Life has taken some interesting turns since last I added to these pages. It's been difficult to contribute partly because of my efforts to minimize Internet time and maximize time spent on other things. While I do like the flexibility of the Weblog format and the ease of talking to you this way, sometimes the computer is on too much, and I'm on the computer too much. I've been thinking recently, though, that taking this time with you is more important than some of the other things that I end up doing. I don't know--it's definitely possible to overthink such things, of course, but in many ways I don't feel the spiritual growth that I had hoped to be feeling. Somehow I need to kick-start that growth, and what better way to do so than to open lines of communication with you?
What I hope to experience in spiritual growth is simply growing closer to you, making you a bigger part of my life, my decisions, my relationships. I want to be one of those people who makes it clear to the world that my spirit is extremely important to me--more important than almost anything else. I want to be able to treat other people as a person of spirit would treat them, and I want to be able to give freely of myself in all ways possible, whenever it's appropriate that I do so. And I want to be able to discern between those times when it's appropriate and those times when it is not.
I sincerely hope that I'll be able to keep this up and to continue to grow. I hope to address issues that are very important to me. I hope to be able to reach points at which I feel good about the choices and decisions I make. I want to feel a closeness to you, not a distance from you. Please help me to stay dedicated to maintaining this dialogue, and please be with me when I do so.
A reply:
Of course I'll do so. The time off that you've spent from this has been necessary time for you; otherwise it would not have happened. I think you know that even if you haven't been maintaining this dialogue, you still have been growing closer to me. The blessings of your life have not shriveled up and disappeared simply because you haven't been making blog entries. My love for you has not diminished. Remember that it's not possible for my love for you to be broken or destroyed--it's one of the few constants that you experience in the world that you're on, and it's that constant that keeps many people in their faith.
I welcome a dialogue with you. I welcome a dialogue with anyone who chooses to speak to me and listen to me. I love it when that happens. I'm glad that you're back. That said, though, I never considered you "gone" when you weren't making entries here or in your other journal. Sometimes learning has to take place where you are, when you are there, and sometimes that learning needs to last a long time before you're able to process it, internalize it, and then discuss it. I think that our dialogue in our near future will be richer and fuller because of the time that you've been growing in other ways, learning from other people and other situations, and feeling things that you wouldn't have felt had you had a stronger connection to me. In many ways, you've been walking through a desert, and you've come out amazingly well. It will be wonderful to discuss those times with you now!
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