Another New Day

Good morning, God, and thanks for this new day of ours.  It's supposed to be another beautiful day, which is very nice to have in October.  The leaves here are at their peak all around us, and we have a lot of beautiful golden scenes to enjoy.  It's been warmer than usual, so it doesn't feel as autumn-like on the skin, but that's a very small thing when all is said and done, isn't it?

It seems like my last few notes to you have been about worries.  I'm not saying that's bad, because if we can't discuss our worries with you when they come up, then with whom can we discuss them?  I do want to take today, though, and move away from the worries.  I still have them and I'm still working on them, but I don't want to have my entire conversation with you to be focused on them.

Instead, I would like to focus on the positive things in my life right now.  I ran a race on Saturday and ran it pretty slowly for me, and still got second place and a nice prize package--thank you for that!  It was a beautiful day then, too, and we really enjoyed ourselves over in McLeod.  I believe that my slowness was due to the heavy wind that day, as everyone else was slow, too.

My classes are going well, and so is the job that I'm doing at CC.  It's very nice being a part of two completely different worlds, as my brain is being used in several completely different ways, and I'm learning things from several different perspectives.

I need to work on getting focused enough to finish a couple of writing projects--perhaps you could help me out there?

We have a nice place to live, we have food on the table, we have work, we have a lot of opportunities that we hadn't had before we moved here, so thank you for all that.  I do try to be grateful as much as I possibly can--you know that--but the worries do move themselves into my life sometimes and make things difficult.  In any case, thanks for all that's going well!

A reply:

You're welcome, but of course, you have a lot to do with things going well yourself.  There's a bit of a myth among people who "believe" in me that all good things come from me.  The truth is, though, that you create a lot of the good yourself through your actions and your decisions.  Your gratitude for that good, though, is extremely important, as it helps you to create more good (and therefore feel more gratitude, etc., etc.)

Yes, things are going well for you.  No, they're not going as well as they could, but one of the most important lessons in life--one that you've learned already, even if you don't always put it into practice--is not to focus on what we think things should be rather than what things are.  Financially, most of the people in your country are having difficulties, and that situation is a precursor to change.  I don't know what the change will be, but the situation is reaching crisis proportions, so there will have to be some sort of change soon.  It can go in any of several different directions.  But the main thing for you to take from that is the fact that your financial situation isn't completely your doing.  You're a member of your society at a time in history when people of your class have a harder time making ends meet.  And you also have several financial responsibilities that aren't yours, but which you and your wife have taken up in order to help other people--and you've got to keep that in mind.

Why am I talking about finances when you didn't?  Because the worries are still there.  I know you want to be positive, yet sometimes it's much more important to work your way through confusion and concerns than it is to put on a happy face and pretend that nothing's wrong.  If it takes another week, another month, another five years to work your way through these issues, I'll be here to help you do so.  Put your faith in me.  Put your faith in the life I've given you and others.  You'll find that when you trust me and life, the day-to-day stress diminishes significantly.

And thank you for your thanks.  I don't expect it from people, but I do appreciate it when it comes.

Worries about Tomorrow

Good morning, God, and thanks much for this new day that we have--I really do appreciate it.  I hope that I'm able to do many positive things during this day.

I've been thinking more of the things I've been writing about recently, mostly about the fact that our financial situation has taken several huge hits and that I've been spending a lot of time worrying about what that means for our future.  I'm not in a situation right now in which I can simply go out and get another job, given all of the time commitments that I have; I also don't have savings that I can access, due to other hits that we've taken in the recent past.  We've tried to save regularly, but each time we build up a comfortable reserve, something completely out of our power to control comes up and snatches it away, it seems.

In some ways, it feels like we're being penalized--we're losing our savings because of someone else's actions, and we have no way of avoiding being hurt by that.

But be those feelings what they may be, today I'm more interested in talking about what's going on now--the worries that I'm feeling about next month, next week, even next year, due to my current job situation.  I do recognize that I can't do anything about next month or next year, and that I have control only over what I do today.  I also recognize that worrying won't help anything--it will just bring me down today.  But those two pieces of knowledge don't necessarily keep me from worrying--they're true, but the worry has a life of its own.

Which brings up the missing piece of the puzzle, I think.  Trust.  Trusting you.  Trusting life.  You know as well as anyone that I have trust issues due to my upbringing--deep trust issues that are very hard to overcome.  It's hard for me to trust you or anyone else, and when things like this keep happening, that makes the trust all that much harder to come by.

If I could trust you fully, I wouldn't be worrying today.  I wouldn't have any concerns about where the money's going to come from in the future.  I wouldn't worry about not being able to afford the rent or the food.  That is, of course, if I could trust you fully.

The frustrating part is that I know that I should trust you.  Many, many people have done so, and you've come through for them.  And I know in my mind that their trust is the thing that allowed you to come through.  My lack of trust could be one reason for which so many things go wrong--simply because I don't give you a chance to lead my life in the directions that are the most productive and fulfilling.  If there are setbacks now, those setbacks will contribute to a happier and fuller life for me--down the road.  That doesn't have to happen here and now.  Right now, we have a place to live, we have food to eat, we have work.  I am grateful for that, but I mix that gratitude with worry that we won't have the same things tomorrow.  And that's due to a lack of trust.

Sometimes I've thought about the question, "If I could have any one thing in the world. . ."  I think that today, if I could have any one thing, it would be trust.  Faith in you and in life.  Faith that I can go about doing my best in all that I can do today without worrying about tomorrow, for I know that tomorrow will take care of itself.

A reply:

And that's an incredibly important thing to desire.  So many people don't live their todays fully and completely, for they spend their todays worrying about their tomorrows.  And so many of those worries are justified.  The important thing to remember, though, is that just because something is justified doesn't mean that it's the best thing for us.  If your child steals a dollar, you're justified to show him no trust when you find out; but is showing your child no trust the best thing to do?  Absolutely not.

You can trust me.  You've seen it in the lives of others, you've read it in the many books that you've read--you've felt it in your heart.  I am there for you today, I will be there for you tomorrow.  I don't meddle in your day-to-day lives as a control freak or a micro-manager, but I do care for you, and I do care about your life and your state of mind.  After all, I need people on the planet who are at peace and who share their love and caring with others--and how are you supposed to do that if you're constantly worried about just getting by?

Your current financial difficulties are also balanced by you having more free time, and I've been glad to see that you've been using that spare time to help others.  The training that you're going through for your church simply wouldn't have been possible if you had had a full schedule--we both know that.  Some other work that you've been doing wouldn't have been possible.  And you've been very observant to see that just because you're making less money doesn't mean that you can't contribute in other ways.  And you have been contributing.  That's a great thing.

But you also have been worrying.  That's a natural thing.  Not exactly productive or helpful, but still quite natural.  You do have financial obligations and responsibilities to meet.  Though I wish I could, I cannot get into your mind and erase that worry.  You've recognized the truth that in order to banish the worry, it's going to take an act on your part, an act of choice to trust that things will be okay, even if they seem not to be.

It may be that one year from now you're in the same home; it may be that you're in one that's smaller and less expensive.  It may be that you're at the same jobs; it may be that you're doing something entirely different.  It may be that you're driving the same cars; it may be that you have different cars.  It's not part of who I am to tell the future in order to comfort you, but I can tell you quite unequivocally that you can trust that what will happen, will happen for your best.  You will be able to deal with situations and to adapt, and you will be fine.  Not just fine, but thriving, especially considering some of the directions you've recently decided to go in.

Hang in there.  Follow your instinct and trust me.  Here's why:  when you do trust me, you'll be able to put 100% of your energy into your current affairs, without spending much of that energy on something useless such as worry.  That's why I want you to trust me.  It's not an ego thing with me--it's about giving you a chance to concentrate fully and completely on what you're doing so that you can do it as well as possible.  I can be trusted, just as you can.  Trust that fact, and you can trust me.

Several possible directions

Hello, God--and today I say "good afternoon" instead of "good morning."  I don't usually write anything here in the afternoons, but here I am.  Life's been getting more than a bit strange, more than a bit complicated, and I'm not sure that I'm handling it too well.  I've spent the last week being sick, which usually is a result just as much from stress as from any bug or virus that I've encountered.  And it's very true--I'm very stressed these days, and there really isn't any indication that there's any sort of financial change in my future that will relieve me of the stress.  We're in a very precarious situation, and I have no idea how I should approach it or try to deal with it.  I'm simply unprepared for this sort of thing.

I know in my heart that my faith should be strong enough to keep me from stressing out about possibly running out of money.  It's never happened in the past, and it shouldn't happen now.  But I've made so many efforts to have a positive effect on our finances that I'm finding it hard to believe that anything I do is going to succeed.  I have some tiny bit of success, but no real true success.  In fact, we're now going to have to use the last of my retirement money (which isn't much to begin with) just to make it through this winter, it appears.  And things are happening all at once--car problems, annual insurance payments, etc.--so it's not simply a question of a few bills that we need to take care of.

I suppose that the most important question of all is where I should go from here.  I know what many people say about following our passion and doing the things that we love to do, but I've been trying that for a while, to no avail.  On the other hand, I don't see how getting an extra low-paying job is going to make much of a difference, other than turning me into a miserable person who doesn't have time to spend with his wife or on things that I love doing.  I might get paychecks, but I most certainly wouldn't be living my life fully and richly.  Is this latter idea just a pipe dream, or is it something I should be expecting out of life?  Could it be that my own fears and attitudes are keeping me in financial straits?  Somehow, I'm not sure that I see the value in blaming myself for thoughts and ideas that have been ingrained in me by others for so many years.

So I give it to you.  Yours is now the financial situation, and yours are also the choices that I'll be needing to make about my future.  Are there opportunities out there for me?  Or am I doomed to constantly worry about money, never quite having enough no matter how much or how hard I work?

A reply:

We've talked about this before.  But I understand that after many years of building certain beliefs and expectations, it's not really possible to simply change them on demand, even if you hear something from me.  All I can tell you is that I want you to thrive, not to suffer; I want you to enjoy life, not to fear it.  And you should be able to thrive in any situation, as long as your basic needs are being met--and so far, they are.  What's happening is that you're worrying about what will happen "when the money runs out"--you're worrying about a future that you don't know is coming.  The first thing for you to do is to focus on the present, know that all of your needs are being met right now, and be grateful for and happy about that.  When you're able to do that, we can talk more.  I don't want to go into too much detail now because I think that you really should focus on this particular "assignment," if you will.

Good morning

Good morning, God!  A new day is here, and I have a lot to do on this day.  I'm grateful for that fact, for I've had days when I haven't really had many opportunities to accomplish things, and those days were very difficult.  So though I'll be very busy today, I'm thankful for the chance to be busy.  And I know I won't be busy for the next two days, so the busyness today isn't going to keep me from enjoying the autumn days that I've been given.

So thank you!


A reply:

You're welcome.  Just keep your eyes and heart open for all the opportunities that you have to share the love inside you, and your day will be marvelous.

When It Rains

Hello, God--

Today is here, and I have a whole day ahead of me now, a day that I can make the most of, or a day that I can squander.  I thank you for this day and the opportunities that it brings to me, and I sincerely hope that I can make the most of them.

Of course, today also means a trip to the dentist.  That's a mixed bag, there, for it's very positive--the dentist is going to fix a problem that I have with a tooth--and very negative--it's going to cost a lot more than we really have to spare right now.  In fact, it's one more thing piled up on top of many more things that are making our financial lives quite difficult right now.  Car issues, fewer hours at work, the loss of a steady source of income, annual bills coming due--all these things are adding up to a huge problem these days, and it's getting almost impossible to see any light at the end of the tunnel.  I know that we're not unique in this way--millions of people are having problems making ends meet these days--but it does get quite frustrating and demoralizing.  One of the most difficult parts of it all is knowing that we work hard, and we do good jobs in all that we do--much better than average jobs, yet there isn't any corresponding return on the great amount of effort that we give.

What are we supposed to do when we watch our bank accounts draining, when we look to the future three months from now and realize that there isn't going to be anything left at the end of a month?  What do we do when we work very hard and well, only to be paid less than many other people who do much less work?  How do we deal with it when we're trying so hard to reach a level of stability with our finances, only to see another $500 go away to get a car fixed?

I'm not at that point, but I can certainly understand how people can turn away from God and religion when such difficulties arise in their lives.  How are we supposed to maintain faith when we're promised over and over that God will take care of us, yet we can never get ahead and we can never find financial security?  How can we be living our lives fully and getting the most out of life when there are worries about money on our minds almost all the time?  It simply doesn't make sense.

A reply:

I can certainly see your logic about faith.  I want you to know first and foremost that it is not in my plans to have anyone suffer from worry or from poverty.  It does happen, and it happens far more than I would like to see.  It is not my desire to see anyone feel hopelessness and frustration, except that they function as catalysts to cause people to move on to better things in life and even better lives.  There are no true paradigm shifts in any areas without a sense of crisis to bring them about--and some people need greater crises to cause them to make changes that will improve their situations.  It is not in my plan to see you suffer from worry, but is it possible that the negative feelings you have that result from worry may provoke actions on your part that will make such worry negligible or even non-existent in your life?

And those changes need not be major changes--they may end up being changes in attitude, changes in perspective, changes in acceptance.  Or changes in trust.

One thing that does concern me constantly is the fact that so many people would look at your situation--or the situations of so many others that are similar--and say that it's your fault.  From a worldly perspective, they would say it's your fault because you have the wrong jobs, because you haven't saved enough, because you've squandered money on other things.

From a spiritual perspective, they would say it's your fault because your faith isn't strong enough, because you're not "right" with me, because you need the lessons that money problems and worry will provide you with.

I will say very clearly:  it is not your fault.  Yes, some people do squander large amounts of money and end up suffering financially because of it.  That is not the case here--I know it and you know it.  That is not the case for millions of people who have similar situations and worries.  It's important that you know that you're not facing these problems because you bought a pair of shoes last month instead of leaving that money in the bank.  It's not happening because you ate out three times last month.  It's simply happening.

And it's hard for me to say "have faith in me" when you have had faith in me up until now, and you're still facing these problems.  In all fairness, why would you believe me when I say "have faith"?

One thing that every problem needs is time.  They're rarely solved quickly and neatly.  Over time, you'll watch things fall together in ways that you couldn't predict, and you'll see your problems diminish, slowly and surely.  You'll learn ways to cope with what's happening, and you'll develop strategies for compensating for the issues.  I will help you through that process.  I'll help you to open your eyes to solutions and strategies, and I'll help you to deal with your worries effectively instead of letting them overwhelm you.  I will do all that I can to give you peace of mind and peace of heart, for when you're facing life from a peaceful place, it's easier to see what's needed.

I would love to say "Give your problem to me and I'll solve it immediately."  Life, though, has never worked that way.  It isn't designed to work that way.  It's hard to hear "Hang in there and keep at it, but don't worry," but that's essentially what I'm saying--with the offer to take your worry over myself.  Give your situation to me and give your worry to me, and I will work with you to bring a resolution to them both.

Fears Are Back

Good morning, God.  Thanks much for this new day and the new opportunities that it brings to live, to love, to appreciate, and to cherish.  These new days are very important to me, and I'm grateful for them.

I'm going through quite a lot these days, especially concerning work.  My hours have been cut dramatically at one job, and I'm experiencing a lot of fears of authority figures that I haven't experienced in many, many years.  It's the old fear of judgment coming back, the fear that I'm going to be told that I'm doing something wrong or bad and that I'm not going to have the chance to defend myself, or that if I do have that chance, I'm not going to be believed.

I know where this fear comes from of course, but that doesn't help me when it comes in the middle of the night and keeps me up.  And it also doesn't help me to come to terms with it--why, after all these years, is this fear re-emerging?  Why am I having to deal with it at my age?  It's something that should have been relegated to obscurity years ago; instead, I'm finding myself dealing with issues that I've dealt with for years and years--and for no real reason.  The fears are unfounded.  They make no sense.

Add to that the financial fears, and you have a very interesting set of circumstances.  Terry and I just committed to going on a cruise next May, which means that we'll have to spend a lot of money AND that I'll have to take six weeks off from teaching in order to be able to go.  In order to be able to do both of those things, we're going to need to actually have money.  I took the extra job in order to be able to have extra money, yet now it looks like the extra job will be simply compensating for the lost hours.

My two greatest fears, back to haunt me in significant ways.  Why?  What can I do about them?  I feel that the only thing I can do for the first one is to be absolutely perfect in the class or on the job, and there's no way I can be that, of course.  And for the second one, I feel that I'll have to work many extra hours at extra jobs just to have money coming in--is that the case?  I do have other options for income, but they, of course, haven't panned out nearly as well as they could have.  So what do I do here?  How do I deal with these fears?  Is this a question of a lack of faith, or is there something else to it?

A response:

First of all, let me say that this is not about a lack of faith.  "Religious" leaders will often tell you that fears are a result of a lack of faith, but that's not necessarily true.  It hurts me to see so many people turn away from me because they think that they're being "punished" for a lack of faith--their prayers aren't answered, for example, because their faith isn't strong enough--and I wish that people would stop trying to judge the quality of each other's faith.  Your faith is what it is, and given the circumstances under which you grew up, I'm actually a bit surprised that it's as strong as it is.  And I appreciate the fact that you try to keep it childlike and sincere--simple and strong.

You know where your fears come from, and that's a very good start.  When you know their source, at least you can recognize them for what they are--fears, and not reality.  I'm not big on pop culture, but I do like the acronym "False Evidence Appearing Real'; it gives a good idea of what fear is all about.  How do you deal with it, though?  How do you, in your daily life today and tomorrow, put those fears aside and go on with your life in productive and positive ways instead of worrying and wondering?  Isn't that the essential question that everyone must face?  Fears in themselves aren't nearly as destructive as the lack of focus that one experiences when dealing with fears in addition to dealing with all the other things that life throws at you.

I could assure you that everything will be okay, yet if you really can't find a reason to believe that, then my words will fall on rock and not have the chance to grow.  Because let's face it:  if you're not able to take that cruise (and I know that it's your first real vacation in many years), and you still have enough money to buy food and rent shelter with, things are still okay, aren't they?  Your dreams of a vacation have been dashed and you'll be dealing with a very high level of disappointment, but things will still be okay, technically.  But are dashed dreams really okay, especially when they're rather modest dreams that are very realistic and completely understandable?

Your fear of authority and judgment is very real, and it results from your childhood.  It's very common in people who had an alcoholic parent or two in their childhoods.  And this fear triggers a defense mechanism that can be very uncomfortable to deal with--and even very painful in many ways.  I would say that the best way to deal with it is to get to know the authority figures in your life right now--interact with them and learn about them.  They will do things that you don't understand, for they're dealing with a lot of fears themselves.  Their fears will even make them do things that are completely wrong.  But the more you know about them, the better will be your position when things do seem to be going wrong; the more you'll understand what's going on.

Now, some of these people make themselves inaccessible--physically or elsewise--so getting to know them isn't that easy.  In that case, it may make you feel better to write things down.  Write down things that happen so that you're very clear in your mind how things were.  Writing things down, as you know, helps us to clarify thoughts and helps us to see where we might have done something "better" or differently.

This may also help with your money/job issues.  Write down what you need, and write down what you know you have now and what you will have.  Find out what the disparity is.  Then you can brainstorm ways to come up with the shortfall.

And pray.  Pray for guidance and pray for help.  I know that you won't pray for the money in the form of a windfall, but you might even consider that.

Don't play the lottery.  Don't gamble.  Both of those systems are designed to take money, not pay it out.

And try to relax, try to enjoy, and give your best to all you do.  I know you try to do that already, but keep that up.  You can deal with obstacles much better from a place of peace and balance than you can from a place of stress and fear.  Pray for that peace of mind.

A Bit of a Rest

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day and my chance to live it.  It's the first day of rest after six weeks of a really overwhelming schedule, during which I had to neglect many things, including these "chats" with you.  It was a schedule that was kind of forced upon me, and one that I never would have chosen to have.  I prefer to have a more moderate schedule, one with a balance between work and rest and other activities that are often more fulfilling than work.

The rest time now will be much appreciated.  It always takes me several days to unwind after long periods of being overworked, and today is the first day of trying to unwind.  I'm grateful that I got through the time relatively unscathed, though now I'm going to face the task of catching up with those things that have been neglected.  That promises to keep me rather busy over the next couple of weeks, though it's not as difficult a kind of busy for me.

I often wonder about the busy times--I don't like them at all because they put me out of balance, but I do know that they make me appreciate the "normal" times much more.  During the busy times I miss being able to relax, being able to carve out moments of peace in my day.  I miss leaving work behind and going for a nice long walk or run.  The busy times can make a day seem to be more of an ordeal than a gift, and I simply don't like that.  Perhaps they happen to make me appreciate the less busy times more; perhaps they happen to help me to be able to deal with being busy more effectively.  I don't know.

In any case, I'm grateful that now I have a few days of respite to look forward to, a few days of living more slowly and less intensely (I like living intensely, by the way--just not so much when the intensity is because of work).  I look forward to waking up in the morning and knowing that I can use the day as I wish, for the most part.  Thanks for this new day, and thanks for the flexibility it brings!

A reply:

You're very welcome.  As you go through this new day, perhaps you could ponder something about these last six weeks:  maybe they just happened, without any real lesson to bring to you.  Perhaps any lesson that has come to you through the busyness has come from you, too.  After all, you weren't the only person on this schedule, and it would be rather silly to think that everyone who went through this period being as busy as you has received the same lesson.

Life is life.  It's an amazing process and experience, and it does tend to bring people what they need when they need it--or people find what they need in whatever comes.  Will you now find something useful in this time of rest?  Perhaps you'll find new ways of reflecting.  Maybe you'll find the time to start another novel.  Whatever comes of this positive time, you will find ways to make it happen.  Whatever came of your time of unbalance, you found ways to learn the lessons, to understand the points, to comprehend the need to interact with life and living.

Your gratitude is important.  And you know that you're thankful for some of the other elements of the busy time, too--earning more money, getting to work with more people, being able to help more people, and so on.  It's also important that you recognize and understand the lack of balance--many people suffer in life because they never see that they're unbalanced, and thus they never understand that many of their fears and pains are caused by not leading a balanced life.  And when you come through a time of little or no balance, it's very important that you seek out a balance as soon as you can.

Remember also, though, that this is the second time this summer that you've been out of balance.  The first time was when you were finishing your novel, and your unbalance was just as severe as it was now.  The only difference is that you chose to unbalance yourself and your life the first time, so it made more sense to you, as you were accomplishing a personal goal.  The second time was thrust upon you, so it was much more unpleasant.  Unbalance happens in many ways.  Sometimes it's a choice, and sometimes it's not.  Either way, the good thing is that you have learned from it--twice.

Enjoy the restful time.