(Another) New Beginning, Coming Right Up

Good morning, God!

Thank you for this new day of ours.  It's a new world today, and it's asking me to do something new with it, though I'm having a hard time figuring out just what that is.  I haven't written to you in several years now, and I know why--the teaching jobs that I've had here in Colorado have all been extremely difficult, forcing me to spend much more time on things like class preparation than I really should have had to spend.  The stress level has been super high, and I've been so completely wrapped up in the classes that other things have fallen by the wayside.  Add to that the two hours in the car every day this past year, and it hasn't exactly been a positive way to end my teaching career.

But end it I have--I think.  My wife and I are preparing to move back east soon, and I've quit what I hope is my last teaching job.  It's far too stressful any more, far too intense, far too everything, it seems.  I'll miss the students, of course, but that's life--one moves on.  Me staying wouldn't help them at all, I believe, so there's no real reason to continue to teach other than the income, and replacing that income is simply a risk that I'll have to take.

So I find myself now in an interesting situation--no job, plans to move, not a whole lot of money, but enough for us to last a while.  It's kind of nice knowing that I'm not going to have to be creating class plans out of thin air this coming year, and my sincere hope is that I'm going to be able to do more writing and do more of the things that I love doing, like hiking and biking and going for long walks.  Of course, we need to leave Craig first, and that won't be possible until our house sells.  Two sales have fallen through already, so that's starting to get a bit stressful itself.

In any case, thanks for this new day.  I hope to make it a very special one any way that I can.

A reply:

You're welcome for the day, as always.  I'm glad that you have the perspective that each new day holds the same promises for you, gives you the same opportunities to make it something special.  As long as you do your best to make it such a day, then such a day it shall be.

Your risks are very real.  It can be agonizing to wait around for something like a house selling, but so many things have to fall into place that it's very difficult for such a thing to happen quickly.  You have neighbors that you want to be happy with the new neighbors who take your house; you're going to be in town even after the closing, and many other factors will contribute to the final sale.  An August first closing would have been very difficult for both of you, so it didn't happen.  That only makes sense.  So please be patient, and have faith that things will turn out as they're supposed to turn out.

Yes, you do have an opportunity now to explore aspects of who you are that you haven't explored in quite a long while.  I would just say that you must explore them kindly, without judging yourself harshly on the results.  Look for effective and creative ways to express yourself, and look for effective and creative ways to help others, and you'll always be on the right track.

Risk is risk, and it's definitely an important part of life.  You've taken many more risks in your lifetime than most people ever will, and you've always landed on your feet.  So keep it up.  It may look difficult and it may be daunting, but the risks in your life will be what you look back on fondly, once the results of those risks become clear to you.

Enjoy your day today while you make it a very special one.

Our planet

Good morning, God, and thank you much for this new day in our lives!  We actually had some sunshine and warmth yesterday, after Monday's cold and snow, and that was very helpful for our morale!

Speaking of the weather, it's getting pretty worrisome here as we witness the changes that are happening so incredibly quickly on this planet.  We've certainly done a number on this planet, haven't we?  Watching the disappearance of the polar ice and seeing the extreme heat and dryness that are going to happen in our own Southwest this year, it's difficult not to be worried about our future.  We've come to love the people who share this planet with us, yet we're turning this planet into an inhospitable place for our descendants, who are going to inherit a planet that may not even be able to sustain even the most meager of lives among humans.

What are we doing?

And what can we do?  I know that all problems come with their solutions embedded in them, but not all of us are able to implement far-reaching solutions.  What can I do?  I know the things that I can do on a very small scale, but is that helping at all?  It's a very frustrating time to be alive, to be honest, as it's so easy to feel helpless and ineffective in the face of the truly huge problems that are facing us.

So what can we do?  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

A reply:

You know from your time in the Army, especially, that sometimes, not everyone will know what other people know, but when you combine that knowledge, the two pieces of information can be very helpful.

Your own efforts at conservation and recycling, for example, are extremely small.  They would be completely ineffective on their own.  But one of your neighbors is also doing the same thing, and millions of people all over the world are contributing in their own small ways--and all of you together are doing something large.

You must let go of the need to see concrete results, and continue to do what you know is right.  You're not in a policy-making position, so you need to contribute on your level, in your ways.

The planet is in very bad shape, but there are signs of hope all over the place.  Focus on those.  If someone does something cruel or stupid or destructive, respond to it in your ways.  You may not change things on the grander scale, but you may create a ripple in the water that will reach others, and together you may make a movement that can be very helpful on a larger--though still small--scale.

It's a shame, because the planet that you're on could be a paradise for everyone; instead, most of the people on it live in a kind of a hell that consists of poverty, hunger, sickness, and hopelessness.  And it's other people who have caused that hell.  One day, I hope, those other people will be the powerless ones, and those who seek to better the conditions of life for all people and animals and plants on the planet will be the ones who have the most control.  It's up to you all, though, not to me.

Hello again!

Good morning, God, and thank you very much for this new day in our lives.  Thank you for the chances that I'll have to be with other people, to eat food, to see and feel beauty, to enjoy music and wind and (today) snow.

It's November already, and we're moving quickly into winter--our next ten days look very challenging already! Of course, winter's going to come no matter what, but this does seem to be a slight bit early. . . . We have to get used to walking on snow and ice again, possibly for a longer time this year.

The semester is two-thirds done now, and we have just five weeks left, with two of those weeks being short.  It's been a long and trying--though productive and fulfilling, too--semester, and I'm glad that we're nearing its end.  It's kept me from writing here, as there always seems to be something new that I have to do instead of talking to you.  That's not a huge problem, of course, because I know that you're in and around all of us, all the time, but sometimes these letters help me to process things, help me to come to terms with things.  Especially when I hear or read the answers.

Right now, of course, my goal is to finish the semester strong, to make sure that my students get what they need and want out of the semester.  My goal is to enjoy myself and to help the students to enjoy what's left of our classes.  And to enjoy the holiday season, which is basically here already.  I also want to keep working on trying to be a positive part of other people's lives--I want to be able to help them unconditionally, to be a person who contributes to their lives, not one who does things for them just to get something back.

I can't really think deeply at the moment, which is a pretty common occurrence at the end of a semester.  My goal now is to hang on and to make it to the end, then to regroup and recover so that I can have a positive spring semester, too.

Thanks for all that I have, and all that I will have.

A reply:

You're welcome, on all counts.  I do understand the way things are right now--the human being is a resilient creature, of course, but there are limits.  In your work, you constantly use your mental facilities while you're teaching, and those are just as prone to getting tired as you physical facilities are.  And the more tired one becomes, the more difficult it is to think of other things, to consider other ideas and concepts.  Your exhaustion is natural and normal, and it's good that you recognize the need to rest and recuperate--and it's important that you do so as much as you can before the stress overwhelms you.

I sincerely hope that you are able to make the end of the semester enjoyable and productive for yourself and for your students.  They deserve it, and you deserve it.  I send you all my best wishes for a successful end to the semester.  You know where to find the resources inside to make it happen, so relax and let them surface in their own ways, in their own time, after you call them forth.  Take good care of yourself over the next few weeks, for if you don't do that, you won't be able to take good care of your classes or your students, and they deserve your best.

Mistakes

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new today! I have a lot to do today, and I'm grateful for that--having a lot to do keeps me active and it allows me to gain a sense of accomplishment in the things that I do. Today should be a good day as long as I approach it with a positive attitude and as long as I give my best to what I do.

Speaking of things to do, though, I made a huge error last week. I had volunteered to do something, and then I completely forgot about it--well, actually, I didn't forget about it, but I thought that it was on another day. This is something that plagues me constantly, the fear of failure, the fear of having a responsibility and not following through on it. It was like a nightmare come true for me, and it wasn't pleasant. It's a terrible feeling when something like that happens, and I judge myself very harshly for it when it happens.

It frustrates me sometimes that I am so hard on myself, that I'm not able to let things slide without spending a lot of time agonizing over them. I know where the trait comes from, but that doesn't help me to get rid of the trait--it seems to be just as strong now as it was before I learned about the origins of such ways of looking at life.

I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to have failures. That happens to people. What I want is to be able to recover from them quickly without beating myself up about them. I want to learn from them and move on, and let life go on.

A reply:

If I were to say "Welcome to the human race," would that help? I didn't think so. You know already that you're a member of humanity and that making mistakes is a trait inherent in being human. And me telling you that isn't going to help you to feel better about a mistake that you've made.

Remember, much of the reason for which you beat yourself up at mistakes is because you feel that when you do make mistakes, people have the right not to trust you any more. Because of your background, trust is one of the major issues that you have to deal with--constantly. You have a hard time trusting other people, and you spend an inordinate amount of time and energy making sure that people can trust you. When that falls apart, as it did last week, it hurts because you try so hard to make sure that it never does happen.

I also won't say "This, too, shall pass," because you know that, also. None of these platitudes are effective at all, when all is said and done, except as starters, ways to help you to begin to think in different ways.

What I will say is to pay attention to some of the other lessons that you've been learning recently. Look for connections between them and what has happened here. Perhaps the most important thing here has to do with you needing help from someone else and asking for that help. Perhaps it has to do with you receiving forgiveness--from others and from yourself. What is most important is that you not allow what in the bigger picture is a very minor mistake to interfere with your life or your learning. Keep moving forward--don't allow this to hold you back. Right now, you're in a position in which you may actually do so. Don't.

The most of today

Good morning, God, and thanks much for this new day of ours. There are quite a few hours stretching ahead of us, and I'm glad that I'm able to be here to experience them. What I really hope to do is to experience them well--to appreciate them and to make them count, getting something done during these hours that's worth doing, even if it's just to strengthen a particular relationship in my life or to make someone else feel better about him or herself so that that person might be able to contribute to the life in this world in very strongly positive ways.

Sometimes what I need help with more than other things is recognizing my opportunities to do good things in the world, to contribute to the lives of others. Perhaps I don't see that in a particular situation, and encouraging word would be very helpful. Perhaps I don't recognize that someone is feeling afraid, or depressed, or anxious, and I could help there. Maybe I'm missing an opportunity to change my own life in significantly positive ways because I don't see the chances that are there before me.

So perhaps you could help me with that? Maybe you could help me to open my eyes better and to be aware of chances that I have to contribute to the good and the positive of the world? I already have a huge list of things that I could have done but didn't see at the time, and maybe as I grow older I can have fewer of those things in my life. . . .

A reply:

You're very welcome for this day. I trust that you'll use it as well as you can in this particular time of your life.

You are right about not seeing things--you've missed many opportunities in your life because you haven't seen them or haven't recognized them for what they were when they were present in your life. Welcome to the human race. Remember that much of your goal as a human is to learn to see--to learn to keep your eyes and your heart open to the life that you're living. It takes practice for most people, and a lot of training. Given the fact that your training was not nearly as good as some other people were trained, it's naturally taking you a bit longer to reach points that other people reached when they were quite a bit younger than you. That is life--that's how it goes, and that's how it has gone forever.

But that's okay. You've come a long way from where you were when you started, and you need only look at your siblings to know that you've come much further than many other people who were given similar resources. The mere fact that you want to be awake and aware is extremely important, too.

I will do all that I can to help you, but in the end, of course, it's up to you. I can be here for support, but I can't regulate your life. I'm not going to tap you on the shoulder every time something happens to say "Look!" If I were to do that, your development would be greatly impaired. Every now and again I may do so. Be ready for it.

And hold on to your willingness to learn, to see, and to grow. Enjoy what you've been given, but learn from it, also. What you learn today will most definitely help you tomorrow. Stay awake, and stay aware.

Away for a while

Good morning, God--

It most certainly has been a long time, hasn't it?  Here we are in June, and an entire semester has gone by without a word from me to you.  At least, not here.  But you know why--a very busy semester that took a lot out of me and that needed me to focus very strongly, and that left little time for other pursuits.  It was a good semester, but a very trying one.

I just got back from Spain, and I'm very thankful for the chance to study there once more, if only for a very short time.  It was a fascinating experience in many ways, and a good learning experience for me.  And I learned much more than just some more Spanish, though I'm still not quite sure yet exactly what it was that I learned.  I'm still processing.

In any case, you know that time away from doing something like this is not time away from truly caring about life and living.  It's time away from an extra duty that is beneficial to me but that takes a lot more to accomplish than I'm able to give for that period of time.  It helps to remind myself of this fact every now and again.

In any case, let's get going once more!  I'll keep it up as long as I can!

A reply:

As you know already, no apology or explanation is necessary.  When you do give such an explanation of what has happened, you generally do it for yourself, not for me or for the other person.  Sometimes it's to make yourself feel better about something, sometimes it's to try to make the other person feel better about something.  In a strong relationship, it's really never absolutely necessary, except as a way to make one or the other feel better.

I certainly don't feel neglected or deprived.  I know your situations, and they are what they are.  In another era of your life, you might have dropped a different task during the semester.  This semester, you dropped these notes and responses.  That's really okay.

Thanks for the note!  We haven't been out of touch--the touch just hasn't been in written form!

Trying to See Needs

Good morning, God, and thank you very much for this new day.  The semester has started so I'm back to school, and it looks like my classes will be very enjoyable once again--thank you for that. It's school that I'm thinking about right now, not surprisingly, and the students that I work with--I wonder more and more each year that I teach about the needs of those students, about the things going on in their lives that are difficult for them. I think that this may be a benefit of growing older, feeling more compassion and trying to understand people on levels that are much different than the levels on which I used to understand them.

If I could ask you anything, I would ask you to help me to be there for them--especially on the academic level, of course, for that's why I'm there and why they're there. They're students at a university and I'm a teacher, so my main focus needs to be on the academics.

But that doesn't mean, of course, that I can't encourage them as people rather than as students; that I can't offer them support when things get difficult for them; that I can't show compassion and understanding when they're necessary for someone else to see. What I don't want to happen is for me to get so caught up in what we're doing academically that I lose sight of the fact that these are young human beings who are trying to find their ways in life and who could benefit from a bit of caring and a bit of other people's experiences.

I want this to be a good semester, and I know that in order for that to happen, it depends mostly on me--what I do and say, and what I don't do and say. I'd like to ask you to be there with me to help me to maintain that balance and to be an effective teacher, mentor, and colleague.

Thank you.

a reply:

You're welcome. And thank you for making compassion and understanding such an important part of who you want to be as a teacher. Most teachers, as you well know, do get caught up in their topic areas and in the performance of students that they neglect the human side of their students; they forget to even think of the pain and the confusion and the fear that their students may be feeling at any given time. They may look fine sitting there quietly in your class, but it's almost impossible to know what they may be hiding--if anything--if you never even consider the possibility that they may be hiding something important.

Many people get so focused on their work that they never consider just what the other person is experiencing in different areas of his or her life. It's so easy for us to see student, customer, client, server, officer, janitor, and so on, that we forget to see human beings with hopes and dreams and fears and such. Yes, it is a benefit of aging to be able to see more clearly with compassion and love, but aging doesn't guarantee this benefit--it only happens for those people who are open to it and who are working their ways towards love and compassion as a way of life. So stay on this road. It's a difficult one at times, but it's one that provides great rewards--for the person who feels it and the people whom that person is able to affect.

Have a great semester. Your students are great people--I made them that way. Treat them as such, and they will return the favor. Most of them, at least--not all of them are ready to do so. And they're the ones who need your love and compassion most of all.