Other people

Good morning, God, and thank you much for this new day.  As I write, it's dark and cold outside, but here in the house we have heat and light to keep us comfortable and allow us to be up so early on such a day.  I do want to thank you for the things that allow us to live our lives in comfort and relative ease--had we been born into a time period in the past, we would have experienced life with very few of these things.

Today I'd like to ask you about the role of other people in our lives.  This perplexes me, because no matter how hard I try to be positive, no matter how hard I try to accomplish things and contribute to organizations and groups, someone always seems to sabotage my efforts, in any of a multitude of ways.  It's important, I know, to go into life with a good attitude and to do our best at all we do, but it's very hard to do this when there are so many people who seem to be doing their best to bring other people down.  We seem to be at the mercy of other people's whims, other people's likes and dislikes, other people's moods.

And when these other people are in positions of influence over us--bosses, supervisors, teachers, parents--they can really make our situations difficult.  Even if they're on the same level we are--colleagues, fellow students, friends, acquaintances--they can make things difficult for us, too.

Of course, there are those people who try to lift up, encourage, strengthen, and brighten.  They seem to be rather few and far between, though.  I think that I would like to be this kind of person, but I'm not sure I have it in me to be.  I try, but I don't think that I succeed all that often.  And I don't want to be one of those people who are "false enthusiastic," who say how wonderful something is even when it's not wonderful.  Honesty is too important to me for that.

So why, God, are others so important in the ways our lives go?  Is it possible to live without giving them too much importance, even if they're our bosses and they can have a strong influence on things like our livelihoods?

A reply:

There are people who want to bring you down, either to their level or lower.  They think that doing so makes them feel better about themselves, but it really doesn't.  Even after they put you down, they still fear you and they still feel fear about their own weak self-esteem.  The problem with this becomes exacerbated when they are given some form of control over other people, such as when they're promoted to a position of authority and they can do things like assign hours, hire and fire, or give performance reviews.  They tend to use these things not to be accurate or honest, but to fulfill their own needs for building their sense of self, for making themselves feel better by "taking care of" anyone who seems to present a threat to their authority.

You live in a time when things are getting worse, too.  Think for a moment of what it would mean for a subordinate to tell his or her boss "I disagree with that."  Now, there are many bosses out there who are able to deal with disagreements just fine, but they're not in the majority.  Most bosses will see this disagreement as a threat to their authority, and they think that it's necessary for them to "do something about" this threat.  And you know the results of this.  As life gets more fragmented and more people spend more time with their technology than with other human beings, the feeling of being threatened by others is going to become even more common.  The defensiveness that comes with the feeling of being threatened will increase.  And given the lack of human interaction, people will have learned fewer strategies for resolving conflict, and will more often resort to the exercising of their "power" over others--e.g., firing or writing people up--in order to deal with their own insecurities.

The bottom line is that it truly is important that you keep working on not letting other people's actions affect you as strongly as they might.  Of course, it's impossible to not let them affect you at all, especially when it affects your paycheck or your job or your personal relationships, but you can minimize the effects a great deal by keeping in mind the fact that you are doing your best to be open and honest, and a bad reaction shows much, much more about the person reacting than it does about the person who has spoken the truth as he or she knows it.

Hang in there.  Things may not get better, but you will get stronger.  People are people, and while they are wonderful overall, there's much about them that can be annoying and even harmful to others.  Learning to deal with them is one of the most important lessons in life.

Waiting for Change

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in my life.  We have about six inches of snow outside, and it looks like we've turned the corner from the warmish part of autumn into the second part, which will lead into winter.  It's beautiful outside, and I thank you very much for something as pretty as snow.

Classes are going pretty well, though they are almost over--we have just five weeks left of class, which is kind of a surprise, kind of normal.  Time seems to go very quickly during a college semester.  In any case, I thank you for the classes and for the time that I've been able to spend with the students--it's been very valuable to me.

I titled this "Waiting for Change" because I feel that there's a huge need for change in my life, especially in the area of work.  I know that what I'm doing now isn't sustainable financially, and I need to find something else that will pay the bills more reliably.  I say "waiting" even though I know that I need to actively pursue change--it doesn't just sneak up on me and happen one day.  The problem is, though, that things could go in any of several directions, and I'm not sure which direction is right for me at this point in my life.  Should I focus on my writing?  On online classes?  On teaching at the university?  There are so many possibilities, yet I'm not sure which one would be the most effective or the most reliable or the most beneficial.  Help!

A reply:

You find yourself at what many people would call a crossroads.  You have several different paths that are open to you, but no knowledge at all of what lies down any of the particular roads.  I'm surprised that you didn't mention the fear--this type of situation almost always brings about fear.

Me:

May be the fear's too strong, too prevalent for me to even notice it for what it is.  Or perhaps my faith is finally growing strong enough that I don't fear such situations any longer?

A reply:

Both of those are possible, of course.  But that would be a discussion for a different time, when our focus is on something else.  You're concerned about these different paths that you may take.  And not so much with the paths themselves, but with the results that the paths create in your life.  If you choose writing, for example, and you're not able to earn enough money from it, then you'll have major financial problems.  If you choose the university and you're not able to get enough classes, then you'll have the same problem.  It's fascinating--and rather dismaying--that your major concern when considering the paths you should take in your life is money.

And it doesn't dismay me as a result of what you're doing or thinking.  It dismays me in the sense that you live in a society that doesn't value helping people to reach their potential and follow their gifts--you live in a society that has come to worship money and profit, and that has made it very difficult for people to follow paths that contribute to the financial side of the world in indirect ways.  You're a teacher--your contribution to your society's economy is extremely vital to that economy, yet because no one sees any short-term profit from your work, you're marginalized financially through weak financial rewards for your work.

But you're aware of that.  Now you stand at a crossroads that demands a decision from you--either you move wholeheartedly in one direction and give it your all, or you take a few hesitant steps in two or three of the directions, hoping for some sort of sign that you're on the right road.  I think that you know from reading that sentence which is going to be--in the long run--the most beneficial choice for you to make.  Now you need to look in your heart and spirit and decide what you have a passion for, what makes you feel best about yourself and all that you do.  Will it be the short steps and no commitment to a direction, or will it be full commitment, come hell or high water?  (Sorry, but some cliches I allow myself because they're so expressive!)

You can wait for change if you'd like.  Or you can be the agent of change and make the changes that you know are best for you and yours.  Your faith is growing, and I would encourage you to make your faith an important part of your decision-making process.  You'll do fine, whatever direction you choose.  You just want the direction that will help you to grow and prosper in the ways that you're supposed to.

Restructuring

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in my life.  It's cold here now, and it looks like winter is on its way!  I thank you for the changing seasons, for the way that the world goes through cycles that help us to remember that life isn't always one way and that things don't always go consistently--that we don't have to worry if some sort of change is occurring in our lives, because change is the nature of life.

Right now, I feel changes coming on.  I feel that my teaching days are coming to an end, and though it isn't something that I've planned on or pursued, it's not something that dismays me.  I want to switch to working on my writing, but the financial risk is going to be pretty difficult to handle if I do so.  Also, it's kind of hard for me to pursue writing if I waste so much of my time in unproductive ways, which happens every now and then.  I would really love to make a living as a writer, and I would appreciate any guidance that you have to offer me in pursuing such a dream.

A reply:

You almost didn't write "dream."  Why not?

My reply:

Because in my experience, my dreams don't come true.

Another reply:

And hasn't this been the reason for which you haven't pursued writing in the past?  Because you think that to make money as a writer would be something of a dream come true, and you doubt that that can happen to you?  If that's the case, then join the club--many, many people limit themselves and their own opportunities in just the same way.

Do you have talent as a writer?  Absolutely.  Can you win a Pulitzer Prize?  Who knows?  One never knows where one's writing may lead to when one devotes oneself to it completely.  Your fear right now is that if you devote yourself completely to your writing, you and your wife will not be able to "make it" financially.  Your needs and desires are simple, of course, and neither of you are extravagant spenders, but you feel the need for some sort of assurance that you won't go under and lose everything if you try to make your living as a writer.

That's assurance that I cannot give you.  I am here to support you and to guide you, but what if your most important piece of writing in the future results from the difficulties that you encounter when you devote yourself to the craft?  What if your relationship with your wife, rather than being weakened by struggles, is strengthened by struggles?  What if your major contribution to the world comes out of your struggles rather than from your comfort?

Think about it.  How many of the most important works in the world have come from people who were living in comfort?  Many of them have, of course, but most of them have not.  Look at a list of truly important works and see just how many of their authors went though significant trials.

Now your counterpoint would be very valid:  you've already gone through more struggles than most people ever do.  That's true, to a certain extent.  Perhaps if you dedicate yourself to the writing, your past struggles will provide you with the material you need to succeed.  Perhaps the struggles you've already gone through will be enough for your work to be truly meaningful.

But remember this:  Much of the success in life comes as a result of risk.  If I guarantee you that you will face no trials if you shift gears and move in a different direction in life, what risk is there?

You will always have my love and my support, and I will not let you fall.  But I cannot promise a life without problems or trials.  What would life be life if I did?  I do have every confidence in you, for I know the talents that I gave you.  Please use them for all that they're worth, and make your decisions based on your heart and your faith.  I'll be with you, no matter where your road leads you.

Do dreams come true?  Of course they do.  Do dreams come true without someone taking a risk to help them come true?  That's another question.

This new day's gifts

Hello, God, and thank you very much for this new day in our lives--I really do appreciate it.  I have a beautiful autumn day ahead of me, and I promise that I'll try to do all I can to make it positive and joyful.  Of course, all the golden leaves on the trees and today's blue skies and cool temperatures will help a lot, and I than you for those things, too.

Sometimes it really is fascinating to slow down and to think of all the beautiful things that surround me every day.  All the time.  I'm surrounded by amazing things every minute of the day, yet somehow I get caught up in my life and its issues, and I stop seeing just how fantastic this world really is.  Is that what it means to become jaded?  To stop seeing the miraculous in the "ordinary"?  To stop appreciating the beautiful and the sublime?  If that's the case, then I don't want to be jaded--I want to keep my appreciation and my awareness of the beauty and magic of the things around me.

One of the things that I pray for is a constant awareness of the good things in life, as opposed to a constant focus on the bad things.  I do need to be aware of the bad things, to know what they are and how to deal with them, but I can't let myself stay focused on them.  I believe that a focus on them will attract more of the same to me, and it would also be a shame to know that I've been given so many great gifts that I don't enjoy because of the very few real problems that I choose to make the major part of my focus.

I don't want to be one of those people who get fifteen wonderful gifts for their birthday, yet spend the day moping because of the one thing they wanted but didn't get.  I want to fully enjoy my fifteen gifts.  So thank you very, very much for all of the gifts of today.

A response:

You're welcome.

In a way, I want to stop there.  But I know that you appreciate my answers and that you really do think about them, so I'll say a little bit more.  I like your focus here.  It makes sense.  And it also will help you all through life, for when you foster appreciation for the things that you have, your life will be filled with more of the positive things.  And you'll also feel better when you appreciate your gifts--you'll feel stronger when difficult things arise, for you'll know that the difficult things are far outweighed by the amazing things.  And that does not diminish the importance or severity of the difficult things, but it does provided a healthy perspective based on balance.

I want your life to be a gift, and not necessarily a trial.  You were born into this era because of the lessons you can learn here and the person you can become.  The trials you go through are different than those of people who were born into different eras and different times.  And those trials are much easier to bear when you keep in mind that the gifts that you have available to you are many, and are much more accessible to many more people than they ever were.

Enjoy your day, and enjoy your life!

Another New Day

Good morning, God, and thanks for this new day of ours.  It's supposed to be another beautiful day, which is very nice to have in October.  The leaves here are at their peak all around us, and we have a lot of beautiful golden scenes to enjoy.  It's been warmer than usual, so it doesn't feel as autumn-like on the skin, but that's a very small thing when all is said and done, isn't it?

It seems like my last few notes to you have been about worries.  I'm not saying that's bad, because if we can't discuss our worries with you when they come up, then with whom can we discuss them?  I do want to take today, though, and move away from the worries.  I still have them and I'm still working on them, but I don't want to have my entire conversation with you to be focused on them.

Instead, I would like to focus on the positive things in my life right now.  I ran a race on Saturday and ran it pretty slowly for me, and still got second place and a nice prize package--thank you for that!  It was a beautiful day then, too, and we really enjoyed ourselves over in McLeod.  I believe that my slowness was due to the heavy wind that day, as everyone else was slow, too.

My classes are going well, and so is the job that I'm doing at CC.  It's very nice being a part of two completely different worlds, as my brain is being used in several completely different ways, and I'm learning things from several different perspectives.

I need to work on getting focused enough to finish a couple of writing projects--perhaps you could help me out there?

We have a nice place to live, we have food on the table, we have work, we have a lot of opportunities that we hadn't had before we moved here, so thank you for all that.  I do try to be grateful as much as I possibly can--you know that--but the worries do move themselves into my life sometimes and make things difficult.  In any case, thanks for all that's going well!

A reply:

You're welcome, but of course, you have a lot to do with things going well yourself.  There's a bit of a myth among people who "believe" in me that all good things come from me.  The truth is, though, that you create a lot of the good yourself through your actions and your decisions.  Your gratitude for that good, though, is extremely important, as it helps you to create more good (and therefore feel more gratitude, etc., etc.)

Yes, things are going well for you.  No, they're not going as well as they could, but one of the most important lessons in life--one that you've learned already, even if you don't always put it into practice--is not to focus on what we think things should be rather than what things are.  Financially, most of the people in your country are having difficulties, and that situation is a precursor to change.  I don't know what the change will be, but the situation is reaching crisis proportions, so there will have to be some sort of change soon.  It can go in any of several different directions.  But the main thing for you to take from that is the fact that your financial situation isn't completely your doing.  You're a member of your society at a time in history when people of your class have a harder time making ends meet.  And you also have several financial responsibilities that aren't yours, but which you and your wife have taken up in order to help other people--and you've got to keep that in mind.

Why am I talking about finances when you didn't?  Because the worries are still there.  I know you want to be positive, yet sometimes it's much more important to work your way through confusion and concerns than it is to put on a happy face and pretend that nothing's wrong.  If it takes another week, another month, another five years to work your way through these issues, I'll be here to help you do so.  Put your faith in me.  Put your faith in the life I've given you and others.  You'll find that when you trust me and life, the day-to-day stress diminishes significantly.

And thank you for your thanks.  I don't expect it from people, but I do appreciate it when it comes.

Worries about Tomorrow

Good morning, God, and thanks much for this new day that we have--I really do appreciate it.  I hope that I'm able to do many positive things during this day.

I've been thinking more of the things I've been writing about recently, mostly about the fact that our financial situation has taken several huge hits and that I've been spending a lot of time worrying about what that means for our future.  I'm not in a situation right now in which I can simply go out and get another job, given all of the time commitments that I have; I also don't have savings that I can access, due to other hits that we've taken in the recent past.  We've tried to save regularly, but each time we build up a comfortable reserve, something completely out of our power to control comes up and snatches it away, it seems.

In some ways, it feels like we're being penalized--we're losing our savings because of someone else's actions, and we have no way of avoiding being hurt by that.

But be those feelings what they may be, today I'm more interested in talking about what's going on now--the worries that I'm feeling about next month, next week, even next year, due to my current job situation.  I do recognize that I can't do anything about next month or next year, and that I have control only over what I do today.  I also recognize that worrying won't help anything--it will just bring me down today.  But those two pieces of knowledge don't necessarily keep me from worrying--they're true, but the worry has a life of its own.

Which brings up the missing piece of the puzzle, I think.  Trust.  Trusting you.  Trusting life.  You know as well as anyone that I have trust issues due to my upbringing--deep trust issues that are very hard to overcome.  It's hard for me to trust you or anyone else, and when things like this keep happening, that makes the trust all that much harder to come by.

If I could trust you fully, I wouldn't be worrying today.  I wouldn't have any concerns about where the money's going to come from in the future.  I wouldn't worry about not being able to afford the rent or the food.  That is, of course, if I could trust you fully.

The frustrating part is that I know that I should trust you.  Many, many people have done so, and you've come through for them.  And I know in my mind that their trust is the thing that allowed you to come through.  My lack of trust could be one reason for which so many things go wrong--simply because I don't give you a chance to lead my life in the directions that are the most productive and fulfilling.  If there are setbacks now, those setbacks will contribute to a happier and fuller life for me--down the road.  That doesn't have to happen here and now.  Right now, we have a place to live, we have food to eat, we have work.  I am grateful for that, but I mix that gratitude with worry that we won't have the same things tomorrow.  And that's due to a lack of trust.

Sometimes I've thought about the question, "If I could have any one thing in the world. . ."  I think that today, if I could have any one thing, it would be trust.  Faith in you and in life.  Faith that I can go about doing my best in all that I can do today without worrying about tomorrow, for I know that tomorrow will take care of itself.

A reply:

And that's an incredibly important thing to desire.  So many people don't live their todays fully and completely, for they spend their todays worrying about their tomorrows.  And so many of those worries are justified.  The important thing to remember, though, is that just because something is justified doesn't mean that it's the best thing for us.  If your child steals a dollar, you're justified to show him no trust when you find out; but is showing your child no trust the best thing to do?  Absolutely not.

You can trust me.  You've seen it in the lives of others, you've read it in the many books that you've read--you've felt it in your heart.  I am there for you today, I will be there for you tomorrow.  I don't meddle in your day-to-day lives as a control freak or a micro-manager, but I do care for you, and I do care about your life and your state of mind.  After all, I need people on the planet who are at peace and who share their love and caring with others--and how are you supposed to do that if you're constantly worried about just getting by?

Your current financial difficulties are also balanced by you having more free time, and I've been glad to see that you've been using that spare time to help others.  The training that you're going through for your church simply wouldn't have been possible if you had had a full schedule--we both know that.  Some other work that you've been doing wouldn't have been possible.  And you've been very observant to see that just because you're making less money doesn't mean that you can't contribute in other ways.  And you have been contributing.  That's a great thing.

But you also have been worrying.  That's a natural thing.  Not exactly productive or helpful, but still quite natural.  You do have financial obligations and responsibilities to meet.  Though I wish I could, I cannot get into your mind and erase that worry.  You've recognized the truth that in order to banish the worry, it's going to take an act on your part, an act of choice to trust that things will be okay, even if they seem not to be.

It may be that one year from now you're in the same home; it may be that you're in one that's smaller and less expensive.  It may be that you're at the same jobs; it may be that you're doing something entirely different.  It may be that you're driving the same cars; it may be that you have different cars.  It's not part of who I am to tell the future in order to comfort you, but I can tell you quite unequivocally that you can trust that what will happen, will happen for your best.  You will be able to deal with situations and to adapt, and you will be fine.  Not just fine, but thriving, especially considering some of the directions you've recently decided to go in.

Hang in there.  Follow your instinct and trust me.  Here's why:  when you do trust me, you'll be able to put 100% of your energy into your current affairs, without spending much of that energy on something useless such as worry.  That's why I want you to trust me.  It's not an ego thing with me--it's about giving you a chance to concentrate fully and completely on what you're doing so that you can do it as well as possible.  I can be trusted, just as you can.  Trust that fact, and you can trust me.

Several possible directions

Hello, God--and today I say "good afternoon" instead of "good morning."  I don't usually write anything here in the afternoons, but here I am.  Life's been getting more than a bit strange, more than a bit complicated, and I'm not sure that I'm handling it too well.  I've spent the last week being sick, which usually is a result just as much from stress as from any bug or virus that I've encountered.  And it's very true--I'm very stressed these days, and there really isn't any indication that there's any sort of financial change in my future that will relieve me of the stress.  We're in a very precarious situation, and I have no idea how I should approach it or try to deal with it.  I'm simply unprepared for this sort of thing.

I know in my heart that my faith should be strong enough to keep me from stressing out about possibly running out of money.  It's never happened in the past, and it shouldn't happen now.  But I've made so many efforts to have a positive effect on our finances that I'm finding it hard to believe that anything I do is going to succeed.  I have some tiny bit of success, but no real true success.  In fact, we're now going to have to use the last of my retirement money (which isn't much to begin with) just to make it through this winter, it appears.  And things are happening all at once--car problems, annual insurance payments, etc.--so it's not simply a question of a few bills that we need to take care of.

I suppose that the most important question of all is where I should go from here.  I know what many people say about following our passion and doing the things that we love to do, but I've been trying that for a while, to no avail.  On the other hand, I don't see how getting an extra low-paying job is going to make much of a difference, other than turning me into a miserable person who doesn't have time to spend with his wife or on things that I love doing.  I might get paychecks, but I most certainly wouldn't be living my life fully and richly.  Is this latter idea just a pipe dream, or is it something I should be expecting out of life?  Could it be that my own fears and attitudes are keeping me in financial straits?  Somehow, I'm not sure that I see the value in blaming myself for thoughts and ideas that have been ingrained in me by others for so many years.

So I give it to you.  Yours is now the financial situation, and yours are also the choices that I'll be needing to make about my future.  Are there opportunities out there for me?  Or am I doomed to constantly worry about money, never quite having enough no matter how much or how hard I work?

A reply:

We've talked about this before.  But I understand that after many years of building certain beliefs and expectations, it's not really possible to simply change them on demand, even if you hear something from me.  All I can tell you is that I want you to thrive, not to suffer; I want you to enjoy life, not to fear it.  And you should be able to thrive in any situation, as long as your basic needs are being met--and so far, they are.  What's happening is that you're worrying about what will happen "when the money runs out"--you're worrying about a future that you don't know is coming.  The first thing for you to do is to focus on the present, know that all of your needs are being met right now, and be grateful for and happy about that.  When you're able to do that, we can talk more.  I don't want to go into too much detail now because I think that you really should focus on this particular "assignment," if you will.