of the job--coaching--an extra that most schools are ecstatic to have people interested in. During the second week in the school year, a position came open and I immediately applied for it. Unfortunately, four months have gone by since that application, with no action taken on it at all. Last week I withdrew the application, as there will be no way to properly prepare for the job in the limited amount of time that remains before it begins.
What I'm holding onto these days is resentment and anger. If I had been told that I wouldn't have any real opportunities for coaching my entire first year here, I most definitely would not have taken this job. If I had been told that an application would sit around for four months without any action being taken on it at all, I would not have taken this job. So now here I am, having accepted a position that turns out to be much more negative than I ever would have dreamed. I've started to feel that I made a huge mistake when I accepted the job.
And I need to let go of the resentment and anger. I need to let go of the frustration. I still have too many other responsibilities to allow those feelings to interfere, to change me and the ways that I treat others. I don't want to be fixated on it any longer, though in my life, staying focused on things like this always has been something that I've had difficulties with. Any suggestions?
A reply:
This is very difficult for you, I know that. And just so that you're fully aware, no, I didn't plan it in order to teach you a very valuable lesson. I can make good of it, but it is a result of other people's actions, not of my will.
You are where you are. Your reasons for accepting the job you have are irrelevant right now, though you are using them to justify your anger and your frustration. And that's understandable--not helpful or healthy, but definitely understandable. Because you are where you are, your focus should be on doing all you can for the people you're with, something that you recognize and acknowledge already. That said, it's important that you are successful in working your way past the feelings that you have now, for those feelings are holding your down and back, keeping you from seeing all the brightness in your life right now.
Shift your focus. Try to stay focused on the things that you like. Yes, coaching is very important to you, and yes, you were looking forward to this opportunity. I don't think you've made a mistake in withdrawing your application, if for nothing else than to point out the complete disregard with which the people who should have done the hiring weeks or months ago have shown the applicants. Sometimes something like pulling yourself out of consideration--and you're a very highly qualified candidate--sends a very important message to other people in the process who need to know that others aren't living up to their responsibilities. And the amount of frustration that you would feel taking on a task that needs much more preparation than a few weeks would allow would be just as bad as the frustration that you feel now, I fear, so it could be better to get these feelings out of the way as quickly as you can.
Of course, these are feelings we're talking about. They aren't necessary controllable; when you choose to shift your focus to other things, your mind will want to drag you back to these feelings. All you can do in that case is recognize what's happening, acknowledge and accept the feelings that you have, and then make every effort to shift your focus back to where it's going to be more positive for you. Feelings are powerful, but you are the one who gives power to them. It's not good to ignore them, but it's also not good to allow them to determine whether your day is a positive one or a negative one, whether you show love or frustration to others.
It's not easy. But it is up to you. Your feelings may be justified--frustration and anger very often are--but that doesn't make them helpful. Try to find the feelings that are helpful, and allow them to be a positive force in your life.
Right now I'm dealing with an unpleasant issue in my life. When I interviewed for my job here, I made it very clear that I was interested in one particular aspect of the job--coaching--an extra that most schools are ecstatic to have people interested in. During the second week in the school year, a position came open and I immediately applied for it. Unfortunately, four months have gone by since that application, with no action taken on it at all. Last week I withdrew the application, as there will be no way to properly prepare for the job in the limited amount of time that remains before it begins.
What I'm holding onto these days is resentment and anger. If I had been told that I wouldn't have any real opportunities for coaching my entire first year here, I most definitely would not have taken this job. If I had been told that an application would sit around for four months without any action being taken on it at all, I would not have taken this job. So now here I am, having accepted a position that turns out to be much more negative than I ever would have dreamed. I've started to feel that I made a huge mistake when I accepted the job.
And I need to let go of the resentment and anger. I need to let go of the frustration. I still have too many other responsibilities to allow those feelings to interfere, to change me and the ways that I treat others. I don't want to be fixated on it any longer, though in my life, staying focused on things like this always has been something that I've had difficulties with. Any suggestions?
A reply:
This is very difficult for you, I know that. And just so that you're fully aware, no, I didn't plan it in order to teach you a very valuable lesson. I can make good of it, but it is a result of other people's actions, not of my will.
You are where you are. Your reasons for accepting the job you have are irrelevant right now, though you are using them to justify your anger and your frustration. And that's understandable--not helpful or healthy, but definitely understandable. Because you are where you are, your focus should be on doing all you can for the people you're with, something that you recognize and acknowledge already. That said, it's important that you are successful in working your way past the feelings that you have now, for those feelings are holding your down and back, keeping you from seeing all the brightness in your life right now.
Shift your focus. Try to stay focused on the things that you like. Yes, coaching is very important to you, and yes, you were looking forward to this opportunity. I don't think you've made a mistake in withdrawing your application, if for nothing else than to point out the complete disregard with which the people who should have done the hiring weeks or months ago have shown the applicants. Sometimes something like pulling yourself out of consideration--and you're a very highly qualified candidate--sends a very important message to other people in the process who need to know that others aren't living up to their responsibilities. And the amount of frustration that you would feel taking on a task that needs much more preparation than a few weeks would allow would be just as bad as the frustration that you feel now, I fear, so it could be better to get these feelings out of the way as quickly as you can.
Of course, these are feelings we're talking about. They aren't necessary controllable; when you choose to shift your focus to other things, your mind will want to drag you back to these feelings. All you can do in that case is recognize what's happening, acknowledge and accept the feelings that you have, and then make every effort to shift your focus back to where it's going to be more positive for you. Feelings are powerful, but you are the one who gives power to them. It's not good to ignore them, but it's also not good to allow them to determine whether your day is a positive one or a negative one, whether you show love or frustration to others.
It's not easy. But it is up to you. Your feelings may be justified--frustration and anger very often are--but that doesn't make them helpful. Try to find the feelings that are helpful, and allow them to be a positive force in your life.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Christmas thoughts
Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in my life. It's a beautiful day so far, one that promises to be peaceful and relaxing. It's a nice kind of day to look forward to during this season of peace and hope and love, and this season of introspection and reverence.
Because it is Christmas, I like to think Christmas thoughts--I like to think about people caring for one another, people sharing what they have, people thinking about others and what they may want as gifts. I like to think about what life would be like if we had the same thoughts about others the entire year long, and if we were to think more about the people in our lives than we think about ourselves. What would the world be like if we considered the well-being of our fellow human beings before we thought about our own?
I know it's kind of a pipe dream, but it is a fascinating concept, isn't it? I know that the chances of such a thing happening in my lifetime--if it ever does happen with humans--is slim to none. But I also often wonder what I could do to help bring about such a state of affairs--if I can do anything at all. It would be nice to contribute to the positive side of the world, but can I do so? And if so, how?
This is only a short note, as I'm not really in the writing mood at the moment, but I do want to say thank you for this beautiful season, and thanks for all that I have--and thank you for a glimpse of how things could be if we were to keep Christmas in our hearts all year long, focusing on others and their needs rather than on ourselves and our own needs. I do appreciate this holiday season, and I love it very much.
Because it is Christmas, I like to think Christmas thoughts--I like to think about people caring for one another, people sharing what they have, people thinking about others and what they may want as gifts. I like to think about what life would be like if we had the same thoughts about others the entire year long, and if we were to think more about the people in our lives than we think about ourselves. What would the world be like if we considered the well-being of our fellow human beings before we thought about our own?
I know it's kind of a pipe dream, but it is a fascinating concept, isn't it? I know that the chances of such a thing happening in my lifetime--if it ever does happen with humans--is slim to none. But I also often wonder what I could do to help bring about such a state of affairs--if I can do anything at all. It would be nice to contribute to the positive side of the world, but can I do so? And if so, how?
This is only a short note, as I'm not really in the writing mood at the moment, but I do want to say thank you for this beautiful season, and thanks for all that I have--and thank you for a glimpse of how things could be if we were to keep Christmas in our hearts all year long, focusing on others and their needs rather than on ourselves and our own needs. I do appreciate this holiday season, and I love it very much.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Not caring
Good morning, God. Thanks for this new day--I hope that I'm able to make it a positive one in many ways, but we'll see what happens! I know that I have many opportunities in the coming hours to make something special of the day, but things don't always go as planned, or as hoped.
Yesterday was very frustrating at school. There are those days when some students are too much, when their lack of caring and their lack of effort just becomes overwhelming. It gets very frustrating being in a classroom with students who just don't want to work. I understand much more why teachers burn out so quickly and so badly--we face students who give no effort, and then we're blamed for the fact that they don't learn. It's pretty sad. And I understand that there are many factors that contribute to their problems, and I do sympathize with them, but I can't fix their lives. I see them only in the classroom, and I have to deal with them on that level.
I don't think I'm asking for an answer today. I'm just kind of venting.
Yesterday was very frustrating at school. There are those days when some students are too much, when their lack of caring and their lack of effort just becomes overwhelming. It gets very frustrating being in a classroom with students who just don't want to work. I understand much more why teachers burn out so quickly and so badly--we face students who give no effort, and then we're blamed for the fact that they don't learn. It's pretty sad. And I understand that there are many factors that contribute to their problems, and I do sympathize with them, but I can't fix their lives. I see them only in the classroom, and I have to deal with them on that level.
I don't think I'm asking for an answer today. I'm just kind of venting.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Checking In
Good morning, God--
It's been a while since I've talked to you here, though we have talked in other contexts, in other ways. Things are getting busy again, with a lot of time and energy focused in one particular direction over the last couple of weeks. Fortunately, the time and energy spent is having positive results, so the time hasn't been wasted. I just hope that the results continue to be good, and continue to improve.
The school experience seems to have dropped into a valley. The students that I work with are great kids, but few of them seem to want to excel. Few of them seem to want to accomplish more than doing the bare minimum and then moving on to the next thing. It's a sad thing to watch, to be honest. The lack of drive in young people who have so much potential is painful to watch. And it's even more painful to be trying to motivate them to excel, only to have them turn a deaf ear to my efforts. Perhaps I'm not the person to be motivating them--perhaps there's someone out there to whom they would respond better. I don't know.
I do understand better now why teachers have so many problems with students. It's easily the most frustrating--and fulfilling--work that I've done. There are many times when I just want to turn around and walk out, but I know that that would be wrong, and would accomplish nothing but getting a lot of stress out of my life. But my life right now has become a constant series of reflections on how to get kids to respond, to be interested in what we're doing.
I guess that you understand this frustration quite well. You must feel it a lot with us.
A reply.
Yes, I do.
It's been a while since I've talked to you here, though we have talked in other contexts, in other ways. Things are getting busy again, with a lot of time and energy focused in one particular direction over the last couple of weeks. Fortunately, the time and energy spent is having positive results, so the time hasn't been wasted. I just hope that the results continue to be good, and continue to improve.
The school experience seems to have dropped into a valley. The students that I work with are great kids, but few of them seem to want to excel. Few of them seem to want to accomplish more than doing the bare minimum and then moving on to the next thing. It's a sad thing to watch, to be honest. The lack of drive in young people who have so much potential is painful to watch. And it's even more painful to be trying to motivate them to excel, only to have them turn a deaf ear to my efforts. Perhaps I'm not the person to be motivating them--perhaps there's someone out there to whom they would respond better. I don't know.
I do understand better now why teachers have so many problems with students. It's easily the most frustrating--and fulfilling--work that I've done. There are many times when I just want to turn around and walk out, but I know that that would be wrong, and would accomplish nothing but getting a lot of stress out of my life. But my life right now has become a constant series of reflections on how to get kids to respond, to be interested in what we're doing.
I guess that you understand this frustration quite well. You must feel it a lot with us.
A reply.
Yes, I do.
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