Caught up in Tasks

Good morning, God--and thanks for this new day.  I have another new day during which I get to enjoy all the benefits of this planet on which we find ourselves--the food and the shelter and the people and the beauty and the challenges and the rewards for having met challenges.  I thank you for all that.

These days are kind of difficult for me, to be honest.  I think that this time every year is a bit difficult, as I find myself trying to make sure that my students get everything they're supposed to get from me before they move on to their next classes.  I feel a great sense of responsibility towards them, to make sure that they aren't missing anything that I should be giving them.

Sometimes, though, I find myself getting caught up so much in the little tasks involved with life and teaching that I forget some of the beauties of life.  Sometimes I'm working so much on little things that end up taking hours that I forget (or neglect) to do the spiritual reading that I love to do; I forget to write in the journals that I keep; I neglect to encourage or help people.  Sometimes I get so focused on doing the little things that the big things go right by me.

I'll give you a good example.  Yesterday was a snow day, so we had a day off from school.  The day before, I had noticed a problem on a website that needed to be fixed, so do you think that I spent the time on our snow day enjoying the day off and getting the most out of it?  Or did I spend most of the day dealing with that problem?  Of course, you know the answer to that question.  I don't feel that I wasted the day, by any means, but I do find it difficult sometimes to redirect, to take my time with little problems like that instead of trying to get them all done right now.

On the other hand, there is value to taking care of problems when they come up, and not having them hang over my head, isn't there?

I suppose that what I'm asking you about right now is discernment, and the ability to choose wisely when I need to decide what I'm going to do and when I'm going to do it.  Sometimes I even get so overwhelmed by the variety of choices available to me that I don't do anything at all.  But that's another story, isn't it?

A reply:

Much of your problem stems from the fact that you've gone through so many trainings for things such as time management and organization that you feel that you should be better at choosing what you do and when you do it--the fact that you aren't better at it frustrates you, and you judge yourself harshly for not being able to put into practice all that you've learned.

Keep this in mind, though:  I didn't create you to be a super-organized person.  I created you to be who you are, and if you try to be something that you're not, there will be a lot of dissonance.  Right now you're frustrated because some things overwhelm you, and you feel that they shouldn't.  But the feeling of being overwhelmed is a valuable feeling to have, especially for a teacher--how can you possibly have compassion for how your students feel if you don't feel it yourself?

There is no way that a snow day should be spent.  There are no rules as to what people should do and when.  These are rules and needs that you create yourself.  It's good that you feel the sense of responsibility that helps you to get things done--follow that need, for that is part of who you are.  And don't worry so much about who you are not, and what you're not doing.  Do what you're doing well, and remember that when tomorrow dawns, that other task will still be waiting for you.  Use what you can from what you've learned (lists work well for you, it seems), and do the best you can--and do it with love.  That's all I ever ask.