Lumps

Good morning, God, and thanks for this new day.  The last couple of weeks have been pretty stressful, what with the unidentified lump in my body.  I saw a doctor on Tuesday and had an Ultrasound yesterday, so today I should get some sort of idea of what I'm dealing with.  The stress of not knowing is a pretty rough thing, as you well know, but I have reached a fairly balanced point at which I'm not allowing it to affect me much.  It keeps me a bit preoccupied, but that's about it.

Terry and I have had a couple of talks of the worst-case scenario--what's she going to do if I'm gone?  Where will she live?  That sort of thing.  I think she'll be in pretty good shape financially for a few years, so I'm not too worried about that.  Of course, there's the nagging feeling that something would be very wrong in leaving her so soon and so suddenly, but there would be nothing that could be done about it, so. . . .

I'm not going to beg you to make everything alright.  I'm not going to beg you to make me healthy in a moment.  People get sick and die all the time, and I'm a person.  I will ask you to be with me no matter what direction this all takes, to help me feel the balance and equanimity to deal with anything that happens in the best ways possible.  I hope that the call I get from the doctor today tells me that everything's fine, or that everything will be fine soon.  But if the call says something else, well. . . .

An answer:

I do appreciate the fact that you aren't going to ask me to heal your body.  The power for that is within you, and if you ask me to do it and then are disappointed, then you become disappointed in me and our relationship obviously suffers.  I have given you amazing powers of healing, and you do know how to access them.

I will be with you, all the way.  You know this already, but I am glad that you asked.  It's like asking your father if he's coming to your wedding (for most people, anyway)--you know he's coming, but there is importance in the asking.  I will be with you as a resource and a guide and a shoulder.  Use me as you will.  Be strong, but allow yourself to be weak when it's necessary, and allow others to be strong for you.  You'll know more very soon about just what you'll be going through--accept it with grace and with the knowledge that there's much to learn in every situation, and you'll find that the next part of your journey will be much more bearable, even enjoyable.