Holding on to Junk

Good morning, God.  I have to say that I'm astonished that we're finishing the first week of the year today--it doesn't seem possible that so much time has gone by.  Whether it seems so or not, though, here we are--the seventh day of January.  And I thank you for getting me this far into the year so far, and this far into my life.

Right now I'm dealing with an unpleasant issue in my life.  When I interviewed for my job here, I made it very clear that I was interested in one particular aspect of the job--coaching--an extra that most schools are ecstatic to have people interested in.  During the second week in the school year, a position came open and I immediately applied for it.  Unfortunately, four months have gone by since that application, with no action taken on it at all.  Last week I withdrew the application, as there will be no way to properly prepare for the job in the limited amount of time that remains before it begins.

What I'm holding onto these days is resentment and anger.  If I had been told that I wouldn't have any real opportunities for coaching my entire first year here, I most definitely would not have taken this job.  If I had been told that an application would sit around for four months without any action being taken on it at all, I would not have taken this job.  So  now here I am, having accepted a position that turns out to be much more negative than I ever would have dreamed.  I've started to feel that I made a huge mistake when I accepted the job.

And I need to let go of the resentment and anger.  I need to let go of the frustration.  I still have too many other responsibilities to allow those feelings to interfere, to change me and the ways that I treat others.  I don't want to be fixated on it any longer, though in my life, staying focused on things like this always has been something that I've had difficulties with.  Any suggestions?

A reply:

This is very difficult for you, I know that.  And just so that you're fully aware, no, I didn't plan it in order to teach you a very valuable lesson.  I can make good of it, but it is a result of other people's actions, not of my will.

You are where you are.  Your reasons for accepting the job you have are irrelevant right now, though you are using them to justify your anger and your frustration.  And that's understandable--not helpful or healthy, but definitely understandable.  Because you are where you are, your focus should be on doing all you can for the people you're with, something that you recognize and acknowledge already.  That said, it's important that you are successful in working your way past the feelings that you have now, for those feelings are holding your down and back, keeping you from seeing all the brightness in your life right now.

Shift your focus.  Try to stay focused on the things that you like.  Yes, coaching is very important to you, and yes, you were looking forward to this opportunity.  I don't think you've made a mistake in withdrawing your application, if for nothing else than to point out the complete disregard with which the people who should have done the hiring weeks or months ago have shown the applicants.  Sometimes something like pulling yourself out of consideration--and you're a very highly qualified candidate--sends a very important message to other people in the process who need to know that others aren't living up to their responsibilities.  And the amount of frustration that you would feel taking on a task that needs much more preparation than a few weeks would allow would be just as bad as the frustration that you feel now, I fear, so it could be better to get these feelings out of the way as quickly as you can.

Of course, these are feelings we're talking about.  They aren't necessary controllable; when you choose to shift your focus to other things, your mind will want to drag you back to these feelings.  All you can do in that case is recognize what's happening, acknowledge and accept the feelings that you have, and then make every effort to shift your focus back to where it's going to be more positive for you.  Feelings are powerful, but you are the one who gives power to them.  It's not good to ignore them, but it's also not good to allow them to determine whether your day is a positive one or a negative one, whether you show love or frustration to others.

It's not easy.  But it is up to you.  Your feelings may be justified--frustration and anger very often are--but that doesn't make them helpful.  Try to find the feelings that are helpful, and allow them to be a positive force in your life.