Dealing

Hello, God, and thank you for being here.  Thank you for all that I have today, from the food and the shelter to the computer and the books to read.  I do appreciate it all, and I hope that somehow, in some way, I'm expressing that appreciation effectively.

I have a couple of questions to ask of you today.  Life has been very challenging for my wife and me over the last few years, and it's difficult sometimes not to get caught up in the negative aspects of all that's happened to us, all that's gone wrong.  It started with a layoff three years ago, and we're still going through the negative effects of that, as a phone call two nights ago demonstrated.  In the midst of the struggles, though, we're doing our best to make  the most of what we have, and not to spend time worrying and complaining.  But what happens to me very often is that I do get caught up in the worrying, and I do spend time fixated on the problems, which ends up being time lost.  I know that I have to admit that the problems are there, and I have to face them, but how can I keep from letting them take me over, from allowing them to change my mood, from having them change the way I act?

We aren't going to die because of these problems, obviously, but they are sometimes almost overwhelming, and I know that with all the goodness in the world, I shouldn't be overwhelmed by the bad.

An answer:

I think that you've kind of answered your own question here, as so many people are able to do once they start talking to me.  You have a choice as to what overwhelms you--the good or the bad, the evil or the pure, the stressful or the relaxing.  Things do pile up, and they do get to be difficult, but their importance is a matter of your choice.  It is very important to pay bills and fulfill responsibilities, but you can only do so to the best of your abilities.  Once you've done that--and truly have done so to the best of your abilities--then it's time to focus your attention on other things.  When someone tries to bring your attention back to the problem, then say simply, "I've truly done everything I can at this moment about that situation, and no amount of talking or explaining is going to allow me to do more."  Then end that conversation.

I've also provided you many, many resources that can help you through difficult times.  Do you remember when you were in graduate school, doing two degrees simultaneously?  (Good job, by the way--two M.A.'s in two years, with only one "B"?  Extraordinary, and not a single person on the planet has told you that yet.  But that's okay--you know it and I know it.)  What did you use then?  Each afternoon you were able to watch Animaniacs and Tiny Toon Adventures, and you were able to laugh.  A lot.  Those were great resources for you, for the laughter helped you to cope with the stress and even the depression you were going through then.  And even more than that, you had something to focus on for an hour each day that wasn't your school work.

You do have many more such resources available to you now.  Instead of focusing on the problem--except in those moments when you're working on solving it--focus on something else, such as a project you're doing, work that needs to be done, a funny or suspenseful show.  Don't use such things to avoid facing problems, but allow them to keep your mind focused on the positive things.

This is more important than you'll know, and I'll end with the reason:  Your mind helps to create your reality.  If you fixate on problems, you invite more problems into your life.  If you fixate on pleasant and fun things, you invite more pleasure and fun into your life.  This is a simple rule of life that many people have shared with you in many ways, and it's important that you live according to this rule, and stop inviting the negative things into your life.  In many ways, it really is up to you.  All of it.