Waiting for Change

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in my life.  We have about six inches of snow outside, and it looks like we've turned the corner from the warmish part of autumn into the second part, which will lead into winter.  It's beautiful outside, and I thank you very much for something as pretty as snow.

Classes are going pretty well, though they are almost over--we have just five weeks left of class, which is kind of a surprise, kind of normal.  Time seems to go very quickly during a college semester.  In any case, I thank you for the classes and for the time that I've been able to spend with the students--it's been very valuable to me.

I titled this "Waiting for Change" because I feel that there's a huge need for change in my life, especially in the area of work.  I know that what I'm doing now isn't sustainable financially, and I need to find something else that will pay the bills more reliably.  I say "waiting" even though I know that I need to actively pursue change--it doesn't just sneak up on me and happen one day.  The problem is, though, that things could go in any of several directions, and I'm not sure which direction is right for me at this point in my life.  Should I focus on my writing?  On online classes?  On teaching at the university?  There are so many possibilities, yet I'm not sure which one would be the most effective or the most reliable or the most beneficial.  Help!

A reply:

You find yourself at what many people would call a crossroads.  You have several different paths that are open to you, but no knowledge at all of what lies down any of the particular roads.  I'm surprised that you didn't mention the fear--this type of situation almost always brings about fear.

Me:

May be the fear's too strong, too prevalent for me to even notice it for what it is.  Or perhaps my faith is finally growing strong enough that I don't fear such situations any longer?

A reply:

Both of those are possible, of course.  But that would be a discussion for a different time, when our focus is on something else.  You're concerned about these different paths that you may take.  And not so much with the paths themselves, but with the results that the paths create in your life.  If you choose writing, for example, and you're not able to earn enough money from it, then you'll have major financial problems.  If you choose the university and you're not able to get enough classes, then you'll have the same problem.  It's fascinating--and rather dismaying--that your major concern when considering the paths you should take in your life is money.

And it doesn't dismay me as a result of what you're doing or thinking.  It dismays me in the sense that you live in a society that doesn't value helping people to reach their potential and follow their gifts--you live in a society that has come to worship money and profit, and that has made it very difficult for people to follow paths that contribute to the financial side of the world in indirect ways.  You're a teacher--your contribution to your society's economy is extremely vital to that economy, yet because no one sees any short-term profit from your work, you're marginalized financially through weak financial rewards for your work.

But you're aware of that.  Now you stand at a crossroads that demands a decision from you--either you move wholeheartedly in one direction and give it your all, or you take a few hesitant steps in two or three of the directions, hoping for some sort of sign that you're on the right road.  I think that you know from reading that sentence which is going to be--in the long run--the most beneficial choice for you to make.  Now you need to look in your heart and spirit and decide what you have a passion for, what makes you feel best about yourself and all that you do.  Will it be the short steps and no commitment to a direction, or will it be full commitment, come hell or high water?  (Sorry, but some cliches I allow myself because they're so expressive!)

You can wait for change if you'd like.  Or you can be the agent of change and make the changes that you know are best for you and yours.  Your faith is growing, and I would encourage you to make your faith an important part of your decision-making process.  You'll do fine, whatever direction you choose.  You just want the direction that will help you to grow and prosper in the ways that you're supposed to.