Winter's back

Good morning, God, and thanks much for this new day!  It's a snowy morning again, after several weeks of spring-like weather that had us all thinking that winter and snow were distant memories. And while it's a bit of an annoyance, there are, of course, many positives that come with having more snow. The snowpack in the mountains is being replenished, so there will be more water in the summer. We'll have more groundwater when this stuff melts. And it's really pretty.

It reminds me so much of life--just when we think we've worked our ways past something, we find out that we really haven't. It comes back up and bites us, sometimes making us think that we haven't accomplished anything at all or that we're actually moving backwards in life. I think I'm in that kind of stage with my teaching--I still often wonder about whether I'm an effective teacher or not, about whether I belong in the classroom, about whether or not students are getting what they need from me. Sometimes I think I need to work harder on planning, but then I go and have some of my best classes with no planning at all. Some students don't like having me as a teacher, some students really enjoy my classes.

These are doubts that I thought I had worked my way past. Long ago. But they're back, or they're still here, just rising to the surface once again. It may be a pretty crappy metaphor to compare it to the return of winter, but I guess it seems to work. In any case, if anyone gets what I mean by it, you do. At least, I hope you do!

I guess if I had anything to ask of you as a prayer, it would be that you help me to be the best teacher I possibly can be so that my students will benefit as much as possible. Then, when these doubts start coming up, I can look at the positive side of them, just as I can see a lot of positive aspects of spring snowstorms. Maybe they make me a better teacher. Maybe they help me to appreciate what I'm doing and what I've done in the past that helps me to do what I'm doing now.

A reply:

Spring snow is a beautiful thing. It's a reminder of the difficult times that your part of the world has just gone through, and you know for sure that better times are coming--you just have to get through a few more storms. And it's your choice how you get through them. You can celebrate the snow and the beauty, or you can feel depressed because it's not warm enough and there's not enough sunshine. It's always your choice.

As far as the analogy of your doubts, perhaps you forced a metaphor because when you started writing, you didn't realize exactly what it was that you wanted to write about, but it came to you nonetheless as you wrote more. In any case, the metaphor works for me--I might have used a different one, but it makes sense.

What are the late snowstorms in life? The resurgence of negative things, or the resurgence of positive things? Last year there wasn't as much spring snow, and there were more summer fires. Is it simply a disparity between what you want and what you get? Yes, everyone's ready for spring, but would spring from here on in be the best thing for your area? And I'm not just talking about the people, but the wildlife and plants and the soil and earth itself.

Perhaps your doubts and fears (you don't use the word, but it's there) are the best thing for your students. Would you spend as much time mentally going over your classes if you didn't have them? Would you spend as much time preparing if you didn't have them? This resurgence of your doubts could be a way for you to make sure that you're giving your all instead of becoming complacent and continuing to do things the ways you used to do them, as so many other teachers tend to do.

It's a good reflection. As a teacher you're planting seeds constantly. Your doubts are that spring storm that prepares the soil to be fertile, that provides the water for the rivers two or three or four months from now, when it finally melts. The doubts ultimately give your students a benefit two or three or ten years from now, when they think back on things that they've learned and something that you've taught comes back to them. Live with the doubts--don't let them control you, but don't dismiss them as useless or harmful.