Coming up on the end

Good morning, God, and thank you much for this new day. We've had quite a bit of snow this week, and the world outside is quite pretty--and cold! It's appropriate, of course, for the season in which we find ourselves. It's almost Christmas, and the snow and the cold help to make the season seem even more Christmasy--to me, anyway.

Now that the end of the year is almost upon us, I find that I'm not quite sure how I feel about the year that's just gone by. It's been a challenging year in many ways, and strangely unfulfilling in many ways. I published a novel, but I don't have any marketing or sales success. I've started a new job, but while I've felt good about teaching the class, now that I'm back at the university, I'm back to having much less of an idea of who my students are, what they need, and how to help them. While I obviously don't want to dwell in the past, it is important to take lessons from what has gone by in order to do things better in the future, isn't it?

These landmarks of our lives--new years, birthdays, graduations, moving, etc.--can help us to keep focused, I suppose. They can help us to reflect upon what we're doing and how we're doing it. But I also know that if we're living life day by day, then we have to be focused on this day right here, right now, not dwelling on the past or thinking about the future. So when something like this changing of the year comes along, I do have to wonder just how much I should be focused on reflection. The year just gone by has been positive for the most part, but with significant negative elements added in. Can pondering these things really help me with the next year of my life, or would it be better for me to simply focus on the present moment and keep on keeping on.

A reply:

It's an interesting balance, is it not? From one side you hear "stay focused on the moment," while someone from a different direction is telling you that it's important to reflect on what has gone and what's to come if you want to live life fully. Still another side might tell you to just do as you're told and don't worry about things that aren't what you're supposed to be worrying about, while another will tell you to accept all things that come your way without worrying about what they mean or how they affect your life. Perspective--it's a wonderful thing.

There are certainly drawbacks to thinking too much about what has been. Yes, you can avoid future problems if you're able to identify causes and effects, and avoid the particular causes in the future. You can pacify yourself and make yourself feel better if you reflect on something and realize that you did the best you could, even if the outcome wasn't what you hoped it would be.

But remember something very important: all of these so-called "landmarks" are artificial, created by human beings in order to bring some order to an existence that they saw as unordered. Does time even exist, if we consider it subject to certain rules that can prove existence? What is a birthday but a designation that on this day, something happened. If there were no calendars, would there be birthdays? Would there be a New Year? Absolutely not.

You're a part of a race that feels a bit lost if it loses its methods of measurement, especially where time is concerned. You depend on your watches and calendars to give you a sense of place in time. Your home gives you a sense of place in space, but your watch gives you a sense of place in time. If you value that sense of place less than others, then your watch becomes less important to you. If you're comfortable with a higher level of uncertainty than other people are, then you won't need to feel that sense of place nearly as much as your fellow humans do.

That said, if you are able to function with a greater level of uncertainty, then you probably are a person who reflects on life and living on a regular basis, and there's a good chance that you don't need the artificial reminders of the passage of time to remind you to stop and take stock of where you are, what you're doing and what you've done, and perhaps even where you're going. And shouldn't that be a goal of life if you don't want to be centered in the material world--to be centered on life and living and the passing of each moment rather than trying to think about an entire year near the end of December. Think of all that you have to consider if you wait--and how much you'll forget and miss.

Life is a process, not an end result. You live the process each day, each moment. All forms of measurement of these moments are artificial, and they sometimes lead to less effective decisions about how to lead your life ("Oh, that can wait until the end of the month" isn't always the best thing to say!).

I've given you moments. Lots of moments. My hope is that you'll fill them with positive, loving, and compassionate thoughts and actions. If you want to know how to do this, just ask!

People are dying

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day of ours.  I hope that I'm able to make the most of it and turn it into a very special day.

I have a rather heavy heart today.  More people killed in a mass shooting, this time in Bakersfield.  All these people dead, for no reason.  I know that people are killed every day, all over the world, not just in the States, but it's starting to feel like our society is degrading into a horrible mess, where people don't just not love each other, but actually are starting to hate each other just because of their differences of opinion or different outlooks on life.  We live in a society where it's becoming increasingly common for people to try to solve disputes with weapons, rather than words or reconciliation.  There are so many good people here, yet so many who have reached a point at which they want to hurt and kill others.

Why does our society not see what's going on and make a concerted effort to change things?  We have millions of people who are hurting, but very few ways for them to find help.  We have people who want companionship, intimacy, love, friendship--but who are unable to achieve any of those things that they desire.  We have people who are so desperate for something that they see their only viable option as picking up a weapon and hurting others.  Can we do anything to stop this?

A reply:

Such is the human race.  As a race, you have allowed yourselves to be swayed more by fear than by reason or compassion; more by anger than by a sense of unity.  In fact, you actively deny your unity in order to feel more justified in being angry.

What your country is suffering through now is a symptom, not a disease.  The disease has been around forever, as long as humans have been around, and it will stay with you until your communities become loving, supportive entities based on love and compassion rather than on retail and power struggles.  You need to focus more on teaching people their value and teaching them of things like effective conflict resolution.  You need to teach them what you all have in common rather than focusing on your differences as most of you do now.  You need to teach young people how to be helpful rather than helpless, and how to relate to other people on equal footing rather than on limited and artificial social structures.  You need to teach people to be responsible not just for their own actions, but for the well-being of their fellow human beings.  I can tell you honestly that apart from the mental illnesses, most of the people who have killed would not have killed if they felt themselves a part of a loving, caring community where they had a lot of support and in which they felt good about themselves.

You are the most individualistic society in the world, and that's getting even more extreme.  Young people spend many hours in front of screens--computers, games, television, movies--alone, when they could be spending that time with friends or families, learning about social rules and learning how to get along with others.  If they were to spend time with others, they also would get more encouragement, and they would start to feel better about themselves and their place in this world.

This symptom is going to go away only when you start to teach your young people to get along with each other.  Only when you pull them away from screens and teach them to be a part of a community in which they can receive good as well as give it.  Only when you start to focus on cooperation rather than competition.  Only when you teach compassion rather than judgment.  Only when you stop your politicians from bad-mouthing each other and calling each other names, providing the worst kind of role models possible for our young people.

This can be fixed, but you must start with the people and their hearts, not with the symptoms.

Work and money

Good morning, God, and thanks for this new day!  We have three degrees below zero right now, but we have a warm place for shelter and warm clothes for protection against the cold, so we have much to be thankful for.

It looks like my work situation is changing significantly, and I want to thank you for that while at the same time expressing my fear, or discomfort I guess, about the resulting financial insecurity that will come with the change.  Of course, I need to bring in an income, but there's much less income guaranteed in some situations than in others.  My fear, of course, is not having enough money to keep going.  I'm working hard at what I do, of course, but that has never been a guarantee of anything in the past.

I guess my prayer, then, is that our needs continue to be met during a transition period that's anything but safe and secure.  I appreciate the work and opportunities that I have, of course, but I do still have responsibilities and obligations that must be met.  My prayer is that I am able to meet them while still being able to get the most out of life (and you know that my wants and needs are not extravagant).

A reply:

That shall be, just as you pray it.  You have fear now, but think back to other times when you've had fear--you've ended up not just surviving, but thriving.  No, you've never gotten rich, but you knew when you chose to become a teacher that such a thing wouldn't happen.  You've met your responsibilities for the most part, and when you haven't, it's been part of a larger plan that ended up working out for you, in ways that were better than they would have been otherwise.  You've foreclosed on a house, but what would have happened had you not foreclosed would have been much worse.  You've had other problems, but the alternatives to those problems would have been very drastic, indeed.

As change comes along, the main thing I would encourage you is to be active in making the changes, rather than simply sitting back and waiting for changes to come.  You have passions and you have likes and dislikes, and you should search out that work that allows you to work within the realms of your passions.  Don't just wait around for something to come up.  Make things happen.  You can do it, and your happiness and fulfillment are at stake.  Keep your faith in me and life--it will help you to make it through the times of doubt and anxiety.  You'll do fine.

Another new day

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day--even if it is -2 degrees outside, it's still a beautiful day, and I still have much to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving has gone by already, and we're moving on to the Christmas season.  The sales that now define our Thanksgiving holiday have passed for the most part, though our obnoxious retail advertisers are trying to extend them all through the weekend, all the way to Monday, now.  It's such a shame that we've become so materialistic.

But all in all, things are going well.  I just wanted to say hello because I've done so little here in November.  While I have talked to you in other contexts, I do value talking to you in writing because it helps me to focus and clarify so well.  I thank you for this wonderful new day, for the gifts I have, and for the life I'm living.

A reply:

You're welcome.  Enjoy the day--that's what I made it for!

Other people

Good morning, God, and thank you much for this new day.  As I write, it's dark and cold outside, but here in the house we have heat and light to keep us comfortable and allow us to be up so early on such a day.  I do want to thank you for the things that allow us to live our lives in comfort and relative ease--had we been born into a time period in the past, we would have experienced life with very few of these things.

Today I'd like to ask you about the role of other people in our lives.  This perplexes me, because no matter how hard I try to be positive, no matter how hard I try to accomplish things and contribute to organizations and groups, someone always seems to sabotage my efforts, in any of a multitude of ways.  It's important, I know, to go into life with a good attitude and to do our best at all we do, but it's very hard to do this when there are so many people who seem to be doing their best to bring other people down.  We seem to be at the mercy of other people's whims, other people's likes and dislikes, other people's moods.

And when these other people are in positions of influence over us--bosses, supervisors, teachers, parents--they can really make our situations difficult.  Even if they're on the same level we are--colleagues, fellow students, friends, acquaintances--they can make things difficult for us, too.

Of course, there are those people who try to lift up, encourage, strengthen, and brighten.  They seem to be rather few and far between, though.  I think that I would like to be this kind of person, but I'm not sure I have it in me to be.  I try, but I don't think that I succeed all that often.  And I don't want to be one of those people who are "false enthusiastic," who say how wonderful something is even when it's not wonderful.  Honesty is too important to me for that.

So why, God, are others so important in the ways our lives go?  Is it possible to live without giving them too much importance, even if they're our bosses and they can have a strong influence on things like our livelihoods?

A reply:

There are people who want to bring you down, either to their level or lower.  They think that doing so makes them feel better about themselves, but it really doesn't.  Even after they put you down, they still fear you and they still feel fear about their own weak self-esteem.  The problem with this becomes exacerbated when they are given some form of control over other people, such as when they're promoted to a position of authority and they can do things like assign hours, hire and fire, or give performance reviews.  They tend to use these things not to be accurate or honest, but to fulfill their own needs for building their sense of self, for making themselves feel better by "taking care of" anyone who seems to present a threat to their authority.

You live in a time when things are getting worse, too.  Think for a moment of what it would mean for a subordinate to tell his or her boss "I disagree with that."  Now, there are many bosses out there who are able to deal with disagreements just fine, but they're not in the majority.  Most bosses will see this disagreement as a threat to their authority, and they think that it's necessary for them to "do something about" this threat.  And you know the results of this.  As life gets more fragmented and more people spend more time with their technology than with other human beings, the feeling of being threatened by others is going to become even more common.  The defensiveness that comes with the feeling of being threatened will increase.  And given the lack of human interaction, people will have learned fewer strategies for resolving conflict, and will more often resort to the exercising of their "power" over others--e.g., firing or writing people up--in order to deal with their own insecurities.

The bottom line is that it truly is important that you keep working on not letting other people's actions affect you as strongly as they might.  Of course, it's impossible to not let them affect you at all, especially when it affects your paycheck or your job or your personal relationships, but you can minimize the effects a great deal by keeping in mind the fact that you are doing your best to be open and honest, and a bad reaction shows much, much more about the person reacting than it does about the person who has spoken the truth as he or she knows it.

Hang in there.  Things may not get better, but you will get stronger.  People are people, and while they are wonderful overall, there's much about them that can be annoying and even harmful to others.  Learning to deal with them is one of the most important lessons in life.

Waiting for Change

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in my life.  We have about six inches of snow outside, and it looks like we've turned the corner from the warmish part of autumn into the second part, which will lead into winter.  It's beautiful outside, and I thank you very much for something as pretty as snow.

Classes are going pretty well, though they are almost over--we have just five weeks left of class, which is kind of a surprise, kind of normal.  Time seems to go very quickly during a college semester.  In any case, I thank you for the classes and for the time that I've been able to spend with the students--it's been very valuable to me.

I titled this "Waiting for Change" because I feel that there's a huge need for change in my life, especially in the area of work.  I know that what I'm doing now isn't sustainable financially, and I need to find something else that will pay the bills more reliably.  I say "waiting" even though I know that I need to actively pursue change--it doesn't just sneak up on me and happen one day.  The problem is, though, that things could go in any of several directions, and I'm not sure which direction is right for me at this point in my life.  Should I focus on my writing?  On online classes?  On teaching at the university?  There are so many possibilities, yet I'm not sure which one would be the most effective or the most reliable or the most beneficial.  Help!

A reply:

You find yourself at what many people would call a crossroads.  You have several different paths that are open to you, but no knowledge at all of what lies down any of the particular roads.  I'm surprised that you didn't mention the fear--this type of situation almost always brings about fear.

Me:

May be the fear's too strong, too prevalent for me to even notice it for what it is.  Or perhaps my faith is finally growing strong enough that I don't fear such situations any longer?

A reply:

Both of those are possible, of course.  But that would be a discussion for a different time, when our focus is on something else.  You're concerned about these different paths that you may take.  And not so much with the paths themselves, but with the results that the paths create in your life.  If you choose writing, for example, and you're not able to earn enough money from it, then you'll have major financial problems.  If you choose the university and you're not able to get enough classes, then you'll have the same problem.  It's fascinating--and rather dismaying--that your major concern when considering the paths you should take in your life is money.

And it doesn't dismay me as a result of what you're doing or thinking.  It dismays me in the sense that you live in a society that doesn't value helping people to reach their potential and follow their gifts--you live in a society that has come to worship money and profit, and that has made it very difficult for people to follow paths that contribute to the financial side of the world in indirect ways.  You're a teacher--your contribution to your society's economy is extremely vital to that economy, yet because no one sees any short-term profit from your work, you're marginalized financially through weak financial rewards for your work.

But you're aware of that.  Now you stand at a crossroads that demands a decision from you--either you move wholeheartedly in one direction and give it your all, or you take a few hesitant steps in two or three of the directions, hoping for some sort of sign that you're on the right road.  I think that you know from reading that sentence which is going to be--in the long run--the most beneficial choice for you to make.  Now you need to look in your heart and spirit and decide what you have a passion for, what makes you feel best about yourself and all that you do.  Will it be the short steps and no commitment to a direction, or will it be full commitment, come hell or high water?  (Sorry, but some cliches I allow myself because they're so expressive!)

You can wait for change if you'd like.  Or you can be the agent of change and make the changes that you know are best for you and yours.  Your faith is growing, and I would encourage you to make your faith an important part of your decision-making process.  You'll do fine, whatever direction you choose.  You just want the direction that will help you to grow and prosper in the ways that you're supposed to.

Restructuring

Good morning, God, and thank you for this new day in my life.  It's cold here now, and it looks like winter is on its way!  I thank you for the changing seasons, for the way that the world goes through cycles that help us to remember that life isn't always one way and that things don't always go consistently--that we don't have to worry if some sort of change is occurring in our lives, because change is the nature of life.

Right now, I feel changes coming on.  I feel that my teaching days are coming to an end, and though it isn't something that I've planned on or pursued, it's not something that dismays me.  I want to switch to working on my writing, but the financial risk is going to be pretty difficult to handle if I do so.  Also, it's kind of hard for me to pursue writing if I waste so much of my time in unproductive ways, which happens every now and then.  I would really love to make a living as a writer, and I would appreciate any guidance that you have to offer me in pursuing such a dream.

A reply:

You almost didn't write "dream."  Why not?

My reply:

Because in my experience, my dreams don't come true.

Another reply:

And hasn't this been the reason for which you haven't pursued writing in the past?  Because you think that to make money as a writer would be something of a dream come true, and you doubt that that can happen to you?  If that's the case, then join the club--many, many people limit themselves and their own opportunities in just the same way.

Do you have talent as a writer?  Absolutely.  Can you win a Pulitzer Prize?  Who knows?  One never knows where one's writing may lead to when one devotes oneself to it completely.  Your fear right now is that if you devote yourself completely to your writing, you and your wife will not be able to "make it" financially.  Your needs and desires are simple, of course, and neither of you are extravagant spenders, but you feel the need for some sort of assurance that you won't go under and lose everything if you try to make your living as a writer.

That's assurance that I cannot give you.  I am here to support you and to guide you, but what if your most important piece of writing in the future results from the difficulties that you encounter when you devote yourself to the craft?  What if your relationship with your wife, rather than being weakened by struggles, is strengthened by struggles?  What if your major contribution to the world comes out of your struggles rather than from your comfort?

Think about it.  How many of the most important works in the world have come from people who were living in comfort?  Many of them have, of course, but most of them have not.  Look at a list of truly important works and see just how many of their authors went though significant trials.

Now your counterpoint would be very valid:  you've already gone through more struggles than most people ever do.  That's true, to a certain extent.  Perhaps if you dedicate yourself to the writing, your past struggles will provide you with the material you need to succeed.  Perhaps the struggles you've already gone through will be enough for your work to be truly meaningful.

But remember this:  Much of the success in life comes as a result of risk.  If I guarantee you that you will face no trials if you shift gears and move in a different direction in life, what risk is there?

You will always have my love and my support, and I will not let you fall.  But I cannot promise a life without problems or trials.  What would life be life if I did?  I do have every confidence in you, for I know the talents that I gave you.  Please use them for all that they're worth, and make your decisions based on your heart and your faith.  I'll be with you, no matter where your road leads you.

Do dreams come true?  Of course they do.  Do dreams come true without someone taking a risk to help them come true?  That's another question.